Wednesday, 25 July 2012

How dare he ask for....

Of course it's annoying if in a professional session guys think that they are seeing an escort (and nope, I have no problem with escorts, in fact I'm deeply grateful that there are escorts, the reasons for that I might discuss later) and gets all funny, demanding things that clearly aren't on the menue. I really don't get it, I mean sorry, you don't go into a Jewish restaurant and order pork chops or lobster.

It's a bit of a double edged sword really, on one hand it's the sex industry, adult industry, however you want to dress it up, anybody working in there shouldn't be shocked all that easily and if you can't handle a guy asking for "extras", get out of it and work in an office. What on earth don't you get about SEX worker? Oh I hear you, of course you are not a sex worker, you provide therapy and it's all about BDSM. Since when is BDSM not sexual? Have you had a look at yourself in your "work gear" lately or your advertising? Skin tight latex and leather outfits, vinyl if you want to cut costs or your lingerie if you don't want to make an investment, high heels, stockings, corsets... You don't take pictures in a burka do you? When was the last time that a client wanted to session with you because he found you so unattractive?

Seriously, if you don't want to admit you work in the adult industry, get out of it, if you want to be a therapist, get your butt to university and become one. Listen, I'm not saying that it's right that the guys ask for something that is not on the menue and I am not saying you should give all kinds of things ending in job, have your own boundaries and make them clear, but acting all butthurt because a guy asks for extras makes you look stupid, naive and weak. Learn to deal with it efficiently, what is so difficult about saying "Sorry, I don't offer that in case it's very important for you, let's cancel the session!" In case you had to book a rental or had expenses getting there, you subtract that from the session fee and hand him the rest back. Don't go overboard and only do that if you actually had costs, if you are working at a house and you were there anyway, you don't charge, unless you bought something specifically for the session. If you kept a time slot open for him, it's fair to charge him between $20 and $50. Of course the classy thing is to hand him back the money, but seriously, what's classy about them? I would consider it a "wanker fine" and hopefully they will learn.

It reminds me of the story of Mr Handjob, when I was in NYC several dommes told me that there is this guy and a good review from him tells the world he got a HJ. Being European, I have a different approach to it, nothing to do with legality, again personal preference. I'm not afraid of touching a cock, how else could I do CBT? Throwing darts? If it's on my terms, not a problem, you ask for it, you won't get, simple as that. Yes, you are booking a service and you have a right to tell me what you want and what you don't want, hard limits, etc, but that ends somewhere because essentially you are coming in for a domination session. In case you want to dictate everything, it's fine but then I'm the wrong gal for you, we might not mesh, it really is that simple.

Now Mr HJ books a session with Domina M, she's stunning but always made it clear that she does like to be in control and that there won't be extras. I forgot if it was in the middle or at the end of the session, he decides to demand a HJ with the brilliant excuse that he has diabetes. Fuck me sideways, did he think she has healing hands or what? Result, she kicked him out and he's been moaning and groaning ever since and doesn't understand that a bunch of dommes refuse to see him. I wonder why that could be?

Here is one for you guys and girls, nobody with half a brain will give you any type of job during a first session, it would be criminally stupid if you are in the US (legal reasons), so should something occur later on in that relationship, do yourself an effing favor and keep your mouth shut about it for obvious reasons. One of them is that the BDSM scene is rife with gossip, you might tell one person, do you know who that person is going to tell and how much gets added. Ever played Chinese Whispers? It's exactly like that and nothing good comes out of it, often bad blood. So forget about the bragging rights, because seriously, if she hears about it, she'll make sure it won't happen again and other dommes will be very very careful. Loose lips sink ships... Plus you might need a recommendation one day, for tht domme you really really want to see, what do you think that's going to look like? Food for thought?

