Sunday, 22 July 2012

What on earth are you thinking?

HMP's comment got me thinking (and it was so exciting to get a comment, almost like the first reader's letter, I feel young again...)

What he said was:

I have come to realize that pro domination is an extremely difficult and competitive profession. All the adorable young ladies out there in search of "easy money" are in for a rude awakening. My advice to them is "don't quit your day job."
I can't agree more, unless you're a straight 10 (and yes, I really do mean model gorgeous and in that case modelling is a much more lucrative option), chances are that you will have to work for quite a while until you get regular sessions (i.e. a dependable income). A couple of years ago (before the economy tanked) guys were eager to session with a new domme, now money is a bit tight and they want to be sure to get a good session, so they will look if you stick around before they book and what others have to say about you. So a bunch of cameos and you most likely won't get paid for them just so they see you, in case another domme is nice enough to get you into her session. The economy is quite tight and more than a few will be worried about introducing you to their clients - because your gain would be their loss. In the better dungeons the staff is encouraged to not have this competitive attitude and it makes a lot of sense.
  • It creates a really bad work climate
  • Clients pick up on that and are less likely to come for sessions
  • The bad work climate makes being stuck together quite horrible, waiting for clients (yup, this is what you will be doing for most of the time, better bring some books or knitting with you) in such an atmosphere leads to fights and staff leaving...
  • Rather than losing a client to another house, keep them at the same dungeon and let them "slut" around there, guys are horndogs and most clients will session with several different dommes, if they get the feeling that you disapprove and they have to hide it, it reminds them of being married. If they stay in the same house, they will do their rounds there and most likely will come back to you. They also might sing the praise of that house, which will result in more clients.
  • If you are working in a friendly environment, you really learn much more and instead of letting you run into an open knife, the other women will cover for you, teach you and assist you.
  • They will work with you and warn you of bad clients or will tell you about the particular quirks of a client they have seen before - so don't try to poach their clients, be fair and things are much better and more lucrative for everybody involved.
Think about it this way, if you're going to a restaurant, you want to have your dinner in a pleasant atmosphere and not where there is tension in the air...

Some other stuff you will have to consider is the start up costs, you will need fetish clothes (not cheap) but go for quality and not the cheapest outfit you can get away with. There are a lot of things you can do with a corset and a leather skirt and a pair of thigh high boots, if you buy cheap stuff, I guarantee you it's going to rip or lose shape ASAP and you have to buy again. Get a steel boned corset of decent quality, you're better off with an underbust corset, more versatile and the fit can be adjusted, with an overbust corset, doesn't happen. An underbust corset of decent quality you can order online but it still will be about 100, give or take 10 or 20, if it's too cheap to be true, it's not going to last very long, the hooks will be of bad quality and get wedged, the eyelets will come off, etc. It's a waste of money. A real leather skirt, depending on quality, you might find 2nd hand or on eBay (better make sure it's real leather) for maybe 20, boot you might have a pair at home already, but you will want a pair that has a BDSM look, you can get some in goth shops, but I'd advise you to go for the stiletto heel, good quality leather (they really have to fit well, nothing looks worse than boots that are far too wide and you're flopping around in them, or boots that are so tight that your thighs have love-handles, book 300 for halfway decent quality...
You can combine it with a black bra, a hot black bodystocking, a transparent blouse, etc while you get the money together for a leather top and more items.

I always told newbies to buy stuff they like themselves and would wear or could combine with normal clothes, so it wouldn't hurt so much if their career in BDSM wouldn't take off. It certainly does help a lot if you actually like BDSM. It makes learning easier and the clothes won't just be an expense but something you really enjoy.

So you got the basics covered and you're already out of pocket, don't expect to make a fortune or the rent the first few weeks, have another job, even if you're just washing dishes or waiting tables, a secure income helps to take the stress off, it also helps to keep you grounded and in the real world. With a few exceptions over the years (the longest might have been 6 weeks when I had to cover for the head mistress) domming was never my main income. It has another practical aspect, you are never pressured to accept sessions you really really don't want to do because you need the money. I don't mean sessions you simply don't like, I mean stuff that really disgusts you or goes against your personal boundaries. I don't think I need to paint a picture...

For the first couple of months and maybe a year, you will have to invest in more and more fetish clothes and toys. The dungeon might have most of them, but there's a difference between using your own whip, the one you're used to and the ones that are in the dungeon. The same with other stuff, you clean them yourself and all that, you'll be much more comfortable using them. Don't go over board and blow all your money on a ridiculously expensive fetish item, keep in mind you need something you can combine with a lot of other stuff and create a lot of different looks. The guys don't want to see you in the same thing over and over again, they come to see you for a break from reality, don't kid yourself, don't buy into their BS of everlasting devotion, it's a fantasy, it is the adult industry, best look like you stepped out of their fantasy. And while a lot of them will swear they really care for you as a person and want to know all about you, don't be too open... Think stalker, they don't tend to announce themselves, think that you might have to drop the guy as a client because he will want more than domination, not everybody plays with a full deck of cards, some of the guys might go a bit nuts. Unless you want your family and all of your neighbors knowing what you do (it might be a cool idea and you'll feel like a rebel, but if you want a career outside of BDSM, not such a great idea), be careful...

Got a lot more to say about this, if I don't get distracted maybe tomorrow, but for now I want to watch a movie with hubby...