Friday, 30 November 2012

Safety in BDSM (sub frenzy and meeting a domme)

Talking to a lot of people, I realized that often subs just don't really have a clue about what's acceptable or how it "should be", some of them run into dominants who also don't really have a clue.

Now first of all, just don't rely on the dominant always being in charge, in a scene - unless you get really scared - yes, but before the scene starts, make clear what your limits are. In short don't let your sex drive rule your thinking. BDSM is a game where everybody participates, that means as a submissive or slave, you also have responsibility, you are responsible for yourself and to a certain degree for your own safety.

I have little time and patience for subs (male or female) who think with the lower regions instead of their brain. Yeah, it's powerful, it's sexy, it can go to your head, absolutely, I wouldn't be into it if it wouldn't turn me on, but again, it is NOT a good enough excuse to stop thinking!

People go on a lot about SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), to be honest, for me SSC just doesn't cut it, nothing we do is 100% safe, if it is sane - well, debatable, for some people being beaten or beating somebody else is everything but sane, consensual - yes, that is non-negotiable!
In short, I much prefer RACK and it seems to be much more descriptive (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and accurate, what we do has risks, it's our business (and by that I mean the submissive and the dominant) to be aware of those risks and consensually engage in those kinks. So subbies, there really is no excuse for you to not ask questions and educate yourself (just as much as the dominant should) because that falls under the umbrella of consensual for me.

You do know that very often the bottom (or sub in that case) breaches the consensuality rule? Surprised? You shouldn't be, if the dominant doesn't have the full knowledge and you haven't fully disclosed potential or actual medical problems, how can the dom/me truly and consensually take a risk, especially one he or she isn't aware of.

I know there is the victim mentality and people like to scream abuse, I don't deny that there is a lot of abuse in BDSM (just like there is in vanilla relationships), but remember, you can walk away at any time, you can say STOP at any time, and if you feel you are in danger or the top isn't in control or doesn't know what he or she is doing, that is EXACTLY what you should do. Some of you might be afraid to lose their dominant, tell you what, wouldn't you rather lose a dominant than a limb or end up with some serious injuries? When it comes down to it, your life and health should be a lot more important than a few moments of submissive bliss.

Personally, I'm afraid of sub frenzy, so afraid that I tend to not do any casual play anymore. So far it hasn't happen to me but I also don't want it to happen to me. Let me give you an example, you're at a club and there is also a play area, naturally there will be more guys than women, the guys see kinky things, they see women in sexy BDSM outfits, THEY WANT A PIECE OF ACTION! All of a sudden it seems all their fantasies have come true, they'll approach anybody to get some BDSM action. It happens to women too, to be honest the worst ones to develop sub frenzy are women between 30 and 50 who discover BDSM for the first time, common sense often goes out of the window.

So, you're in a club and you see subs begging tops to play with them, pretty often they don't really know what they want, they want almost any BDSM action, they won't talk about phobias and problems, they don't mention limits... Yes of course the top or dominant should ask, but again, also the responsibility of the sub to mention it, remember, it's a game for adults, so be a freaking adult! At one club there was a massive scandal and uproar, one guy freaked out completely, he forgot to mention that he's got claustrophobia and tends to freak out when being tied up. Hey, that's really smart isn't it? You know somebody who'd ask me to whip them and lets me tie him up and then screams bloody murder and abuse - I would expect that the person tells me about those problems, I am not a mind reader and it's not the most common problem, also not one you should expect. The nature of the beast is simply, that when it comes to public play the dungeon monitors have to react and they see somebody in panic, they think the top is responsible. In general everybody takes the side of the "poor subbie".

After seeing situations like that (not too often but to be honest, just the rare occasion is enough), I came to the conclusion that unless I do know you, and I know you're a responsible adult, I won't run the risk to be branded the villain or abuser, because we consensually entered a scene and you didn't know your limits, or decided to not tell me your limits, or you just "forgot" to tell me.

Also a sub, don't just play with anybody, you know it's your skin that's on the line, make sure the person knows what he/she is doing, watch them for a while, talk to them. You might be gagging for a scene, but seriously, you do want to get an impression of the person who's going to top you. A short talk can't really rule out all doubts and make something safe, but it can make it safer, if they appear to have had drinks and are under the influence of booze or anything else - give it a miss. Ask them how long they have been playing and ask a few things about their equipment. Of course you don't want to appear like an officer who's cross-examining them, but you can have a respectful discussion about their toys, like admire the whip and ask how long they had it, act a bit stupid and ask if it's difficult to care for whips, pretend to be ignorant and say "Leather is great, you just have to clean it with a wet cloth!" In case they agree with you enthusiastically, you don't play with that person, because he or she knows fuck all about hygiene standards, and do you really want to be whipped (where there is ALWAYS the danger of skin being broken) with a whip somebody else just has been whipped?