Another thing that I find really really funny is the dommes who get so outraged about clients who ask for extras, yet they have the hottest and most explicit shots and videos on their sites or in their C4S stores. No, I am not judging and I honestly couldn't care less if the guy you're fucking and sucking with is boyfriend, husband, a stranger or how one domme claims "pleasure slave", I know there is a massive difference between movies and real life sessions but do you think the guy who bought your clips and masturbated himself into oblivion will apply logic and rational thinking? He's not going to sit back and wonder "What relationship does she have with that guy?" He sees you being licked, doing all sorts of "jobs" and possibly being fucked - what on earth do you think he's going to expect in a session? The unapproachable Ice Maiden? Goddess Frigid?

I know sex sells and all that, but write a HUGE disclaimer on your site, preferably in RED, I'm willing to bet that there is still much more noise (or requests for the extras you are showing in your clips) and yes, most guys will not read your webpage but look at the pictures (I know, if you just had $1 for every guy masturbating, you possibly could afford a new fetish wardrobe). Little head thinking... Seriously, if you are dangling the carrot, don't be surprised if the donkey is trying to eat it... And please spare me the false outrage!

Now if you are going to advertise body worship, you best make clear what the restrictions are, a guy reading that won't be happy with sucking your toes and most likely not with kissing your latex covered derriere. Body worship might mean something completely different for you than it does for him! So please, no complains if you didn't make yourself clear. If you think it's good to be vague about it as it will attract clients, don't be surprised if they leave again or bitch their heads off on the net. Come on, your name is your reputation, guys are quite anonymous and they can change handles, easy enough for the odd wanker to try and damage your reputation and make your life a living hell with slander - it is pretty stupid to give them a reason with false promises. Really doesn't do much for your business, once you attracted and disappointed all the ones who want what you aren't willing to offer, word gets around, and chances are that the ones who don't want that kind of thing stay away because they're concerned about their health.

False advertising really is a no win situation.

Regards to the Captain, who inspired that post yesterday.... Here's my thank you to my fellow pervert

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Public Service Announcement

This is almost an exact copy of what I put on my fetlife page, it has to do with the messages I get on lifestyle sites such as CM and FL. I mention in each of my profiles explicitly that I am not looking, do you think it stopped the messages "Hey, do you want to do ..... to me?"

Seriously, if I'm going to be a service top to a stranger, you better compensate me, doesn't have to be money. You best offer something in exchange because otherwise I feel used and ripped off. Of course I'll play with friends, but if you are writing to me out of the blue, you're not a friend, you are a stranger who's trying to USE me to get his kinky rocks off. Please do tell me what on earth is dominant about being used?

Oh I can hear that I should do it out of enjoyment, guess what, I can find that enjoyment with somebody who I know and like, not some stranger from the internet. You know somebody who might not try and dictate what I should do to him.
Let me be blunt (I know, very unusual for me): You're getting off on getting an enema and having your ass reamed with a strapon. That's absolutely cool, I don't have a problem with it, but that doesn't mean that *I* want to take time out of my daily schedule, have a stranger coming to MY home, that I want to look at your chocolate starfish, listen to you expelling the enema in MY bathroom (possibly cleaning up the mess you left - ewww), get dressed up (and then disinfect my clothes, the play area and the bathroom after you're done) use MY strapon on you (chances are that you also expect me to buy the enema, the condoms, etc.) all for the pleasure of fucking you in the ass. Give me a freaking break!

Oh I know, you're going to offer me compensation, right, you're going to offer oral worship and to be my sex toy. Sorry buttercup, I translate for you what you are saying to how I am receiving it:

"I'm going to eat you out as a reward, because I like performing cunnilingus and guys like BJs so all women must have wet dreams of strangers licking their pussy!"

Wakey wakey, smell the coffee, the idea of a stranger's lips and tongue on my nether regions makes me a bit queasy, and not the good way.

