Wednesday, 25 July 2012

How dare he ask for....

Of course it's annoying if in a professional session guys think that they are seeing an escort (and nope, I have no problem with escorts, in fact I'm deeply grateful that there are escorts, the reasons for that I might discuss later) and gets all funny, demanding things that clearly aren't on the menue. I really don't get it, I mean sorry, you don't go into a Jewish restaurant and order pork chops or lobster.

It's a bit of a double edged sword really, on one hand it's the sex industry, adult industry, however you want to dress it up, anybody working in there shouldn't be shocked all that easily and if you can't handle a guy asking for "extras", get out of it and work in an office. What on earth don't you get about SEX worker? Oh I hear you, of course you are not a sex worker, you provide therapy and it's all about BDSM. Since when is BDSM not sexual? Have you had a look at yourself in your "work gear" lately or your advertising? Skin tight latex and leather outfits, vinyl if you want to cut costs or your lingerie if you don't want to make an investment, high heels, stockings, corsets... You don't take pictures in a burka do you? When was the last time that a client wanted to session with you because he found you so unattractive?

Seriously, if you don't want to admit you work in the adult industry, get out of it, if you want to be a therapist, get your butt to university and become one. Listen, I'm not saying that it's right that the guys ask for something that is not on the menue and I am not saying you should give all kinds of things ending in job, have your own boundaries and make them clear, but acting all butthurt because a guy asks for extras makes you look stupid, naive and weak. Learn to deal with it efficiently, what is so difficult about saying "Sorry, I don't offer that in case it's very important for you, let's cancel the session!" In case you had to book a rental or had expenses getting there, you subtract that from the session fee and hand him the rest back. Don't go overboard and only do that if you actually had costs, if you are working at a house and you were there anyway, you don't charge, unless you bought something specifically for the session. If you kept a time slot open for him, it's fair to charge him between $20 and $50. Of course the classy thing is to hand him back the money, but seriously, what's classy about them? I would consider it a "wanker fine" and hopefully they will learn.

It reminds me of the story of Mr Handjob, when I was in NYC several dommes told me that there is this guy and a good review from him tells the world he got a HJ. Being European, I have a different approach to it, nothing to do with legality, again personal preference. I'm not afraid of touching a cock, how else could I do CBT? Throwing darts? If it's on my terms, not a problem, you ask for it, you won't get, simple as that. Yes, you are booking a service and you have a right to tell me what you want and what you don't want, hard limits, etc, but that ends somewhere because essentially you are coming in for a domination session. In case you want to dictate everything, it's fine but then I'm the wrong gal for you, we might not mesh, it really is that simple.

Now Mr HJ books a session with Domina M, she's stunning but always made it clear that she does like to be in control and that there won't be extras. I forgot if it was in the middle or at the end of the session, he decides to demand a HJ with the brilliant excuse that he has diabetes. Fuck me sideways, did he think she has healing hands or what? Result, she kicked him out and he's been moaning and groaning ever since and doesn't understand that a bunch of dommes refuse to see him. I wonder why that could be?

Here is one for you guys and girls, nobody with half a brain will give you any type of job during a first session, it would be criminally stupid if you are in the US (legal reasons), so should something occur later on in that relationship, do yourself an effing favor and keep your mouth shut about it for obvious reasons. One of them is that the BDSM scene is rife with gossip, you might tell one person, do you know who that person is going to tell and how much gets added. Ever played Chinese Whispers? It's exactly like that and nothing good comes out of it, often bad blood. So forget about the bragging rights, because seriously, if she hears about it, she'll make sure it won't happen again and other dommes will be very very careful. Loose lips sink ships... Plus you might need a recommendation one day, for tht domme you really really want to see, what do you think that's going to look like? Food for thought?

Another thing that I find really really funny is the dommes who get so outraged about clients who ask for extras, yet they have the hottest and most explicit shots and videos on their sites or in their C4S stores. No, I am not judging and I honestly couldn't care less if the guy you're fucking and sucking with is boyfriend, husband, a stranger or how one domme claims "pleasure slave", I know there is a massive difference between movies and real life sessions but do you think the guy who bought your clips and masturbated himself into oblivion will apply logic and rational thinking? He's not going to sit back and wonder "What relationship does she have with that guy?" He sees you being licked, doing all sorts of "jobs" and possibly being fucked - what on earth do you think he's going to expect in a session? The unapproachable Ice Maiden? Goddess Frigid?

I know sex sells and all that, but write a HUGE disclaimer on your site, preferably in RED, I'm willing to bet that there is still much more noise (or requests for the extras you are showing in your clips) and yes, most guys will not read your webpage but look at the pictures (I know, if you just had $1 for every guy masturbating, you possibly could afford a new fetish wardrobe). Little head thinking... Seriously, if you are dangling the carrot, don't be surprised if the donkey is trying to eat it... And please spare me the false outrage!

Now if you are going to advertise body worship, you best make clear what the restrictions are, a guy reading that won't be happy with sucking your toes and most likely not with kissing your latex covered derriere. Body worship might mean something completely different for you than it does for him! So please, no complains if you didn't make yourself clear. If you think it's good to be vague about it as it will attract clients, don't be surprised if they leave again or bitch their heads off on the net. Come on, your name is your reputation, guys are quite anonymous and they can change handles, easy enough for the odd wanker to try and damage your reputation and make your life a living hell with slander - it is pretty stupid to give them a reason with false promises. Really doesn't do much for your business, once you attracted and disappointed all the ones who want what you aren't willing to offer, word gets around, and chances are that the ones who don't want that kind of thing stay away because they're concerned about their health.

False advertising really is a no win situation.

Regards to the Captain, who inspired that post yesterday.... Here's my thank you to my fellow pervert


  1. Lady Constanze

    the fact is that money does change dynamics. seems to me that the submissive who gives money then believes he/she has purchaser rights or the same rights as any buyer of goods would have. in the dominant environment then does the submissive who pays become demanding? i want it done this way or i want this done to me? the dynamics of the relationship are all changed if that is the case and the dominance eroded.

    i love your blog Lady Constanze and am delighted that you have chosen to share your thoughts.


    1. Thank you very much, I didn't think many people would read it or take interest.

      Some might just go in for a roleplay where act out the role of the submissive, and there is nothing wrong with it, but it would be preferable if they'd be honest about it, it would work better for them and the dommes

  2. ......and/or one could essentially pay for genuine dominance in allowing her to do what she wants......if it works and fits well, then you become a return client, if not then it was just a one-shot investment anyways, but a least it was genuine D/s even if there was a commercial nature to it.

    great to read your insights Ms. Constanze!

    1. I would think that money is a bit tight for most people right now, so people might not have the cash to experiment a lot. Nothing wrong really with wanting what you want and finding somebody who is compatible.