Play with somebody who has several crops, riding crops are relatively cheap (equestrian stores - end of lines, you get a lot of crop for your buck, about 3 times as many as you get in a BDSM supply store, if you don't have an equestrian store nearby, go online) easy to transport, easy to clean (if the disinfectant ruins them, it's a few bucks) they can't do as much damage as a whip. 

A really good and smart thing would be to bring your own crop(s), in the UK you can get a good riding crop for as little as £3 (that's about $5 - even cheaper if you buy in bulk) if you buy end of lines. It's a good way to start a conversation with a dominant you like, especially if you give her or him a present of a crop (most dominants are toy whores anyway) and it's a lot cheaper than buying them a drink, which is possibly what most of the other subs are trying to do.
You do stand out a bit from the crowd, you make a good first impression, if she decides to play with you, you brought your own equipment (which didn't cost a lot) and you don't have to worry how many other people were beaten with that crop without it being properly cleaned...

Actually, there is a lot more to be said about safety and meeting dominants, so be prepared for occasional updates on the subject...

Thursday, 29 November 2012

Women in control

This is actually more of a fun post, I stumbled over some stuff on YouTube and I thought you guys might really enjoy to see some women that are in control...

Shirley Manson, she's super cool...

Say what you want, she has guts!

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

BDSM - In or out the closet?

It's something that always comes up if people who participate in BDSM meet up or talk, people are asking if you're "out" and the ones who are tend to look a bit down on the ones that are not.

I don't know what's wrong or right, I think it's something each and every person has to decide for him or herself, in general, the world is not quite as tolerant as we want it to be, so I'd recommend to think about it carefully if you want to be out and proud.
While it is possibly quite liberating to be out and not having to worry about some scumbag outing and possibly blackmailing you, it can also backfire as the recent NYC scandal showed.

Personally I would support each and everybody to be out or not out, as long as you thought about it and you're happy with your choice, it's yours and yours alone, nobody has the right to tell you to be out, and after all BDSM is something rather private, I never saw the need to share my private sexual preferences with the world.

It's simply nobody elses business, and why would you share even a vanilla sex life with random people? I mean you don't want to hear how your neighbours do it (trust me, I don't want to know about my neighbours' sex life, in fact I'd actually appreciate it if they'd wear MORE clothes, at least clothes that cover most of their bodies - one word: cottage cheese thighs) if you're having a family, think about yourself and your parents. You really don't want to know about your parent's sex life, so if you have kids, don't overshare.

To be honest, I never really bring it up even with people I know socially or through work, some of my friends do have a BDSM background and we met through parties or sessions, so of course it's not a secret with us, but to people who don't really know, I don't think I need to tell them.
In case you're working in an industry that is somewhat creative, people gossip enough, yes you might have a bit more leeway and you're allowed to be a bit more "crazy" but gossip is still ripe, so why give them more to talk about?

It's not like I make a massive big secret out of it, at home there are plenty of crops and whips, I got a lot of corsets, I wear leather quite often, I have a thing for boots (I have to take a picture of my new boots... they are just AMAZING, simple and stylish but they also look good with BDSM clothes - have I mentioned I'm a fashion victim and a shoe whore) and I usually pimp up my business wear with slightly extravagant shoes, if people ask, I usually just look at them and ask them why they ask, or why they want to know and depending on their reply and my gut feeling I give my answer. I won't deny it, but I tend to side track, I do ride so that's an easy answer for the crops and whips, the shoes are fashion and I like the Goth look...

Seriously, there is no right or wrong, but remember that once you're out, you can't go back into the closet and it might come and bite you in the ass. I'm not trying to make you paranoid but think what you have to gain from being all out? If you don't need to apply for jobs and all that because you're independently wealthy, cool, great. Just most of us don't have that luxury and you never know how a boss or colleagues will react. Of course if you're out, nobody can ever blackmail you, but in all honesty, somebody who only does it in the missionary position is possibly not "out" about it, certain things are private.

Don't have pictures about yourself floating around, facial recognition software is becoming more and more sophisticated, have an alternative email address that is NOT in your real name, keep your BDSM correspondence and the rest separate. Use some common sense, you don't have to be paranoid and look over your shoulder all the time, but keep some things private.
I know with the information age, Facebook and all that it's quite tempting to share more than is possibly wise, about every day you read about somebody being fired because they tweeted something they shouldn't have tweeted, or put stuff on Facebook they thought only their friends would see - and whoops, somebody takes a screen shot and sends it to the boss anonymously...

