Monday, 23 July 2012

Still not fed up?

To any aspiring domme who might come across the page and reads it, I'm seriously not trying to discourage you, I just want you to know what you are getting into so you can make an informed choice. And the guys out there, yep, it's the reality, so stop bitching about session prices and how easy it is for dommes to live in luxury.

You know what, a lot of you would be losing wood ASAP if they'd hear that a domme can't pay her rent, you're buying into a fantasy and money worries have no place in it, most of them would be blatant opportunists and try to get her to reduce session prices even more or give extras. You want to know why most of us are a bit suspicious or act the way we are - we run into a lot of douchebags on a daily basis. It gets a bit grating to be seen as a fetish delivery system, if you're going to book a session, fine, but for every session there are about 10 guys just wanting to talk fetish for free. Nothing wrong with that but can you imagine how exhausting that is? Also quite disrespectful to want to get your jollies off on somebody elses expense.

For the girls, now that you decided you want to do it and you're in it, don't get out straight away if the money doesn't come floating in unless you really dislike BDSM, look around, try to absorb as much as possible. You've been warned that it will take time. Hang around and observe, success doesn't happen over night. Don't overreach and take sessions you're not comfortable doing due to your skills. First of all it's dangerous and 2nd if something goes wrong, you can count on the guy bitching everywhere (even if he talked you into it), it will damage your reputation and cost you, that's the more harmless thing, the other one would be talking to the police. Even in countries where BDSM is perfectly legal, if you hurt somebody enough and the press gets wind of it, you end up on the front page of every sleazy tabloid. Remember, sex sells.

There will always be guys having a crush on you, just remember, usually it's not you as a person, it's you as a kink delivery system. I know it's easy to believe that your shit doesn't stink when a bunch of guys are telling you that you're the best thing since sliced bread, but keep your feet on the ground, trust me it will work much much better long term.

Don't, no matter what the circumstances are, encourage guys in their crush on you, it's the best way to raise your own stalker, you want this to be a business transaction, because any way you twist or turn it, if the guy pays, it's business and you deliver. If the dishonesty of leading somebody merrily along the garden path doesn't put you off, what it will do to you should.
Think about it clearly, a guy becomes a bit infatuated, of course he's going to try to see you more often, he's trying to be your knight in shining armor and all that, but if he realizes - and sooner or later he will - that nothing comes out of it, he's going to get frustrated and angry. Then you lose a client at best, at worst you gain a stalker, plenty more in between, your former admirer will turn into an enemy and will try and warn others. He might move on to the next domme and again, everything you said or did will be discussed. Of course he wants the new domme to be sympathetic to his plight (or his fellow subs), what do you think are your chances that he reports everything truthfully? Don't you think he might report things a bit in his favor?

You might meet a guy and decide to take him on as a personal, but be clear about the rules, if you're sessioning in a commercial dungeon with him, unless you have a special agreement with the owner, it's a commercial session, you have to explain that to him! Also remember there is no such thing as free lunch, yes, guys will tell you that they're going to buy you things and expect nothing back, and if you believe that, I guess you also believe in the tooth fairy.

In short, be as independent as possible, don't talk too much about your private life - well in short it's like working in an office, only it's the sex industry, so it's a bit sleazier, a bit riskier, you're more prone to meet the odd person who's not very well adjusted and off kilter. Hiding a serious personal disorder is just easier in BDSM where stuff that would raise red flags elsewhere seems acceptable, normal, even desirable. You make allowances for what you think are "quirks" and when you realize that you made a mistake it's often too late.

For all your rationalization, you are on the fringes of society, yes BDSM is becoming more mainstream, it's a good thing, but honestly, it will take a while until a guy will happily announce to his family that the new girlfriend is a dominatrix and they won't bat an eye, or that you can tell a prospective employer in an interview that you wielded a whip for a few years. In case you're doing it to put you through college, think after college... The boss or some colleagues might have jerked off to your pictures (or videos if you were stupid) a lot, doesn't mean they are comfy with what you were doing and won't use it against you - they're possibly terrified that clients might also find out... So do yourself a favor, camouflage, camouflage, camouflage... Wear a mask, wear a wig, wear your hair and makeup so that it makes you look as different from your real self as possible. If you're doing this to finance school so you have a future, then protect that future...

On that happy note, back to work. And hey sod it, I found some pics and thought I'd throw one in, don't get too excited it's about 5 years old