Tired...

Had a week and then some, really really busy and just watched an old Stones documentary on the BBC, laughed my ass off when old Keiff said "I never had a problem with the drugs, I only had a problem with the cops"

Anyway, they played a few bars of Salt of the Earth, I do love that song and I'm going to inflict it on you guys...

Heck, one can't help but really like Keiff, never liked Jagger and his strutting around all that much (great voice though)

Anyway, if you are looking for a good read for the holidays and you haven't read it yet, get yourself Life, his autobiography, got it some years back when it came out (2 or 3 years ago I think, around my stalker being active) and it's a fantastic read and really entertaining!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Keith-Richards/dp/0753826615




I'd really be hard pressed to decide if Keiffer or Pete Townshend's my fave guitarist, of course there are a ton of other great guitarists, Slash, Nigel Pulsford and a few others come to mind. Of course there is also Jimmy Page, but I can't forget the damned re-union gig, those endless freaking solos just annoyed the hell out of me. Well, at least I knew a few Led Zep songs (though they would benefit from less guitar wanking, we know you can play, get on with the fucking song, please) unlike Aunty...

Force me...

It's one of my old pet peeves, really, this whole forced thing, if you desire something and especially in professional BDSM, there isn't anything really "forced" and that's great because otherwise it would simply be abuse. It's a popular theme in BDSM porn, but in BDSM porn the women are also often men hating freaks, which is quite different to somebody who has a loving relationship with a submissive!
You're requesting something and your fantasy is being forced to do it, it doesn't mean it's really forced!

I can understand that a submissive will want to do something for  his or her dominant that they don't enjoy but they know the dominant enjoys, that's a different issue because it's not forced, it comes from the desire to serve.

There are so many myths surrounding BDSM and one of the biggest is that BDSM is all about hurting people and forcing them to do things they don't want to do...
Well, if that would be true, then why on earth would clients actually PAY for it? Why would everybody stress consensual so much? Why would there be safewords?

There is a huge difference between BDSM and abuse!

Playfully forcing somebody - in a consensual non-consensual way - is a lot of fun, I guess it's something we've all experienced, somebody screaming NO NO NO but meaning YES YES YES, hey fun, we all got the safe word in case it's not fun anymore and so the dominant partner knows when to stop without breaking the illusion of force, yes, it's a fantasy game that is really really hot!

One thing that irks me without end is the molly coddling of subs and telling them that oh it's OK and that they were really forced. What's that about? Are there some dominant women who are really so freaking insecure that they need to suck up to every guys fantasy just for a bit of approval?

A lot of the blogs strike me as people who only dream about BDSM and are terrified to offend somebody, yet trying to stylize themselves as some sort of online BDSM authorities without ever having had a BDSM relationship. I just don't really get the reason behind it, if you want to have a relationship, get out, meet people and check out if you have the right chemistry.

There is no right and wrong way to do BDSM (apart from safety aspects, but that's pretty much common sense), if the people involved are happy, that's it, what anybody else thinks about your relationship or if you are doing it right or wrong shouldn't matter. Heaven knows that my relationship would be far too vanilla for most people and it really doesn't bug me one bit, we're both quite happy with the way it goes, so some internet stranger thinking we're not doing it right - yeah, that's going to phase me about as much as the proverbial bike in China.

A lot of the information on the internet and in BDSM porn is really confusing, there is a lot of day dreaming and there are tons of fantasy stories about what BDSM is. Of course it's more exciting if you make it out it's some dark and scary place, it will add to the mood, but in a relationship it can't come from a dark and forbidden place because the essential thing that you need is trust.
In BDSM porn the bitchy, man-hating domme is a thing that keeps reoccurring, but that's a fantasy, a BDSM relationship can only work if there is a feeling of mutual trust.

One thing that really gets me about some so called "Femdom" blogs is that they seem so desperate, basically anything the sub wants is OK, and he has to be applauded and coddled and told how much it is his right, how wonderful that he opens up and demands those things... I often think "Woman, get a foster child if you don't have one of your own".