Again, if you are out or not, it's up to you, but just ask yourself what you have to gain and what you have to lose... Especially if you just found BDSM and you are in a mad feeding frenzy, it can be easy to be carried away and do something you might regret later. Just use some common sense, that's all I ask, you wouldn't tell everybody that you like having sex doggie style - so why tell everybody that you're into getting whipped or spanked....

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

TPE - Take over my life...

Honestly, I think everybody had that fantasy at least once or twice, on both sides of the whip, but it unless you're independently wealthy and live and breathe BDSM all day long, it's possibly the most impractical idea ever. Something for day-dreamers or people who aren't too well adjusted when it comes to reality.

It makes for a great fantasy and it makes for a really cool role play, maybe even for a great BDSM vacation or weekend, but day in day out, I just can't see it...

Imagine you're a normal couple, chances are that you're both working, at work - unless you are self-employed - you have a boss who is in control and makes the rules, plus at work you want to concentrate on work and not your private kink. Trust me, I'm very kink friendly but if I would have to work with somebody who's kink would interfere with the work, I'd be everything else but pleased and point out that they should get their sexual thrills at home, the time they're paid to work, they owe their full time and effort to the person who pays.

For it to be real and total power exchange, one person has absolute control, it can be hot for a short time, but if you want it as 24/7 you would have to micromanage and that's just a hell lot of work.
Of course you can agree to your own version of TPE, for example where the sub has a certain amount of freedom and the dominant trusts him or her to make the right decisions, however real life has a way of interfering in that.

In case the submissive is married or in a relationship with somebody else, TPE can't work, it's conflicting commitments and it's seriously unfair to the spouse (unless the spouse is happy with it too), who's relationship would have some serious interference by the dominant.

When it comes down to it, we all have lives outside of D/s and I really wouldn't want to deal with anybody who doesn't have another life and everything is just BDSM, they don't tend to be the most well adjusted people, to be honest, they'd drive me crazy. Apart from the fact that somebody who would agree to TPE without limits is possibly somebody who doesn't value their safety and life at all, and the TOTAL in TPE basically means that there can't be limits or else it wouldn't be a total power exchange.

For me TPE is just another one of those buzz words, a fantasy far too many people take far too seriously, trust me BDSM and D/s can be very enjoyable with only a limited amount of power exchange and without dramatic labels, all it requires is to be an adult and responsible and not let your fantasy run away with you.

Like slavery, power exchange in BDSM is completely voluntary, so we are playing with a fantasy concept anyway, something no lawyer could push through, it's two or more adults agreeing to something because it's what they want and crave. To give up power and free will in certain circumstances with a trusted partner is absolutely cool, but I'm getting fed up with people using TPE as an excuse for bad choices or letting your libido overrule your common sense. Even if you have agreed to TPE, you haven't agreed to be a mindless robot, you're still responsible. BDSM is a game for adults, if you can't act like an adult, sorry, you really shouldn't be part of it! It goes back to "I'm your domme and not your mom!"

Monday, 26 November 2012

Stupid things people do...

So I read an entry on MF today, not sure if I should believe it, it's just a bit "much" and to be honest it doesn't sound very credible...

I best do a copy and paste, since I am not sure the guy who posted the review is "legit", I change the name of the domme in question... Why I am not so sure it's a real review, I'll tell you later....

This is the very first time that I've had to give a Mistress a bad review. Now over the years, since I've been exploring my inner submission, and having sessions with Pro Domme's, for the most part, I've had pleasant experiences, some more so that others which just depended on the Mistress and her particular style when it comes to a session, and I've sessioned with several different Mistresses, but I'd have to say, that may last session with an Altanta Georgia area Mistress, XXX was absolutely awful, and here's the reasons why.

What made me initially chose her, was her photos, which must have been taken when she was about 20-30 lighter; thefefore, the photos of how she actually presently looks where somewhat deceiving. Not to sound mean, but when she opened her mouth, I see these huge buttery teeth, she has awful oral hygiene which is something that you can not truly enjoy if you're one of those submissives that enjoy being spit on by your Mistress.

