Monday, 3 March 2014

Why is it so hard to meet somebody online?

Actually, I don't really agree with it, but it is something that comes up again and again in discussions, and not just guys claim that, also women. Though the women tend to complain a lot more about being stood up (which does happen, yours truly also has been stood up), guys tend to complain about women are so hard to approach.

Mind you, at the moment I'm more talking about life-style, leave Pro-Dommes aside for a moment, because that's pretty clear cut.

When it comes to life-style, I guess it is quite difficult for guys to meet women, but guys, in all fairness, you make it pretty hard for yourself. I was just joking with a friend about it as I got a bunch of mails on CM and FL, where people claim to have read my profile and they deducted from that, that they're my ideal partner/slave/submissive...

Now my profile states VERY VERY clearly, that I'm not looking, that I have a partner, I'm there for the forums and discussions. Sure if I got the time, I'll happily talk to somebody, but it really depends how somebody approaches me. If you approach me claiming to have read my profile and you clearly haven't, well, that's a bit of a bad start, isn't it? I mean you start out with telling me a big lie and then you wonder why I don't want to talk to you?
Basically you're telling me that you couldn't even take the time to find out ANYTHING about me, you might have looked at my picture and because you're a bit desperate, the little head started to do all the thinking. Additionally you just assume I'm so stupid that I won't spot your lie, you expect me to be flattered? I mean really? Might work in an alternative reality, unfortunately we're still on planet Earth.
And nope, after I told you 3 times that I am not looking and my profile clearly says so, really no need to send me another message with "Let me know if you change your mind!" Buttercup, don't hold your breath!

Also if you want to friend me so you can tell me all about your kinks, hell no! Buddy, you're a stranger, why would I want to hear the explicit fantasies of a complete stranger? Do I look like a sex therapist or do you think my life revolves around you getting your rocks off? Even more if you send me messages in text speak. Seriously, I'm not 14 anymore and your profile says you're in your 50's and "wud b interested in being ur friend Im vy kinky n wud like 2 discuss this with u., btw u luk GORGEOUS!" is the best you can do, I have to pass (and yes, it is copy and paste). Because I was still having my morning coffee and was procrastinating (something I do rather well) I replied and suggested that leading with your kink and spelling like a teenager texting doesn't really work. The reply was that I should command him to spell right and he wants to talk NOW.
Where do I start? 1st, I don't take orders from strange "submissive" men (Can you spot the contradiction?), 2nd don't effing tell me how to spend my time, 3rd why would I want to command a stranger? I'm not suffering from Domititis, I have no desire to command or dominate everybody and everything around me, that would be rude and very frustrating. I actually enjoy treating people in a polite manner, the clincher is, that I expect to be treated politely too. Pretty simple...

I am chatting with somebody currently, well several messages a day when we both have time, nothing in common kink wise and far away from each other, but he sent me a really nice and polite mail, wished me a nice day, and naturally I replied. We talked about all sort of things, and yeah, his kink came up too and his search. Because now we were already talking, it wasn't a bit deal, it was just something that came up, I think I could help him to identify a few problems and suggested that he might increase his chances by knowing how to do a good massage or a simple manicure, not perfect, just something that every woman loves to have done to her. Something that gives him a bit of "bargaining power" - though bargaining is the wrong word, if he can offer something that women want, he has a foot in the door, it's a lot easier than "Well, I can offer you my kinks", there's no shortage of those offers and he's competing in a very competitive arena where a lot of women always complain that guys just want something from them and they feel like a fetish delivery system. A guy who offers something without strings, he'll stand out, somebody might be tempted to get to know him and even if his kinks aren't 100% hers, a bit of give and take, and we make allowances for people we like. It really isn't rocket science!

Honestly, I can't give anybody a blue print and tell you exactly what works, but look what you have to offer (besides your kinks, do NOT lead with your kink) and treating women like you would treat them in a vanilla environment (in short, be a Gentleman, if she isn't a Lady, her loss and you wouldn't want her anyway, at least I hope you aren't that desperate) will go a long way.

What I can tell you is what doesn't work and what frustrates women without end!

Actually I planned to write something about women and why they might not be as successful as they wish when it comes to online dating, or kinky dating, but there is that pesky thing called work, and I best get to it, but I might give it a go next!