So basically what you're saying is, that this should be an irresistible offer for me, you mean I look so bad that I couldn't just walk into a bar and pick up a guy who'd go down on me as part of the sex? Charming! Or you think I look so awful that even hubby won't go down on me (like I'd marry a guy who'd be afraid of eating pussy - do I really look so stupid?), so I have to take you up on your offer?

See how well your offer worked? As an afterthought, I also know where my pussy has been, I have no idea where your tongue has been. (I think I just grossed myself out)

Btw, would you walk up to a girl in a vanilla environment and make her that offer or would you be worried to end up with a massive shiner and a few teeth missing? See where I am going with this? Exactly, if you wouldn't behave like a complete oaf and an Neanderthal in a vanilla environment or a vanilla site, then why on earth do you think you need to leave all manners and social graces with your coat, just because this happens to be a kinky site? Only a complete idiot would think so and I let you into another secret: Women usually aren't attracted to complete idiots!

Here it goes:

Guys, you might have a little bit more success if you wouldn't treat women as fetish delivery systems, nothing wrong with wanting a bit of kink or wanting it on tab whenever you want it, there are professional dommes who will give you exactly that, that's why they are "professionals" and they get compensated for their time and expertise. Please don't give me the BS that it's not the same, of course it isn't, but it's also not the same for a woman to get approached by a random guy expecting to get his kinky urges scratched because he wants to.

I get the hump a bit when horny net geeks think it's acceptable to more or less demand it because they like your pic (nope, I don't feel honored or flattered) but then complain if you suggest they see a professional, especially if they go on that they are just "prostitutes" - well actually, they are not.
All it means is that those jerks don't have any respect for women, and that's an instant turn off!

As a public service announcement guys:

  • If you write to a woman for the first time, don't mention kink and try to write with both hands on the keyboard to a person not to a fetish delivery system
  • Keep your pants on, you might think your dick is spectacular, we've possibly seen a lot more than you will ever do and unless we're really into you, it's just not that special or anything we want to see first! And really, present yourself from your best side, if a dick is all you got to show, chances are that we think you are a dick.
  • There are a lot more guys than girls looking, so your chances are a lot worse from the word "go" - do you really need to fuck up for yourself with obnoxious emails?

Monday, 23 July 2012

Still not fed up?

To any aspiring domme who might come across the page and reads it, I'm seriously not trying to discourage you, I just want you to know what you are getting into so you can make an informed choice. And the guys out there, yep, it's the reality, so stop bitching about session prices and how easy it is for dommes to live in luxury.

You know what, a lot of you would be losing wood ASAP if they'd hear that a domme can't pay her rent, you're buying into a fantasy and money worries have no place in it, most of them would be blatant opportunists and try to get her to reduce session prices even more or give extras. You want to know why most of us are a bit suspicious or act the way we are - we run into a lot of douchebags on a daily basis. It gets a bit grating to be seen as a fetish delivery system, if you're going to book a session, fine, but for every session there are about 10 guys just wanting to talk fetish for free. Nothing wrong with that but can you imagine how exhausting that is? Also quite disrespectful to want to get your jollies off on somebody elses expense.

For the girls, now that you decided you want to do it and you're in it, don't get out straight away if the money doesn't come floating in unless you really dislike BDSM, look around, try to absorb as much as possible. You've been warned that it will take time. Hang around and observe, success doesn't happen over night. Don't overreach and take sessions you're not comfortable doing due to your skills. First of all it's dangerous and 2nd if something goes wrong, you can count on the guy bitching everywhere (even if he talked you into it), it will damage your reputation and cost you, that's the more harmless thing, the other one would be talking to the police. Even in countries where BDSM is perfectly legal, if you hurt somebody enough and the press gets wind of it, you end up on the front page of every sleazy tabloid. Remember, sex sells.

There will always be guys having a crush on you, just remember, usually it's not you as a person, it's you as a kink delivery system. I know it's easy to believe that your shit doesn't stink when a bunch of guys are telling you that you're the best thing since sliced bread, but keep your feet on the ground, trust me it will work much much better long term.

