So I opened up my FL again and guess what, yeah, there is a long rambling letter with a laundry list of what I can do to a guy for "my pleasure" and then he complains about pro dommes and life-style dommes, the former ones are all greedy whores (according to him) and the latter are mostly fat, old and unattractive (again according to him) and since he considers me not too fat, too old (duh, thought I set my profile to 86 to not attract them) or too unattractive (wonder how he can tell since all he sees is a leather corset) he decided to write me and offer himself. OH LUCKY ME...
I know it's not easy to find a life-style domme, possibly not even for casual play, but it's also not easy to find a girlfriend or a kinky girlfriend, sitting at your computer and typing with one hand won't make it easier.
First impressions count, if you come across like a whiny little cry-baby, feeling sorry for yourself and telling me how hard it is, I have an impression of you, that impression isn't flattering.
If you think you flatter me by talking nasty about other women - think again, you come over as a classless, mean spirited little creep.
So you talk about serving me, but then you have this long list of what you want me to do to you, hey, if I go for a massage, I usually pay because the massage therapist is providing a service, so if you want your ass caned, it's nothing else, spare me the "for my pleasure".
Oh yeah, and don't bemoan the fact that there are so many big women in BDSM, guess what, a lot of big women around, if you don't like them look the other way. Nobody says you have to find them attractive but if you bitch about them being there, then let me bitch about needy little creeps...
Actually, it's a bunch of wasted keystrokes, said all before
http://exdomme.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html
I'm falling deeply in love with you.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe I'm just infatuated with your attitude...
;-)
I'm just getting tired of guys who think because they want something, they should get it and the approach "Since I call myself submissive, all women should be eager to be my fetish delivery system".
DeleteI tend to get a bit grumpy on occasion ;)
I actually think you were spot on with your 'Domme not your mom' comments. I don't want to delve too deeply into why these lazy slobs need to be dominated by a woman, but I'm betting there are some mommy issues. It just seems to fit, they have this fucked up fantasy of a woman who is supposed to cater to their every whim, yet they are completely under their female authority. Isn't that how it works for a spoiled little boy? "I want *that* mummy, get it for me!"
ReplyDeleteHow very attractive to a dominant woman!
You make an excellent point that this is not submission. Maybe there needs to be a new term coined for these little boys who need a mom but want a domme. They need Momination (sorry, I know that's not very clever).
Ironically, I'm betting that a good number of these lazy gits could become decent submissives if they could face this first and have it whipped out of them...
I think some guys get turned on by pretending to be submissive, doesn't mean they are but they just hate to hear that they are not...
DeleteI think you are on to something pretty important here, I'd love to hear your further thoughts on this.
ReplyDeleteI've never considered guys getting a thrill from pretending to be submissive.
I guess I've always considered that kind of person somewhat 'hardwired' for submission, but simply lazy and unfocused and suffering from the Momination syndrome. They know something about the idea is a deep turn on, but they are scared little babies when it comes to actually diminishing in favor of someone else's increase, and also just too habitually lazy to do the hard work of subbery.
I don't mean to say I think you are wrong about the pretending, you have a fascinating perspective on it that I have never considered.
What a great thing conversation can be.
Consider this, they read something or see a video that turns them on, they have fantasies about being submissive, but they only focus on one aspect, the one that turns them on, reality doesn't quite work this way, dommes aren't mind readers or service tops, so they end up complaining about "how much work" being submissive is and how difficult it is to find somebody who gives them the kind of domination they want...
DeleteBefore your post about some guys who get off on the pretending, I would have put such a person in a category of submissive but misguided and lazy and/or spoiled.
ReplyDeleteIt seems as though you are describing something much more insidious. Part of the thrill for such a person would probably include your pissed off reaction? This is the child who throws a tantrum when they don't get their lolly, but secretly wants a good scolding from mummy?
Something like that?
Do you think there is a salvageable core of a submissive in these whiny babies, or are you saying they are truly not submissive, they merely get off on the play of jerking you around, maybe even for spite?
Not everybody is the same, but I'd say there is a huge part who gets off on the sexual fantasy and doesn't realize that submission isn't just the bit that "gets them off", they are the ones who then complain about how they aren't getting what they want.
DeleteA bit like people who see somebody who's successful and think they deserve the same success, but without being willing to put in the same amount of work, or have the same innovative ideas. It's more tunnel vision.
such a key insight as being submissive means submitting to someone else!...in these cases a Domme woman who will actually then want things done generally her way..........heard a Domme once put it that these pretend-subs have a submissive fetish that they like to bring out and play with occasionally instead of actually wanting to do so or be so.....
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit late in replying, but yes, that's a pretty good description, it's a bit like "force me to do things I want to do anyway..."
ReplyDelete