This whole turning the submissive into some spoiled little brat and essentially bending over backwards to try and keep the illusion that he found a dominant woman (who is going to serve him and reinforce his expectations) is about as ridiculous as the whole femdom porn fantasy of the always leather/latex clad domme who hates men and will force them. It tends to reek of desperation, heck I like men, submissive or kinky, I like them as MEN, not children who need guidance. In short I want a willing partner in crime, not somebody I have to cajole and convince, stroke his ego all the time and basically serve him while desperately pretending I am his dominant.

Unless you are having a strictly professional relationship and not a relationship with some BDSM elements, the fantasy warrior idea won't fly. Essentially you have a partner and HOW the power exchange takes place and WHEN is up to you. The dominant doesn't automatically turn into a parent substitute, of course there is always age play but that is only one spectrum of BDSM.

Let me repeat, BDSM is all about consent, that means that you can withdraw your consent at any time in case it makes you feel uncomfy or you feel you're pushed to far, dominants don't tend to be interested in turning you into mindless drones, most BDSM relationships are actually very LOVING relationships, just with a bit of kink thrown in, often with power exchange in various ways, sometimes with a bit of pain, but there is no law that says pain is essential to a BDSM relationship, a lot of people have relationships of every kind, also BDSM relationships without pain!

To sex things up...

Just by chance I ran across a little youtube video, nothing dramatic, but while I was in Austria I used the chance to visit the Wolford factory (yes, spent far too much money there...) and for all the guys who complain that their wife is not interested in sex anymore, when was the last time you gave her a reason to feel sexy?

Home sweet home

Back home and lots of peppermint tea. Somebody slap me silly in case I eat shellfish in a less than stellar restaurant ever again...

Got to love food poisoning...

I'm in one of the nicest areas of Austria, it's wonderful, snow, Christmas markets everywhere with the smell of delicious food and hot mulled wine but since I still haven't got rid of my food poisoning, I'm on bland rice and peppermint tea...

Torture, delicious smells everywhere and I can look forward to my bowl of rice, I guess I will need to take my frustration out on somebody once I am back...

Love the snow

But I really really hate the dry air in hotels, opened the windows and all, steamed up the room with a shower, wet towels over the heating, still, woke up with my eyes swollen...

From there on it went worse - food poisoning.... A rather effective diet, but seriously nothing to recommend for weight loss....

Let me moan

And not in a kinky way, flying with an ear and sinus infection is a pain, really a pain, went into a chemist at the airport and got sinupret and feel a hell lot better (though quite snotty), getting up at 4 am is not fun, going through security what a freaking pain in the ass, airports are just a hassle now, especially idiots in front of you who have money in their pockets, or pocket knives and then try to argue, holding up a long line... 2 hours checking in for a 1 hour flight... yay...

I do like the hotel though, really cool an old office building from the Art Deco period with a real paternoster or alternatively a lift, I like the paternoster... In the middle of the room is a glass cage which is the shower, LOL, I think it might be fun for some guys to order a lady of the night in and watch her showering, better than pole dancing ;)

Anyway, after 10 hours of meetings (try to concentrate with a killer sinus headache) I think I just kick back and watch some German TV, should be fun... Outside everything covered with snow and shops open until 10 pm - I best lock myself in for another 2 hours, I am near the main shopping district and I don't want to risk a nuclear credit card melt down ;)

Discard the socks on the floor... but yeah, that is the view from the bed... Really a strange set up, but wow, the shower is powerful and great...

Blogger and the break...

Preparing to go on a business trip for a few days and then visiting friends and family, so right now not only wrestling with Power Point presentations (the bane of my life, I just HATE it) but also checking that all my business suits are pressed and well packed.

So I'll be having a week all over Europe, giving up 2 weekends for work and crossing a bunch of borders, seriously, within Europe not a big deal but flying is such a pain in the neck...