Don't, no matter what the circumstances are, encourage guys in their crush on you, it's the best way to raise your own stalker, you want this to be a business transaction, because any way you twist or turn it, if the guy pays, it's business and you deliver. If the dishonesty of leading somebody merrily along the garden path doesn't put you off, what it will do to you should.
Think about it clearly, a guy becomes a bit infatuated, of course he's going to try to see you more often, he's trying to be your knight in shining armor and all that, but if he realizes - and sooner or later he will - that nothing comes out of it, he's going to get frustrated and angry. Then you lose a client at best, at worst you gain a stalker, plenty more in between, your former admirer will turn into an enemy and will try and warn others. He might move on to the next domme and again, everything you said or did will be discussed. Of course he wants the new domme to be sympathetic to his plight (or his fellow subs), what do you think are your chances that he reports everything truthfully? Don't you think he might report things a bit in his favor?

You might meet a guy and decide to take him on as a personal, but be clear about the rules, if you're sessioning in a commercial dungeon with him, unless you have a special agreement with the owner, it's a commercial session, you have to explain that to him! Also remember there is no such thing as free lunch, yes, guys will tell you that they're going to buy you things and expect nothing back, and if you believe that, I guess you also believe in the tooth fairy.

In short, be as independent as possible, don't talk too much about your private life - well in short it's like working in an office, only it's the sex industry, so it's a bit sleazier, a bit riskier, you're more prone to meet the odd person who's not very well adjusted and off kilter. Hiding a serious personal disorder is just easier in BDSM where stuff that would raise red flags elsewhere seems acceptable, normal, even desirable. You make allowances for what you think are "quirks" and when you realize that you made a mistake it's often too late.

For all your rationalization, you are on the fringes of society, yes BDSM is becoming more mainstream, it's a good thing, but honestly, it will take a while until a guy will happily announce to his family that the new girlfriend is a dominatrix and they won't bat an eye, or that you can tell a prospective employer in an interview that you wielded a whip for a few years. In case you're doing it to put you through college, think after college... The boss or some colleagues might have jerked off to your pictures (or videos if you were stupid) a lot, doesn't mean they are comfy with what you were doing and won't use it against you - they're possibly terrified that clients might also find out... So do yourself a favor, camouflage, camouflage, camouflage... Wear a mask, wear a wig, wear your hair and makeup so that it makes you look as different from your real self as possible. If you're doing this to finance school so you have a future, then protect that future...

On that happy note, back to work. And hey sod it, I found some pics and thought I'd throw one in, don't get too excited it's about 5 years old

You're still thinking about it?

Oh right, yes, you think you will become the rising star and your life will be easy because there are subbies who do all the menial tasks for you. Get real! First of all, chances are that you are going to work in a dungeon to learn the ropes, most dungeons don't like to have non-paying slaves hanging around, it's bad for business and it also does create some friction, then there is the issue of space....

95% of those slaves don't do it because they are truly service oriented subs or slaves, stop kidding yourself, they do it because they want something out of it, it has little to do with your charming personality. Oh and please, no, you are not a born domme, you weren't born wielding whips, you got to learn the skills like everybody else. Your natural dominance is fine, but switch it off if somebody is trying to teach you something, the guys who'll see you and pay for it, they are paying for a service (you can turn it any way you like it, that's what it is), so you better be skilled and able to act, because while they want what they want, they also expect you to act as if that was exactly what you've been dreaming about all day long...

Sorry guys, I warned you yesterday, you don't want to read this, but the bitter truth is that not everybody enjoys every session. To let you into an even bigger secret, I am a sadist, I really am, but there were sessions that involved a lot of corporal that left me a bit cold and bored.

OK, girls, back to your devoted slaves, first of all if they want to clean your house dressed up, forget about it. First of all why let a stranger into your house? If things turn sour, you really don't want him to know where you live (and some weirdo informing your neighbors and landlord...). Then if he does want to do it in a sissy outfit, you do know how things are going to pan out?