So although I'm mislead from the photos, and find her teeth disgusting, since I drove almost 2 hrs to make it to my session, and being in need of a submission fix, I didn't turn around and leave, I stayed, paid my tribute fee, we began the session, and was truly wanting to make the best of it, and have a good session. Now I go into the mindset of a submissive, which means that I want to do everything I'm told and make my Mistress happy. Well she asked me if I would mind having our session video taped, at first I was very reluctant, because this is my private life here we're talking about. I told her that I would be worried about my face and tattoo's being seen, and she assured me that she would edit those out.
Not long after our session, I had a change of heart, and respectfully requested that she not use the videos at all, and after my request, a few days later, I look and this fat ass buck toothed buttery teeth bitch has posted these videos on clips 4 sale, unedited, totally disragarding or respecting my wishes! Not being concerned at all how this could effect my life! Mistress or not, I don't like to be lied to or dealt with underhandedly by anyone! So be forewarned submissives, XXXX is not the Mistress to go see! There are plenty other Mistresses that are a lot more straight up in their dealings than her, trust me! I'm not usually a mean hearted person, or say mean things just to offend or hurt someone, but she, Mistress Yuck Mouth aka XXXX has really pissed me off royally, and my complaint is valid! She is a liar, and totally unprofessional! Now is what I'm saying defamation of her character, uhmmm no I don't think so, because it's the truth, no matter how harshly stated! Save your $ and your time, do not go see her, trust me friends! 

I told him that if he didn't sign a release form, he should inform Clips4Sale and tell them and they'd yank the video - they have to and they won't run the risk of a law suit. People who dealt with them said they are superb and run a "clean" business.

Why I think he isn't legit? Simple, because all his other reviews were about a different Mistress in the area, he basically was a walking advertisement for her, said Mistress seems to be a direct competition of the Mistress where he claimed was so bad.

Additionally, he claims that she is much bigger than her pics, seeing her videos, she actually seems slimmer than her her pics, and in her videos her teeth are just fine, perfect, white, nothing to see of buck teeth.

Then a guy saying he didn't like the way she looked, that she had horrible teeth but still staying and paying - somehow doesn't sound right, then a client - somebody who PAYS - agreeing to have the session taped without being forewarned about it? Sorry, nope, again, doesn't sound right...

And then you look at her videos, she seems to have 2 regular video slaves in her C4S video store, both of them go months and months back - and he claims that she sells the video on his C4S store? Again, not right. Also if you would worry about being recognized, would you put it out where to find the videos with potential blackmail material? Something is odd about it...

Anybody with half a brain would demand that the videos are taken down or legal action would happen, hell, just a little anonymous call telling the authorities that she doesn't have all the proper release papers and she'd be in legal trouble until the next century...

Something just doesn't smell right here...

But anyway, guys, you got a brain use it to THINK...

Guys, don't do videos without a mask, just don't do it! THINK!

Btw seems the guy was really full of shit and got busted, as for her looks, she put up a video and the domme in question is quite gorgeous: free video 

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Comptletely unrelated

I seem to have the laziest dogs on the planet, OK, we had long walks today and all that, but it's raining now and I tried to encourage them to have another walk tonight...

Guess what, they just went to the nearest lamp post and weed, then decided they drag me back home...

Each of them is about my size, but they are afraid of a bit of rain...

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Why are there....

So I opened up my FL again and guess what, yeah, there is a long rambling letter with a laundry list of what I can do to a guy for "my pleasure" and then he complains about pro dommes and life-style dommes, the former ones are all greedy whores (according to him) and the latter are mostly fat, old and unattractive (again according to him) and since he considers me not too fat, too old (duh, thought I set my profile to 86 to not attract them) or too unattractive (wonder how he can tell since all he sees is a leather corset) he decided to write me and offer himself. OH LUCKY ME...

I know it's not easy to find a life-style domme, possibly not even for casual play, but it's also not easy to find a girlfriend or a kinky girlfriend, sitting at your computer and typing with one hand won't make it easier.

First impressions count, if you come across like a whiny little cry-baby, feeling sorry for yourself and telling me how hard it is, I have an impression of you, that impression isn't flattering.

If you think you flatter me by talking nasty about other women - think again, you come over as a classless, mean spirited little creep.

So you talk about serving me, but then you have this long list of what you want me to do to you, hey, if I go for a massage, I usually pay because the massage therapist is providing a service, so if you want your ass caned, it's nothing else, spare me the "for my pleasure".

Oh yeah, and don't bemoan the fact that there are so many big women in BDSM, guess what, a lot of big women around, if you don't like them look the other way. Nobody says you have to find them attractive but if you bitch about them being there, then let me bitch about needy little creeps...

Actually, it's a bunch of wasted keystrokes, said all before

Monday, 19 November 2012

I'm your Domme, not your mom

A friend of mine brought that up today in a conversation, I'm jealous, that is such a great line and so true!