To make things even better, sinusitis and a middle ear infection, oh hooray, I so do not look forward to tomorrow morning, especially not since I have to get up at 4 am (aka stupid o'clock).

Oh well, at least I could let off some steam... Might be checking in at odd times from a hotel room...

BDSM and a spouse

Whenever BDSM comes up and somebody is sneaking around the wife, a lot of people raise the finger and point out how dishonest it was to get involved, knowing your spouse doesn't share it...

To be honest, yes, it would be better if you would have thought about it before you got involved, but let's face it, we don't have much of a choice who we fall in love with and maybe you really thought those desires and urges would go away, or maybe they weren't quite as prominent as they are now. I'm not giving you a free pass for cheating on your spouse, but if you insisting on it would mess up the relationship, then by all means rather than force your wife or girlfriend to do something she'd hate, take it outside and then your best option is a pro domme.

The problem a lot of people have is talking to their other half and explaining, it's a bit easier for women, with submissive guys the main worry the woman will have is if you aren't going to change. There are a lot of rumours about and a lot of misconceptions about BDSM and her hearing that you have submissive feelings, she is bound to worry how the whole relationship will change. It's your job to reassure her that you are not planning to change the whole relationship (and in case you do and she doesn't want that, do what's right and let her go - long term you are both going to be unhappy), that you aren't expecting her to lead you around on a leash day in day out or keep you in a cage under the bed.

Proceed with caution is all I can say, and think how you bring it up, might be a good idea to share a bottle of wine and watch a movie that is a little bit kinky to bring it up, or talk about music, BDSM images are in most music videos, a great opening to mention something innocent like "Have you ever experimented with BDSM?"
In case she denies it and wonders why you ask: "The clothes are so hot and I thought about it a few times, as long as it's not too extreme..."

Don't shock her away with your wildest desires, give her time to get used to it. Also have a few things at hand, that maybe blindfolds or tying somebody to the bed is already a mild form of BDSM, now who hasn't done that at least once, it will look less scary to her ;)

Always make sure she understands that you want to try it with HER, you trust her, you feel comfortable enough with her... No woman wants to get the feeling that she's just a fetish delivery system, so tell her she would look great in boots, how much it turns you on to see her in them, how much more it would turn you on to see her just in boots...

Once you made her curious and she's willing to experiment a bit with you, again go slow, and after each experiment, be super super attentive and loving (flowers, doing something she wants to do, cuddles, etc.), yes in a way you do condition her to see kink as something very rewarding, something positive... She might even take advantage of it and initiate kinky things more often.

You should also ask what her boundaries are, what she can imagine, what would turn her on, and while I don't think you should get her mindlessly drunk (dangerous and how much fun is it if somebody has to interrupt to run and vomit...) if a glass of wine or a glass of champagne just makes her a bit more relaxed, go for it.

For a lot of people it's super helpful if they're doing some kind of role play, you might even go to a hotel first to play there, pretend that she picks you up at the bar or something like that. A lot of times it will make it easier for her, she can just pretend to be somebody else, it might even turn her own...

Also make sure that she knows everything is consensual and that she can stop at any point, use the simple traffic light code:

Green: Everything is fine
Yellow: Careful
Red: Stop straight away

What's really important is that you shouldn't expect that it will work from today to tomorrow, give her time, don't push too far and don't stop being her partner otherwise, unless she indicates that she wants to take more control. Give her enough time to get used to something and get comfortable with it before you push further.

You know there is an excellent book you should consider getting for you and your girlfriend/wife:

When Someone You Love Is Kinky

BDSM Checklist

As I mentioned before, you should know your limits.