It will take ages for him to get ready and put his "uniform" on, then you have to admire him, possibly fix his makeup and lace him into a corset. So you basically just spent 30 minutes giving him a free session. Girl you've worn a corset, they look great and I love how they feel, but it's not really what anybody in their right frame of mind would wear for cleaning, same goes for high heels.
So basically you have some guy dressed up in your house, tottering around in high heels and a corset, he can't bend down so floors are out. If you're like me, you have a certain way you want things done, so you got to teach him. At that point he possibly will lose interest, I mean you expect him to really clean? He realizes cleaning isn't quite as exciting as it was in his mind, so he wants you to watch him clean. Honestly, if I have to watch somebody clean, I rather do it myself because then I at least know it's done right.

Of course you won't believe me, so I guess you'll learn the hard way, stuff is going to get missing, you spent ages showing how somebody to clean, you watch somebody clean until you're fed up, and of course they guy will think he has done such an outstanding job (even if he just smeared the dirt over the floor instead of cleaning) that he deserves a "reward". So you end up wasting a lot of time, in the end you'll clean yourself, but the guy got a free session and his jollies off. You don't want to see him again? Guess what, he's going to rubbish you all over the internet and your commercial domming is taking a hit. Oh and of course everybody will know where you live, how you live... Gossip, gossip...

Honestly, keep most of your private business to yourself, if you don't want it to be discussed in every dungeon in town. Guys like to brag...

Work calls, I think this will have a few more entries a bit later... I doubt the wisdom of this a bit, I don't think a lot of people will read this anyway, and sod it, it's therapeutic for me, I'm just thinking if an aspiring domme reads it, she's possibly going to ignore it because I am an idiot and she knows better. Guys possibly really don't want to hear about it, the occasional reader stumbling across this thinks we're all a bit fucked up anyway... However it's fun writing.

Truth to be told, I have met the odd sub who's a service sub and excellent at what they do, but they're the proverbial needle in the haystack and most dommes will snatch them up ASAP!

Sunday, 22 July 2012

What on earth are you thinking?

HMP's comment got me thinking (and it was so exciting to get a comment, almost like the first reader's letter, I feel young again...)

What he said was:

I have come to realize that pro domination is an extremely difficult and competitive profession. All the adorable young ladies out there in search of "easy money" are in for a rude awakening. My advice to them is "don't quit your day job."
I can't agree more, unless you're a straight 10 (and yes, I really do mean model gorgeous and in that case modelling is a much more lucrative option), chances are that you will have to work for quite a while until you get regular sessions (i.e. a dependable income). A couple of years ago (before the economy tanked) guys were eager to session with a new domme, now money is a bit tight and they want to be sure to get a good session, so they will look if you stick around before they book and what others have to say about you. So a bunch of cameos and you most likely won't get paid for them just so they see you, in case another domme is nice enough to get you into her session. The economy is quite tight and more than a few will be worried about introducing you to their clients - because your gain would be their loss. In the better dungeons the staff is encouraged to not have this competitive attitude and it makes a lot of sense.
  • It creates a really bad work climate
  • Clients pick up on that and are less likely to come for sessions
  • The bad work climate makes being stuck together quite horrible, waiting for clients (yup, this is what you will be doing for most of the time, better bring some books or knitting with you) in such an atmosphere leads to fights and staff leaving...
  • Rather than losing a client to another house, keep them at the same dungeon and let them "slut" around there, guys are horndogs and most clients will session with several different dommes, if they get the feeling that you disapprove and they have to hide it, it reminds them of being married. If they stay in the same house, they will do their rounds there and most likely will come back to you. They also might sing the praise of that house, which will result in more clients.
  • If you are working in a friendly environment, you really learn much more and instead of letting you run into an open knife, the other women will cover for you, teach you and assist you.
  • They will work with you and warn you of bad clients or will tell you about the particular quirks of a client they have seen before - so don't try to poach their clients, be fair and things are much better and more lucrative for everybody involved.
Think about it this way, if you're going to a restaurant, you want to have your dinner in a pleasant atmosphere and not where there is tension in the air...