Guys, no ifs and no buts, unless you are into age play a good way to turn of female dominants is to expect them to coddle you, if we wanted to have children, we would have them, some of us might even have them, so really, we don't need a guy to behave like he can't tie his shoes himself and needs to be micromanaged 24/7.

If it's in a session and you both get off on it, wonderful, but I would really really freak out if somebody would expect me to micromanage him all the time, it's kinda nice having somebody with a brain, somebody you can also have a conversation with and not somebody who wants you to know when he's allowed to use the toilet (unless it's their kink - it certainly isn't mine, bowel functions are more of a turn off, we all have them but some bodily functions are in the realm of privacy, please don't over share).

Of course I am not speaking for all dommes and some might be into micromanagement, it's just not a hell lot of us are, really. Look at it practically, micromanaging you causes us a lot of work, we have to show you how something is done, we have to check that you are doing it right, we have to control you all the time, you know what? I rather do it myself, far less trouble and I don't have to bother with somebody getting underfoot.

Think about it this way, a submissive who's smart and attentive, that is sexy, that is a turn on, yup, does something for me, somebody who's dumb or dumbs down, not so much. If you'd be looking for a potential play partner or life partner, what would you be looking for? Somebody who is smart and clever, who's an asset, somebody you can be proud of, or a liability?

Say if you are a service sub, what service are you doing me if I have to watch you all the time? So I let you into my place (bit of a risk I took) and you're there and you want to be of service, I tell you to wash the dishes while I do something else and you interrupt me every 5 minutes asking me which dish you should wash first, within 30 minutes I want to throttle you and kick your ass out, and I am not talking breath play and abandonment fantasies, I'm telling you, there is nothing kinky about me being really really pissed off!

Sunday, 18 November 2012

So the threats start...

Remember the guy who thought the world owes him domination? He sent me a threat...

Now just for the record, I am not even active as a pro-domme, I see very few but select guys, in the UK absolutely legal, what is not legal would be soliciting, yet dommes hardly walk around soliciting guys... So basically the law in the UK is that if a man or a woman approaches anybody on the street for sex for money, that is not allowed.

As for my website - I don't have one, idiot hasn't figured out that I don't earn my money by being a pro domme but that it's more or less a hobby.

As for the outing and all that, went through that already only this stalker even had personal info...

But guys, just remember, those are the type of people we have to deal with on a regular basis, so cut the women some slack if they really want references! In Europe it's not such a big deal, but in the US, you should be grateful that they are very very careful!

What can I say? I absolutely had it with dickless wankers threatening and stalking, you want to really piss me off, yeah, that's a good way to start.

Btw due to my experience with the other stalker, I do have a little bit of knowledge about internet threats:

18 U.S.C. § 875(c) states: "Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any    communication containing any threat to kidnap any person or any  threat to injure the person of another, shall be fined under this  title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both."  From the wording of § 875(c) it is clear that the legislator did not require the element of 'intent.'  Thus, it is irrelevant if the accused claims he/she did not have the intent to produce any injury on the victim; the mere act of sending the e-mail with threatening messages typifies the criminal conduct.

Well, that is the US, now in the UK:
It would fall under the Malicious Communications Act

So in case I hear that the pussy whipped fucktard has caused anybody just the slightest bit of trouble, I'll be down at the police station (after a little detour to an internet lawyer) and I will be very upset about his "threat" - which in turn will have them get his IP, the US colleagues will have a talk with him. Imagine the legal background, he states in his little note that for him BDSM is prostitution and he is trying to solicit money in a thread in an open forum so he can engage in acts of prostitution... I wonder if he ever considered that.

Oh well, one could only hope that the cops who will talk to him are discrete, given the fact that he does live with his parents...

He better prays that none of my domme friends get suspicious calls or even the slightest hint of trouble, or he might find himself in a shit storm that will make Sandy look like a little bit of rain.

You think I'm vicious? In that case, YES I AM. When it comes to wankers who try to take out their frustrations on women and exploit vulnerabilities, hell yes, same reaction as I would have if I'd catch anybody torturing an animal or mistreating a child or somebody with a disability.

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

The Lupus Thing

I have gotten a lot of messages of support and wishing me well, a bunch of you were actually quite concerned (I didn’t even know so many people read the blog), let me assure my lupus is not to bad and it’s really under control.

