It was something I read on a message board, a kink board, but in a way it really doesn't just translate to kink but almost every situation where men and women interact in relationships or attempts to form relationships.
Background is, a guy new to BDSM (D-type) gets a boner each time somebody calls him Sir, which is a bit inconvenient because he's in the military (tight briefs, Sir, forget about wearing boxer shorts, Sir - sorry, couldn't resist) and if he goes shopping he eyes up women and wonders how their breasts would look with clamps, their butts with his hand prints...
So in short a discussion got sparked off, nothing unusual, most people had the take "Your thoughts are free, as long as you don't stare or make it obvious, nobody knows what you are thinking, if it bothers you, concentrate on your tax bill..."
Topic went a bit off track, as it happens everywhere but especially on the internet.
Some women expressed a dislike for being leered at (understandable), men declared it as a compliment and we should be happy, and a guy threw in the question:
"Hey, you girls can't tell me that you never looked at a stranger and wondered how it would feel if his cock would slide into you...."
Much bewilderment amongst the female participants (dominants and subs alike) and pretty resounding "No, not really! Never!"
More bewilderment from the men, all women (even some who said they have an abnormally high sex drive) bewildered that the guys don't understand...
Light bulb moment and a woman asking "Is that why strange men send us cock pictures? They really think we want to see this?"
It really does explain a lot, it's not completely new and all that, but I hardly have ever seen it spelled out that clear. Deep down we all know that men and women process things a bit different, but sometimes it just takes something like that to make it all crystal clear.
Somewhere else there was another comment, when a guy asked if all Dommes want payment, there were a couple of funny remarks, I was tempted to say "You can pay in blood, and nope, I'm not a vampire or a blood bank!" But figured it's not good form to scare newbies, so for a change I actually DID behave (can I have a round of applause please?)
A good one came from a dominant Lady:
"Basically, you're going to have to pay in some sort of currency or another to be in a relationship with a woman."
Another great comment came from a switch guy who seems to understand women very well:
"In gender-sensitive language, women want something out of the
"relationship", and, the more impersonal the relationship, the more
impersonal the "thing" that women want out of said relationship."
Or as DominaM said once (I'm paraphrasing since I don't recall her exact words):
"You don't pay us to dominate you, you pay us to go away and not dominate you and call you up, when we want that iced coffee at 3am in the morning!"
It basically boils down to a conversation I had on the blog of hermajestysplaything where we discussed what goes into a D/s relationship and how to make sure that it has a long life, and the idea is really trying to meet each other half-way and COMMUNICATION, not just talking AT each other, but listening what the other person is really saying.
Kinky relationships really aren't all that different from real relationships, still humans involved with feelings and all that...
Sorry if I didn't deliver the perfect blue print, in case anybody has one, please give me a shout!