It's easy to say you don't have any limits if you have also no experience and everything seems to be so new and exciting, it's also very easy to say you have no limits when everything you've seen is BDSM porn and again, everything was very exciting and arousing, on screen not a lot of things hurt. Tell you what, in your fantasies you can take a lot of pain and it's arousing, also your knees don't hurt, you don't get pins and needles from bondage, kneeling too long oh and your endurance like your erection is endless ;)

Use a bit of common sense and have a little list ready, it helps if you find a dominant and you know what you like and what is an absolute no go. I've said it countless times but it bears repeating, dominants are not mind readers, it's your job as a sub to communicate your limits. It's a little bit like going to dinner, if you don't tell the cook that you have food allergies, they can't avoid using things that you are allergic to.

Pretty often a sub doesn't mention anything and later on it was the bad dominant who violated limits, might work once, might even work twice, but then word gets around and nobody will want to play with you anymore because you look like a professional victim instead of a fun play partner. In case the dominant knows your limit, he or she can work around them, or you can both decide in advance that you're not too well suited.

Here are a few pointers, and I suggest you make a list with all those things and write Yes / No / Maybe.
Don't worry about too many Nos, things will change and what you couldn't ever have imagined at the beginning of your journey might at one point become a maybe, or at a later point even a strong interest and it might end up as a yes, some hard limits will always be the same, and some you should actually have, because self-preservation is quite important.

Just for "shit and giggles" it might actually worth to keep the check list you have now and compare it to another check list further down the line, say in a year or two - in a lot of cases it will look really really different.

I really can't list up everything here, and I think there are more than enough BDSM checklists floating around on the internet, I found one that is quite comprehensive and printable:

Printable BDSM Checklist

The line is really comprehensive and a lot of things are in there and if it's already there, why do another one? So what I'm trying to do here is just give you something to think about and a rough idea what you have to consider.

Most of us have some triggers, some phobias, something that makes us freak out, even stuff that goes back to our childhood. It's really important to let a dominant know, because a submissive having a panic attack is a real mood killer and can be quite dangerous, also mention allergies, especially if it's something that might be part of the play (for example if you have a latex allergy).

So think about what you really fear, are you claustrophobic? In that case, you should mention that before somebody attempts to put you into a cage, if you're an asthmatic maybe you shouldn't indulge in breath play, if you're having heart problems, don't do electrical play...

• Are there some triggers that will bring back bad childhood memories? Some people can't have their faces slapped, others freak out at a beating with a belt, verbal humiliation
• Claustrophobia or panic when being tied up
• Do you panic when you are gagged (breathing problems)
• Do you panic is somebody puts a hood on you - if so mention it
• Anxiety issues
• Playing publicly an issue (job, marriage, just feeling scared...)

• Medical issues  (allergies, heart problems, asthma, diabetic, problems with the knees or back )
• Are you on any medication
• Areas where you just can't stand to be touched
• Marks - where can you have them and how long can they last?
• Blood play and unprotected sex - until you do know your dominant really well and have a good idea about how safe they are and how much attention they put on hygiene, responsibility and sterilization, I would suggest you give that a miss. It might be sexy as hell, but what you can catch is everything but sexy...
• In case you don't want any interaction with other men, say that in advance.
• It's not very likely that somebody will spring urine and feces on you out of the blue, but in case one or both gross you out, it's worth mentioning it!

Again, in case I have forgotten something important, please let me know, this is not a complete list, just a few things to give you pointers and start to make you think about issues you might not have considered.

You also have to be quite honest with yourself about how much time can you really devote to your chosen life-style and be realistic in your expectations. If you fantasize about being submissive but once you've ejaculated it's all gone - maybe you want to think about the whole life-style thing again and stick to pros. Because most dommes won't take too kindly to you pronouncing that you are submissive and losing all interest immediately after your release, it would be a hell lot better if you are open and say you're sexually submissive or just plain kinky. Trust me, nothing wrong with just plain kinky ;)

Need

Sorry about the picture not being very clear, let me copy and paste:

Donations Needed       11/28/12 06:54 AM

Edit   Reply

I have a friend in great need, in the throws of being evicted and losing her child because of it. I have given as much as I can, but 1000 more is needed. If you have it in your heart please donate to my account paypal@fyredanzer.com

Even 10 dollars would help.
I hope my past integrity with others here, shines in this horrible time for Tabitha.