A bunch of things seem to trigger it so I try to avoid negative stress (works fine as long as psycho stalker keeps out of my life), avoid unhealthy food, hardly drink alcohol and I don’t wear chemical fiber, especially around my period…

The advantage is that I am a super clean person, because sweat on my skin after a really short time starts to trigger really nasty rashes, it has to do with the antibodies, basically my skin reacts to my own sweat like it’s acid.

My thyroid is a real issue, and as some of you pointed out in your notes, yes, it is possible that one day it might affect major internal organs, definitely, hence I get monitored. I drink lots of herbal teas as the kidneys seem to be the biggest danger and I am a bit anaemic but that’s it.
All It does is make me more health conscious, a lot of people have it much worse and most people with lupus are super sun sensitive, so instead of bemoaning that I got something that can’t be changed, I count my blessings. It’s seriously manageable and doable!

The whole stuff came up when Miss Olivia mentioned a problem that sounded familiar, I asked if she has lupus (I think that’s how it went) and we discussed what we do to keep it in check. I was a bit surprised when she made the post, because I honestly wouldn’t have had the guts to say it out loud. Not that I am ashamed about having an auto-immune problem, it’s really not infectious, most likely genetic, it’s just nothing you want to bring up.
I thought bringing it up was really brave and courageous of her and I didn’t want to leave her hanging there on her own. It is really like she said, if you have it, you sometimes feel like a freak, and no, I’m not happy that she has it too, but it was very very comforting to be able to talk with somebody about it.

Again, thanks to everybody who reaches out, I’m really OK, the only one who suffers on occasion is hubby if I let my health routine slip and I break out

BDSM and Entitlement

I used to be quite upset when dommes have an entitlement complex, but truth to be told, a lot of that “Give me, I’m a superior being” stuff is something that does turn guys on. They aren’t forced, most actually look for financial dommes and while it’s not a fetish I understand, but hey, if it makes people happy, who really cares. I don’t think there would be FinDommes out there without guys looking for them and yeah, giving them money.

There always have been guys out there who decided that domination or BDSM should be free and on demand, I might have the odd rant about that, but there is seriously nothing wrong with seeking a life-style domme, just don’t shoot yourself in the foot, here’s a little bit of a manual what might work and what might not work if you’re looking for one:

Though in general if you are married, the chances of finding a life-style domme are slim, she might want commitment and you have already committed to your wife, and you should take that commitment seriously. There are odd cases where the domme is OK with it, that’s usually when the wife is informed and OK with it. It’s a bit hard to have a trusting relationship with somebody who’s betraying the partner. Pro dommes don’t have (or shouldn’t have) expectations outside of the usual, you know that you are keeping appointments, that you are clean and that you pay. You pay because you don’t have any other commitments, pro dommes won’t call you up in the middle of the night because they can’t sleep and want to talk, they won’t call you up to help with something, the relationship is professional, you don’t pay with your time, you pay in coin.

But now you got a new breed, nasty sub who thinks he’s entitled to sessions and somebody else should pay for it. He’s a good person, honestly, he ONCE gave 20 bucks to a guy (or so he claims) and people give to sports and cheerleaders, so why shouldn’t they give to him and his selfish wishes? I wonder if he realizes that sports is public enjoyment, will he broadcast his free session to give back to his “sponsors”? That alone is a reason to not sponsor him, ewwww…

This is getting funnier and funnier
The government programs you mention that exist in the US are socialist programs. They are forms of collectivism. The government forcibly takes (via taxes) from one person to provide welfare for another person. For some reason, a government nanny state is okay but what I suggest is not.

So first he whines about the cruel world where people don’t care about his little bit of happiness, but he considers welfare as something evil? I guess the children should starve so he can have his session, it’s only evil and socialist if it’s for others, I get it…

Considering that he doesn’t work (he claims an “anxiety disorder”), I think he might be on one of those evil socialist programs, you know this form of collectivism where the government robs one person to give to another… But we always have to remember that he is a very good person, I mean ONCE he gave $20…

I was reminded of a friend who lived with us for about 18 months, the guy is an ex special forces soldier, severe post traumatic stress disorder, didn’t stop him from doing what he could, because he never wanted to pick up a gun, he worked on building sites, didn’t earn a lot of money. I met him a while before he moved in, he always seemed to be a very kind soul, always made a fuss over the dog (good way to get into my good graces) and then later again when he was screwed over, company he worked for had folded owing him a lot of money, he had applied for unemployment benefits but the paper work dragged on, in the meantime he had lost his place to live and was sleeping rough. We invited him in, as we have a room we don’t use, not too big, not too fancy, but warm with a bed and furniture. This guy who really barely could make ends meet offered to pay rent, we had to make up stories that he’s doing us a favor because we need somebody to dog and cat sit for him to accept to live rent free.

