Friday, 28 March 2014

Not a real Domme - WTF does that mean?

OK, so I recently heard that I'm not a weal and twue Domme, because I do some really undominant stuff, like volunteering for charities,  if I can, I like to help people out, I like animals and I don't eat meat, I think I'm privileged that I am fairly healthy, and I can't help but feeling that's down to dumb luck, you know such things as surviving cancer without much of a scratch (apart from donating an ovary, but hey, a ton of cancer victims would wish to be so lucky), I can't help to feel that somehow it puts me in a place where I have an obligation, not sure to whom, let's just call it the universe, to give something back.

Lately I got a whole bunch of messages about how I camouflage as a sadist, because real sadists aren't nice. Well fuck me sideways, I'm terribly sorry that being a person with a life messes with your idea about how a Domme should be. How dare I have a life, interests outside of BDSM, and how dare I being a decent human being? I know it's outrageous and somebody will rip up my Domme card, I guess it's time to confess that I don't walk around clad in leather 24/7 as well or keep slaves in my (non-existent) basement... No, I also don't have an urge to dominate everything I come in contact with, with people it would just be rude, with furniture it would be freaking useless and I'd look like a fool, with the dogs, well I have to be the alpha to make them follow orders (it's the pecking order), with the cats, they'd just laugh if I'd try to boss them around! I guess I'm fucked now...

Honestly, I like BDSM, it's part of my genetic makeup, hardwired, but it's not ALL of my life, it's a small part of my life, quite an essential part, admittedly, but I don't want to have tunnel vision. There is so much more to life than just BDSM, you know just hanging out with friends, a job, all that....

As for the sadist part, yeah, I'm a sadist but I'm also human and I'm NOT (and hope I will never be) an abuser.
So that rules out hurting people who don't voluntarily sign up to be hurt, because it turns me on to see somebody in pain, because I like inflicting pain to somebody who voluntarily signed up for it, be it because he or she wants to endure if for me, or because they crave the pain. It doesn't make a bad person because it's consensual.

So if you think I need to be a bitch 24/7 so your stereotypical tunnel vision is not disturbed, how about you kindly fuck off!

In case it turns you off that I'm the kind of person who will take the puppy or the wounded bird home, who will help the old lady with her shopping and all that jazz, GREAT! Because I seriously don't want to be your fetish delivery system and your myopic view turns me off. Actually turning me off doesn't quite describe it, it makes me want to puke.

In case it disturbs your fantasy that I'm a real person with a real life, why don't you just walk away? Even better, run, as fast as you can. And don't bother informing me, because I would only tell you to run a bit faster.

At the end of the day, as long as I am happy with myself, what you - the stranger on the internet - thinks about me, it doesn't mean jack shit. And if you think that I have to be the mean bitch and an abuser just so your fantasy stays intact, I would laugh into your face, if I could actually be bothered.

Come on, get your arse off the internet, volunteer in a shelter, join a gym, take classes, go to a munch, stop looking at porn and get a life.

End of rant!

PS: As a little update, Phil (who had that excellent guest blog about Depression & BDSM and if you like that try ShiftyW's post about BDSM & PTSD too) seems to have made a similar experience from the other side, and had a rant about not being a twue subbie.
What can I say? There are a lot of idiots around...