Thank you all.

Madame Ginger

Scary Fun Domme~ 


I know Ginger very well (in fact I once shared her place and we lived together - got sick as a dog and she looked after me, she IS a great person) and I can assure you of her integrity, I have no doubt she wouldn't ask if it wouldn't be very important.

I have sent a bit of money and if you only have $5 or $10, it might really really help somebody who needs it more, not asking anybody to send more than they can comfortably afford (that cup of coffee you're skipping for that, if a bunch of people skip it, it might make the change of somebody keeping their place and keeping the child).

Guys, I know I have no right to ask for anything and I am not, I'm aware I can't change the world, but together we possibly can make it a nicer place for somebody. So if you think you can afford skipping that chocolate bar or that cup of coffee and giving it to somebody, I would honestly appreciate it. 

BDSM Clubs - connect with Dommes

I said a lot about it before and I'm going to link to some blog entries I made before so I don't need to repeat myself (and bore you to tears)

It's a difficult subject, I know and meeting somebody is not easy, my first advise would be to be yourself and really meet people at munches.
In case you are online and you try to talk to people, here are some traps to avoid when contacting a domme
You can be respectful and polite without turning into a sniffeling worm, and dommes tend to be not too attracted to guys who present themselves as worthless worms

In case you just discovered BDSM, you might be really overwhelmed and want to tell everybody about it but I'd advise you to think it through before you out yourself, once you're out of the closet, you can't go back in.
Also have reasonable expectations, don't get confused by labels and don't think everything is like in books or porn, don't expect to be coddled, you're looking for a domme and not a surrogate mom

In case it's just the occasional urge and you're happy with seeing a pro domme from time to time, go with that but do not fall into the trap of thinking it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...
Don't fall in love with a Pro-Domme

So if you book a session, let her know what you want and respect her boundaries and don't get hung up on what to wear and keep your expectations in check, a perfect session requires not just a good domme but also a good chemistry. At one point we were all new to BDSM, but even if you're not, check this out it might make things easier for you and the domme!

Meeting a pro domme is not difficult, you find one who appeals to you and you contact her, after you read her website and after you checked out how to avoid putting your foot in!

Now meeting life-style dommes might be a bit more difficult, but you HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, most dommes are really not computer warriors who want to play cyber games, if you want to do that, do us all a favour and go to Niteflirt or another site, it's work and those women should be compensated for it. Basically you are not looking for a real relationship, you are looking for somebody who's wank fodder for you - there are plenty of free sites out there, if you can't find what you are looking for on the internet and you need to bug somebody, sorry buster, pay for it. No woman owes you to be a fetish delivery system for free!

So once you finally dared to venture out and go to some munches or parties, I gave you a few hints how to behave, in short, the same way you would behave if you would be around people who aren't kinky, just be polite and respectful.
It can't be said often enough: Dommes are women first and we want to be treated like women, not fetish delivery systems!
In short if you don't appeal to us as a woman first, you won't appeal to us as as dommes, so work on the charms and be polite without being a sniffeling menace who bugs us!

Let me make you a list:

1. Be polite and charming, behave like a gentleman!
2. Conversation is important! In case you don't have anything to say, think about a few themes that might interest women too, you might be passionate about your stamp or coin collection, but it's a fair bet most women aren't.
3. Compliment them, but don't go over board with sleazy stuff.
4. A good conversation starter are outfits and toys "Excuse me, I noticed your <item of clothing, toy, etc> can I ask you were you found it? Never seen one like that...."
5. Stand out from the crowd... Chances are there are at least 5 guys for every woman there, you don't want to be the 15th guy who offers to buy her a drink, offer her a crop (you can buy very cheap but high quality crops at equestrian stores)
6. Be honest, seriously, don't lie about your experience, especially if you have none, sooner or later it will come out anyway and if she can't trust you being honest about your experience, she'll possibly figure that she can't trust you at all and you messed up any chance you ever had - and your mouth most likely wrote a check that your ass can't pay.
7. Know your limits - sounds easy, you may even think you have none, so let me bring a few things up that might make you change your mind: lasting marks (scars, tattoos), feces, knifes, electrical play, breath play... I get to that later and give you a few pointers how you can find out in advance... People come into the lifestyle at any point of their lives, nobody was born with the knowledge, so letting somebody know that you aren't experienced doesn't count against you, some even might view you as "unspoiled".
8. Don't think you are experienced because you read a bit about BDSM or you"served" somebody online. There is a world of difference between typing you serve somebody a drink and actually serving somebody.
9. Don't pester dommes to play with you, you can mention that you would be delighted to play if she wishes (again, before that happens you tell her your limits or tell her that you're a newbie) and then leave it up to her. Dommes don't tend to be shy wallflowers, she'll let you know...
10. Know yourself, by that I mean don't get carried away, even if you see something you REALLY REALLY like, do not just go and touch, very bad idea... (I know, should not have to be said but unfortunately it has to be said because it happens)
11. Tolerance! Don't bitch about somebody's fetish, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you, your fetish possibly looks just as ridiculous to somebody else! Live and let live!
12. In case I left something out - please let me know, this is a work in progress!

A lot of it is just common sense and you possibly have figured it out all yourself but in a situation like being in a BDSM club or at a BDSM party, it's easy to forget.

A simple example, I used to go to a Fetish Club in Munich, always pretty full but usually a lot more guys than women, in short it was pretty hard for the guys to meet women or get noticed by them, and to be honest as a woman, you got pretty annoyed after a while when every few minutes a guy came up to you and wanted to "serve" you, the service was usually a kinky interaction for THEIR enjoyment, because seriously, why would I want to exchange my comfy chair to sit rather uncomfy on some guys back, because he wanted to be objectified as a chair, couldn't be a foot stool, had to be a chair... How the hell is he serving me if I'm uncomfortable? Another domme was a non-smoker, a guy insisted on lighting a cigarette for her, because he had a smoking fetish and claimed he wanted to "serve her". Service is not something that turns you on, it's something the domme wants...

Anyway, there was one guy, not outrageously attractive, rather average looking, he carried a little box with him and came over, very politely told me that he admires my boots a lot and has a boot fetish, would I allow him to shine my boots.
I was taken aback for a moment, unlike a lot of the other guys, he was so polite and he actually offered something, and while my boots were nice and not dirty, having them polished well, yeah, sure. He opened his box and had a complete set for shoe care in it, boot blackener, different brushes, even a soft cloth for a proper shine, and guess what, he did a great job. I was so pleased, I asked him if I could buy him a drink as a thank you, he thanked me and insisted on buying drinks, we had a really good conversation and he told me he just wanted to stand out from the crowd and get to know dommes without pestering them, so he figured most of them have amazing shoes and while everybody asks them to kiss their shoes, polishing them is something he never saw offered. Well, damned good thinking! He could approach basically any domme he liked, got to know her, in case she was just a rude bitch, he polished the shoes, thanked her and left.

To cut a long story short, I introduced him to a few friends (other dommes) and whenever we saw him at the club, we talked to him, because we knew him, we also played on occasion with him, his social circle broadened a lot and he never stood around or was the gooseberry.

It doesn't matter if you bring a kit for polishing shoes, if you have some good quality (but cheap) crops and you give one to the domme who caught your eye or just as a conversation starter (again, buy them in equestrian stores - very cheap), do something FOR the domme, the usual "Can I buy you a drink" doesn't make you stand out. There are a lot of ways, if you're good at arts and crafts, make something kinky, again, just stand out from the crowd...