Why I bring it up? Because of the difference! Our friend had a dream (teaching English in China) and he worked his ass off, despite his disability, he didn’t expect people to buy him a ticket, he didn’t want hand-outs, he didn’t feel entitled to free stuff.
He is somebody people respect, somebody who actually does stuff, no excuses, doesn’t expect handouts or people paying for him, as a result and because he’s the first one to lend a helping hand, people go out of their way to make his life a bit easier and help him where they can. Funny how that works…

Another thing I noticed with the charmer, he claims to be a submissive, oddly enough he’s quite deferential to men but amazingly rude to women… Hypocritical much?
But clearly not his own fault that he doesn’t get a free session, the world owes him one, really, we should all stop being so damned unfeeling. Who’s going first? I guess the proper way to approach him for a free session would be “And how may I dominate you today, Sir? And how many hours of my own time would you like me to waste on you? Clearly anything I plan to do and any work are not as important as your desire to be dominated…”
I think I just threw up a little…

And in case you wondered, yeah, he is the same as this guy :

Hey he might want to ask the Dire Straits, you know, money for nothing and your chicks for free


Tuesday, 13 November 2012

Domination owed?

OK, a thread on good old MF inspired this, might be a bit of a rant...

Let me give you the gist of it:

Guy wants domination, several hours of it, pro dommes are too expensive for him, he doesn't like life-style dommes as they make him jump through too many hoops. In short he wants instant domination, the way he likes it (not in a dungeon setting but their homes - anybody concerned about safety and letting a stranger into your house?) but that's it. He wants to show up and get his needs met, but claims it's all about the woman... Now dommes should give him the sessions for free or other guys should sponsor him...

Didn't meet with a lot of approval, apart from the true loose cannon on the board who's well known for his hatred of dommes (and to go on to a board that deals with professional domination, doofus really has some issues, maybe he's a masochist and gets his kicks that way?), oddly enough the original poster wasn't distracted from this, he kept continuing with his passive aggressive stuff, and the woman are mean bitches who attack him, when he just wants to live in a world where you don't need any money...

I can sympathize with the idea of an Utopia where no currency is needed, but I can't sympathize with the idea of being a free loader and that anybody has to prove sincerity by giving you stuff for free. If you shun all commercialism, don't expect play for pay for free, simple as that.

Can you imagine going into a restaurant and telling the chef that if he's truly passionate about food, he'll deliver a 5 star menue for free? Your favorite musician has to show up at your party and perform for free, your favorite painter will have to hand over his or her artworks for free, your accountant has to do your taxes for free - how else would you know that he's passionate about crunching numbers...

I really do not have a problem with people who want to get away from commercialism, in fact I find it admirable and we're trying to do something like that on a small scale, we're usually donating the money we would have spent for Xmas pressies to a charity and help out at a local shelter. Much more rewarding than sitting at home, overeaten and feeling a bit sick and it takes out the stress of finding presents...

What I do have a problem with is with people who are not willing to give (i.e. somebody who says and that is a direct quote Now, there are lifestyle dommes (as opposed to pro-dommes) who are less interested in money and more into domination. But they usually make subs jump through multiple hoops for extended periods of time before sessioning real time (such as mandatory cam sessions, long waiting periods, etc.) I am just plain out of sympathy for somebody who's a freeloader with an entitlement complex.
NO woman, and especially not dominant women are fetish delivery systems, obliged to dominate anybody who asks for it, or demands it. If you can't be bothered to show that you are sincere, you want it on your terms and when you want it (not when the woman feels ready or is in the mood), then pay for it.

The guy doesn't work, claims his wife knows about it and doesn't mind, so I suggested he might talk to her, she might actually love him pampering her and doing the household chores, but he claims she is too sweet for that, and he likes that she is a sweet and good natured girl, the one he fell in love with...

So essentially, the sweet girl shouldn't be sullied with dominance, those of us who are dominant are obviously some lower form of life who can be exploited by him at will. And he wonders why he's not getting anywhere?

Sorry, but I'm sticking with my plan to give money to the victims of Sandy, those people need food and shelter, I can't really see his need for a domination session that lasts for a few hours being quite as great as the need of the Sandy victims. Yeah, I know, I'm going to hell for being such an unfeeling and cold bitch, but you know what, I guess that is one good way to avoid the freeloader, aka professional victim....

That song is actually far too cool to dedicate it to him, but you get the gist...


Monday, 5 November 2012

Bdsm and Guilt...

