Monday, 3 September 2012

Dommes, clients, friendship...


A comment made me realize that maybe my blog makes guys feel uneasy, well, to be honest, I did warn you right at the beginning that you wouldn’t like it and that I’d bust some myths…

Actually the blog is nothing against clients, if I’m honest, the majority of clients was fine and a delight. As crazy as it sounds, I met life-long friends through sessions, people I’m still in touch with and I still spend time with. Not on a D/s basis, but simply as friends. People I can call up if I want to talk about something completely unrelated, I can use them as sounding boards and they usually give me good advise – and of course they can call me anytime and frequently do. We’re simply friends, like lots of other people, a sexual orientation is just that, doesn’t really change your personality

Some of the smartest and most open minded people I’ve ever met are into BDSM, be they masochists, fetishists or submissives. What apart from the fact that they’re into BDSM and we share a common interest, makes them friends? Pretty simple, that’s not the only interest we share, and there is chemistry. A common interest in BDSM is not enough, come on, how many people share a hobby with you but that’s the only thing you have in common, doesn’t automatically qualify them as friends.

Friendships happen in a lot of different places, but they require work from both sides. I made friends in the weirdest places, once at the dentist, seriously, a guy who was even more scared than me and I tried to calm him down. He waited until I was finished and asked me if he could buy me a drink as a thank you. He didn’t try to pick me up, he was just nice, and trust me, women have a radar for that.

In case you don’t strike up a friendship with your domme, don’t be disappointed, there can be a lot of reasons for that. For one, you guys are the ones who always want their privacy respected, you head off home and that’s it for us, let’s face it, most of you guys aren’t at liberty to strike up a friendship because you’re in a relationship already.
For a lot of dommes it’s simply self-preservation to keep their distance, you guys often wander on to the next domme, we don’t even hear what has happened to you. Then some guys just freak out and become stalkers, endangering our private lives and often our work situation. Place yourself in our shoes, what on earth would you do?

The best thing you can do is enjoy a session for what it is and then back to real life, in case you get on with your domme and a friendship develops, great, enjoy, if not, don’t sweat it, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you or that you’re a bad person, it just means that she has a life outside of domming and you don’t fit into that life and she wants to keep her normal life separate from her BDSM life. Pretty much like the majority of clients do.

So guys, don’t feel bad about being clients, you go and see a pro domme to get an urge scratched, that’s a hell lot better than pretending that you don’t have the urge and being miserable and lashing out to everybody who does (a bit like the closet queers are the biggest gay bashers). Just do a reality check from time to time. Keep pro domination where it belongs to, in the dungeon. Trust me, everybody is much happier this way.

I’m not claiming that I know it all, I can only tell you what worked for me, and outside of the dungeon was outside of the dungeon. The friends I made were just that outside of the BDSM environment, friends, people I sat down with, went for a drink with, discussed problems and all that. It’s a give and take, it doesn’t work with everybody, if it works, enjoy, if not, trying to force it is definitely not going to work!