Some other stuff you will have to consider is the start up costs, you will need fetish clothes (not cheap) but go for quality and not the cheapest outfit you can get away with. There are a lot of things you can do with a corset and a leather skirt and a pair of thigh high boots, if you buy cheap stuff, I guarantee you it's going to rip or lose shape ASAP and you have to buy again. Get a steel boned corset of decent quality, you're better off with an underbust corset, more versatile and the fit can be adjusted, with an overbust corset, doesn't happen. An underbust corset of decent quality you can order online but it still will be about 100, give or take 10 or 20, if it's too cheap to be true, it's not going to last very long, the hooks will be of bad quality and get wedged, the eyelets will come off, etc. It's a waste of money. A real leather skirt, depending on quality, you might find 2nd hand or on eBay (better make sure it's real leather) for maybe 20, boot you might have a pair at home already, but you will want a pair that has a BDSM look, you can get some in goth shops, but I'd advise you to go for the stiletto heel, good quality leather (they really have to fit well, nothing looks worse than boots that are far too wide and you're flopping around in them, or boots that are so tight that your thighs have love-handles, book 300 for halfway decent quality...
You can combine it with a black bra, a hot black bodystocking, a transparent blouse, etc while you get the money together for a leather top and more items.

I always told newbies to buy stuff they like themselves and would wear or could combine with normal clothes, so it wouldn't hurt so much if their career in BDSM wouldn't take off. It certainly does help a lot if you actually like BDSM. It makes learning easier and the clothes won't just be an expense but something you really enjoy.

So you got the basics covered and you're already out of pocket, don't expect to make a fortune or the rent the first few weeks, have another job, even if you're just washing dishes or waiting tables, a secure income helps to take the stress off, it also helps to keep you grounded and in the real world. With a few exceptions over the years (the longest might have been 6 weeks when I had to cover for the head mistress) domming was never my main income. It has another practical aspect, you are never pressured to accept sessions you really really don't want to do because you need the money. I don't mean sessions you simply don't like, I mean stuff that really disgusts you or goes against your personal boundaries. I don't think I need to paint a picture...

For the first couple of months and maybe a year, you will have to invest in more and more fetish clothes and toys. The dungeon might have most of them, but there's a difference between using your own whip, the one you're used to and the ones that are in the dungeon. The same with other stuff, you clean them yourself and all that, you'll be much more comfortable using them. Don't go over board and blow all your money on a ridiculously expensive fetish item, keep in mind you need something you can combine with a lot of other stuff and create a lot of different looks. The guys don't want to see you in the same thing over and over again, they come to see you for a break from reality, don't kid yourself, don't buy into their BS of everlasting devotion, it's a fantasy, it is the adult industry, best look like you stepped out of their fantasy. And while a lot of them will swear they really care for you as a person and want to know all about you, don't be too open... Think stalker, they don't tend to announce themselves, think that you might have to drop the guy as a client because he will want more than domination, not everybody plays with a full deck of cards, some of the guys might go a bit nuts. Unless you want your family and all of your neighbors knowing what you do (it might be a cool idea and you'll feel like a rebel, but if you want a career outside of BDSM, not such a great idea), be careful...

Got a lot more to say about this, if I don't get distracted maybe tomorrow, but for now I want to watch a movie with hubby...

Friday, 20 July 2012

All hope abandon ye who enter here

Now that I figured out the background (still looks pretty awful and embarrassingly long to fiddle around with it) and I am still in rant mode (have I mentioned how therapeutic it is to get that stuff off my chest?), a few home truth about the glamorous life of pro-dommes.