I bet you all think it's about you guys sneaking out and seeing a domme, but nope, it isn't. Completely selfish post about yours truly and the whole female guilt when it comes to BDSM...

It's not a very popular issue because everybody has this opinion of how a domme should be and all that, her inner struggles and the guilt issue is a bit of a turn off, let's face it domination is in a lot of cases all about male fantasies, especially when it comes to professional domination.

I discovered it through a boyfriend, and you know despite a certain enthusiasm on his side, I still struggled with myself and thought I was a bit weird. To be honest, I wondered if I wasn't a complete psycho. I had those fantasies before and was always feeling really guilty, like I had done something really terrible and shameful. I was actually often wondering if I am alright, if there isn't something fundamentally wrong with me.

As crazy as it sounds, training as a professional domme helped me with that internal dilemma a lot, I mean you can give consent, or you can pay somebody to do something to you. That's actually the ultimate form of consent, and in a weird way, as much as you enjoy it, you are performing a service you have been paid for. It's almost like a papal absolution.

Of course the money was welcome too, as a student every bit of my fetish wardrobe meant going without something else or doing extra shifts on the weekend in the club where I worked, covering a few more stories that brought tears of boredom to my eyes for any paper or magazine who was willing to print it and pay... Not that I made much money when I started out, when you're in training you actually don't get paid, and for quite a while afterwards you're getting paid only a fraction of the session. It wasn't a "get rich quick" or "this is easy money" scheme, well, maybe for the domme who trained me and owned the dungeon, but on the other hand, I really learned how to clean and sterilize, I prefer to see it as an investment that paid out, even if sometimes I felt like spitting nails if I had to clean up yet another room and sterilize everything, but I was far too grateful to have found somebody who wasn't giving me the old BS that I need to submit first or work as a submissive before I could "progress".

Don't get me wrong, some excellent dommes are submissives in their private lives or have started out as submissives, it's just I'm not submissive and pretending something - don't think it would have worked for me at all.

As much as everybody likes to bitch about professional domination, I am pretty sure I am not the only one who found it a relief and who managed to get over the initial guilt issue and then could enjoy being dominant.

I'm not sure where it comes from, maybe because being a sadist and enjoying to dominate is so against the grain of everything we are taught and raised with? Especially for women. Being brought up very Catholic certainly didn't help, even though I consider myself now more of an agnostic than an atheist, a lot of it still sticks with you.
Additionally, I'd like to think I'm not a cruel person, I enjoy inflicting pain to somebody who enjoys taking pain from me, yes, but I am always worried where the line is and where it might be considered abuse. If I see an injured animal, I'll take it home (last year we had a blackbird with a broken wing living with us - we had to chase a healed Ms Blackie out in the end, she enjoyed the hotel life far too much, and her two canine body guards who kept the cats away), I'm always holding doors open, volunteer for some charities and all that. My sadism seems to go against the grain of just being a decent human being, or at least it seemed for a while.

So yes, one big hooray for professional domination, because otherwise I might have ended up frustrated, confused and scared of myself.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Asking for a favor...

I don't want to bore you and I know you are reading this blog more for kinky stuff than for sad news that you get in the media every day, but I just spoke to some friends on the East-Coast, luckily they are all OK, not everybody is though. There are also countries who don't have disaster relief, to be honest, I don't care which nationality somebody is, if they need help they need help. Where you happen to be born is something you had no choice, it's where your parents lived, or your grandparents moved to...

I'm for one am grateful that I am in the warm, with computer access, a home, food in the fridge... Maybe you are too? Would you please help the people who got hit by the storm?

I'm seriously pissed off by assholes on MF sabotaging every thread about disaster relief and such with their own political agenda or personal grudges, I guess if you try hard enough you can see something awful in everything. I'm just pissed off that they distract others from actually helping, but hey, assholes will always be assholes!

I wish I could afford to give more to the Red Cross, but I've honestly given what I could afford, I'm currently busy decluttering my wardrobe and putting stuff up on ebay with the proceeds going to the Red Cross. I just feel really horrible having so much stuff that I don't even wear when others have lost homes and don't know how to feed their kids!

If you do need motivation to help those who are seriously affected by Sandy, I can offer you phone sessions on Skype, access to my private gallery on flickr (tons of shots of me in fetish wear), if you get off on me pretending I'm a financial domme, heck, then I command you to send a tribute to a charity who works with disaster victims. I don't want proof, I trust you, you can email me on the google mail that belongs to this blog.

I promise I will be back to kinky things and stuff soon, it's just watching TV and seeing the disaster everywhere is sickening...