Thursday, 4 October 2012

Aftercare


So you are having a session and you are flying high on endorphins, pretty much like you have taken some drugs, actually endorphins are exactly that, drugs your body naturally produces. Similar to a runner’s high, I’m addicted to it, not the running, I’m a bit too busty for that, but inline skating, swimming, all that. Best feeling in the world. I once went for about 45 miles on inline skates, first to work out some frustrations from a (vanilla) job, but after about 20 miles and going through the pain barrier, I felt like I was flying and could go to the end of the world… Well the end of the world were the stairs to my flat at that time, the moment I stopped moving and sat down, I just couldn’t get up anymore, muscles locked and I crawled upstairs on all 4s, went into the bath tub and had a hard time getting out again… Luckily it was a Friday, but I think that was one weekend I seemed to have slept through completely… Oh and the pain in my legs on Monday, woahhhh….

Anyway, the endorphins released during BDSM play are similar to those released during sports, but your mental state is a bit different, you usually recover really well from a runner’s high without anything else. With BDSM it’s not just endorphins but also a lot of adrenaline, you’ve been flying high and the sensations stop, for some people that’s not a big deal, others get a sub-drop (btw there is also such a thing as top drop and it’s pretty grim) when they’re coming down to reality. OK, it’s only a chemical reaction but while you’re in the middle of it, it can feel pretty intense up to the point of feeling abandoned, depressive, not really in touch with yourself and the world.

OK, some of you don’t experience it, so just skip it, some people are in relationships and they get all the aftercare they need, if it’s not a problem, skip it.

Aftercare is mainly a problem for people who play casually or for clients at commercial dungeons.  It is pretty difficult to get proper after care after a commercial session. Now before anybody thinks this is against pro dommes, it’s not. Let me tell you a few facts:

-       If she’s an independent, chances are that she rents from somewhere, in case she is in the room longer than she booked it, they are going to charge her more, or in the worst case scenario they have already rented out the room for the next session – if the next session can’t happen, the dungeon owner will be unhappy, the other domme will be unhappy, her client will be unhappy – guess who they are going to take it out on? The domme you sessioned with! Guess who’s going to cover the costs? Exactly, the domme you sessioned with…

-       If she works in a house, if she doesn’t vacate the room in time, same thing, she could even lose her job over this.

I know aftercare is important but what does happen is, that usually people want to session around the same time, lunch break, after work, after dinner, basically whenever guys have an excuse to get away. Rents are quite high, now the rent for just a room is usually between 1/3rd and half of the session price, dommes depend on taking the sessions within the time frame they have… They need to survive as well and pay their rents…

One of the things you should do is make sure that you are alright, even if your pro domme is not able to give you the aftercare. It’s easy to get on a high horse and demand that the domme gives you aftercare, but bear in mind you are having a professional relationship, you are paying her for the session, she’s not your life coach or your shrink.

So when you had a professional session and after you had the session you feel a bit disorientated, you are sad to the point of being depressed and close to tears, chances are that you are having sub drop, it’s a chemical reaction, being aware of it can help A LOT, just remember that it will pass, but you need to give yourself some time. In case you are prone to sub drop, give yourself some time after the session, take a walk, stop in a coffee shop and have a hot drink, maybe a light snack. Pamper yourself.
Try not to drive immediately after your sessions if you’re feeling low. Have a little ritual that helps you, make sure you clean yourself up, grab a drink – a non-alcoholic one would be good, water is excellent. Chances are you sweated a bit, you need to rehydrate, have a little walk.
A hot drink like a hot tea or chocolate will make you feel more comfortable, your favourite fruit, a small snack. It would help if you have comfortable clothes you can change into, have a hot bath, curl up with a good book.

Of course TLC is the best aftercare, one of the reasons why dommes often hug you when they are saying goodbye, it helps you to get you back to real life, gives you the “human touch” that will sustain you a bit. Remember we are not mind readers, we do not really know how you are going to react after a session.

In case you are having THE DROP, you need to be aware of it, you need to make allowances for it, if you know it’s going to happen and you are mentally prepared for it, it will hit you a lot less hard. Do whatever you need to do to feel good, breathing exercises are especially good, music, whatever works for you. Sub drop can cause your body a lot of stress, it’s not the first time that you experience stress, so you know what usually works for you. An idea might be to simply book a quick head massage – usually not too expensive in most cities – a while after your session and just enjoy being touched and relaxed.

In case you are having medical issues like diabetes, monitor your glucose levels closely and make allowances for that after your session. If you are feeling confused or not yourself DO NOT DRIVE.

We’re all adults, most of us have had the blues before, we’ve dealt with depressions and know what usually works for us, so just being prepared and having a few simple feel good rituals will usually work. In case you know your session will be more intense, you need to give yourself more time.

It would be a good idea to let the domme know and maybe arrange a time when she is not busy and can give you more aftercare, maybe be the last session of the day and then go for a drink together, so you’re still in her company and she can help you to come down….