You want to keep your illusions, well then don't enter through the gates of hell here, because it might be Dante's Inferno.

OK, I'm the first one to admit that they typical - well stereotypical - domme does exist, we all met them, they're fucked up, be it on drugs or whatever else or just with their heads so far up their own anuses that they almost disappear (unfortunately that only makes them louder), dumber than a garden tool and all that,  but seriously, the majority of us really isn't like that.

I'm not claiming every domme is a rocket scientist but there is a rather large percentage of us who actually have a fairly good education and another career. We might be attracted to BDSM and it's various activities, and yes, also to the money. Think about it, you have a skill that's very sought after, you invested a lot of time and money in your skills and your tools, say you're a great guitarist, of course you may want to play at friend's parties for free, but if strangers would offer you quite a bit of money to play at their parties and events, wouldn't you charge? Wouldn't you like your skills, the amount of time and money you invested into learning them being appropriately reflected in that payment? Not to mention the costs for you to take that gig (guitar strings, wear and tear on your guitar, petrol money, time...)?
Or you are working for your boss for free and you pay your rent out of a trust fund?

The old chestnut of dommes charging too much is just so fucking ridiculous. We don't actually have to get into how much it costs, you don't believe me? Rent, advertising, outfits, toys, cleaning material...

If you want to have the super cheap session, look for the usual suspect in a city, a house with a lot of very young dommes, most will have no or only basic equipment and fetish gear, a good indicator is if they pose on the webpage only in underwear. You might not have the best session, but then again,  you possibly also spent less than the going market rate. Or if you feel really adventurous, Craigs List, Backpage, a bit of a gamble...

Apart from the costs, you also have a lot of dangers. The ever popular stalker, stalkers are drawn to dommes like moths to the light. I don't know why guys become so obsessed, and oddly enough not just submissives or kinksters, regular guys can get really obsessed with them too. I never really figured out why. There are several reasons that I think are distinct possibilities, yet none of them makes sense to a rational mind. But I guess to be a stalker the absence of a rational mind is a prerequisite...
It's kind of scary that I really don't know a single domme who never had to deal with a stalker, most don't talk about it, it's not glam, it's bad for business, clients don't want to hear about it, and you know if you do talk about it openly, often copy cats are encouraged. Sadly enough most stalkers have seriously criminal energy and know exactly how to avoid being caught. They can be the most uneducated hicks, when it comes to that, they're effing marvels.
Another problem in the domme world is that nobody wants to get involved, some fear about their business (thinking that they can handle the guy and the other woman was just not domme enough and more such BS), others might be afraid that they will attract the attentions of a stalker if they help the victim. Unfortunately there is a lot of backstabbing in the domme world, that's so stupid, I mean nobody is going to get more business if they get another person out of the way, doesn't work. It really doesn't, all it does is making everybody weaker. So yes dommes, if you are warned about a stalker or a bad client, it's your call to ignore it or not, but do not rat the person out who's trying to help you because you want to take care of the competition. It's really that simple...

And on that happy note (no, my rant is far from finished) I'm off to do some mundane house cleaning as I am expecting a guest tomorrow... I told you, you'd be disappointed...

Layouts and stuff...

I'm fiddling around trying to figure this thing out, I'm crap with the layout and it looks quite awful, really really not up to date on my technology skills, quite funny actually because I seem to recall that a certain psychopath (actually also might be a sociopath) labeled me as the super duper hacker a while ago. I guess I need to dig out the old DVDs of the Matrix and try and channel Nero a bit more, after all that's what it takes and hacking is easy, I guess that's why companies pay so much money to people checking if their sites are vulnerable... Maybe at one point I talk about the "amusing things" psychopath came up with with the aid of a bunch of prepaid mobile phones, it involved police, RSCPA (thanks for helping me to get 2nd dog asshole, instead of taking my menagerie away they offered us another Dobie, former problem child who turned out to be K's loving brother and the most gentle and goofy boy on the planet, even the cats are crazy about him), fire brigade, ambulances, calls to work (got a better job now) and more fun and games.