I know I promised a BDSM check list which should help you to define your limits and likes and all of that, but I guess this entry was rather long, so it will have to wait. Stay tuned.

And if you have questions or think a blog entry should deal with something, let me know!

Meeting a Domme (munches, parties, online)

Guys, one of the complains I hear all the time and everywhere is how difficult it is to meet a domme, true, but you know sitting at home and complaining about it on message boards won't make it much easier, I know a lot of you are worried about being out but if you are going to a munch, unless you are a highly visible celeb or politician, it's really nothing you have to worry about.

Let me give you a few pointers and explain what to expect and check it out yourself:

BDSM Munch

What to expect from a BDSM Munch

A munch usually happens in a restaurant or a pub, in a quiet area, the people are NOT dressed up, so please don't show up in all your BDSM regalia because nobody would appreciate it. To the outside world, it will look no different than a bunch of people meeting who share the same hobby, unless somebody listens in closely, you will appear to everybody like a group of people who could as well talk about bowling, sailing (think of all the knots), a group of dog or cat owners, colleagues...

It's a very low key social gathering, informal, low key gathering where you just socialize and meet other people, there is no play involved, you just talk to others and get to know them. It's a good way to find out what's going on in the community, which parties are good and what happens where.

The dress code depends on the place where the munch is held, but usually quite casual, if you are concerned about privacy, use another name. The people at munches really respect privacy (they're all in the same boat as you are) and it's usually on a first name basis.

You find munches by simply googling, BDSM munch and your location.

Once you have been to a few munches, you might be invited to private parties or public parties, or people will tell you which BDSM clubs are in the area and what you should know about them.

In Europe a lot of those parties or clubs have strict dress codes, it doesn't mean you need to arrive in full regalia (which for a lot of people could be a problem), there will be dressing rooms available. There's no need to go all out and show up in a gimp suit, but it's nice if you make some kind of effort, a pair of black leather trousers and a black t-shirt would be a nice touch and shows that you're not just a peeping tom who wants to watch "the pervs".

It's a lot better if you go with some people you know from the munches or a friend, you won't feel like you're all alone in a strange environment, which can be quite intimidating. They can also introduce you to other people (always easier in a group - a single male on his own can easily be the gooseberry) and they can keep an eye on you, help you with the etiquette.

In general BDSM clubs have a very friendly atmosphere (there will be the odd creep, but that's bound to happen anywhere) and the key is just being respectful. Let me point out that they are NOT swinger clubs and going to a BDSM club and thinking a bunch of horny females would jump you and drag you off - it's not going to happen.
Approach the people respectfully (like you would do in any other kind of club), a good way to start a conversation is to compliment somebody on the outfit, the shoes, the toys and just have a conversation. Don't go into full sub frenzy and run to the next dominant and beg him or her to play with you (first of all it's not going to be received well, if you appear desperate, you're undesirable, 2nd it's not safe).

It might actually be a good idea to just go to a bunch of parties and watch and observe, until you feel more at home, you have an idea who the people are and how they play and you feel a bit more comfortable. Introduce yourself to a dungeon monitor or the dungeon master/mistress and let them know it's your first time, in a lot of cases they will show you around and make introductions, which will make it a lot easier for you to meet people.

Don't be disappointed if on your first visit, or even first few visits, nothing happens and you're not partnered up with the domme of your dreams, you don't go into a pub or a bar and expect to find a life partner on the first or second visit.

Some things you have to remember is, that even in the highly unlikely case that somebody is trying to convince you to play with them, if you don't feel OK about it, you can always politely say "NO" and even if you have given your consent, you can withdraw it at any point in time and in case there is a problem, let a dungeon monitor know, that's what they are there for. And in case you are going with a friend or friends, they can keep an eye on you, just like you should keep an eye on them.

In case you play with somebody, make clear what your limits are and what you don't want to happen and don't rush into things!