I was surprised how easily somebody can harass you long distance, but it's actually really simple, in the US you can buy mobile phones without any form of ID, just cash. You buy the phone for something like $10 and then a prepaid card, for an additional $10 most providers give you unlimited international calls. In Europe you need ID or at least a confirmation of your address, so the authorities here automatically assume that calls are "valid" because they're trackable, well, tracking it to a Radio Shack or Supermarket (yeah, some were purchased at RiteAid) doesn't really help. Now additionally scumbag was smart enough to wait at least a week before activating said cards - duh! CCTV footage is usually deleted every 48 hours... I was quite surprised what I learned the very hard way...

To be honest for a few months I was a nervous wreck, losing your job isn't peasant, having your other half being harassed at work with outings even less (kinda puts a strain on the relationship), but fuck it, our relationship survived and is stronger than ever, I enjoy the new things I do a lot more, I found out who my real friends are and even connected with a few people (some had the same experiences with him) that are a real addition to my life. Authorities realized he's full of crap and ignore his calls now.
What helped me most was a help group for people that are stalked, they and a fantastic therapist helped me to realize that I'm not the single victim, just his current "flavour of the month", the way he went on about it shows that he's got quite a bit of experience in harassing women.

Of course a lot of it was my own fault, I felt for the "nice guy, rough around the edges and socially awkward" shit (imagine the typical but slightly nutty old uncle who's a redneck type) and gave him my personal email... Now there's that thing called XOBNI, a small little program - due to being on a Mac and not aware of what's available for PCs (yeah, duh, embarrassing for such a super duper hacker as I am apparently, make sure I don't turn your toaster into a microwave once I watched the Matrix again - be warned), with XOBNI you just need an email address and you get all the social networks connected to that address, so yep, he had Facebook and LinkedIn, including family and work info and the games began. Yes, I changed all that, set it on private, changed email addresses but the damage was done...

I bore you a bit by telling you to PLEASE always have an alternative email address, preferable an anonymous one from Google, Hotmail or Yahoo unless you know the person really well. And don't be fooled by somebody who tends to be a bit sycophantic, in fact that should be a warning sign. I kinda feel sorry for the people nutcase is getting now friendly with. If there wouldn't be real people behind it who might get hurt, it would be amusing to see how he swarmily tries to ingrate himself with people. I hope they are more careful than I am, because seriously, can't be the savior of the world and roughly 2 years of his psycho terror were enough for me. Mind you, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd try something new...

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Never thought I do this...

But today I read Domina M's blog and just couldn't help myself squeaking "Yes, oh fucking yes!" It's fucking great to bust some myths... (I guess it's time to confess that I don't sleep in leather PJs and command an army of submissive who feed me chocolates - I HATE chocolate)

I don't know if anything comes out of it, but it might be amusing to just write down my thoughts, quite a few friends are still dommes, I can really relate to what they are going through, sometimes I miss it a bit, but then I think about the wanker calls and some of the truly annoying clients and the feeling evaporates. I don't think I would have the patience anymore to deal with the passive aggressiveness (I don't really know why at least 90% of all so called "submissives" are passive aggressive little shits, maybe somebody can enlighten me - that is actually something I want to address later), if I could keep a straight face when it comes to sycophantic declarations of everlasting devotion (guys, you think we haven't heard it before? You want us to believe you - show us, don't chew our ears off)... And the whole fucking drama, and trust me, I know some dommes are drama queens, but never underestimate subs...

Actually, I'm going to make dinner, I'm pretty sure I can think of more later...

Btw and while I figure all this out, do check out Domina M's great blog, not only she also talks quite candidly about her history as a Domme, she also got great pics of herself - eye candy guys.