Trolls on BDSM boards

Sadly enough you encounter trolls about everywhere on the net, but it seems on BDSM boards seem to be a bit worse than anywhere else.

Lately MF has had a huge influx of trolls, just one guy really, maybe with another idiot riding the coat tails, but a number of names.

Usually it's easy to ignore them, but this time a domme was targeted in the worst way possible, having been on the receiving end of such a little campaign by some deranged stalker, I had a fair idea how alone and horrible she felt through this, it's honestly not pleasant and it can get you down.

A couple of posters complained that I'm fanning the flames and I just should ignore the trolls, they do have a point, but after talking to the woman who was targeted and she said it meant the world to her that I spoke up for her, she received a ton of private messages of support, but nobody said anything in public and it was grinding her down.

When it comes down to giving support to the person who's unjustly attacked, I rather take the risk of a bit of fanning, because if you are in that position, it's horrible and for the person who's under fire, a little bit of support can mean a hell lot.

What I did in the end was make a post where I asked everybody to give a cheer for the domme being attacked, a ton of people joined in, she did feel better. So guys and girls, if you see some shit like that happening, some cyber-bullying or stalking, don't look away and just think ignoring them is enough, because for the victim and the abuser it looks like you're condoning their actions with silence.

Just my 5 cents

Mainstream BDSM

I’m kind of backing off a bit in regards to 50 Shades, don’t get me wrong, there is still no literary merit in the book, the writing is seriously awful (why couldn’t they afford a good editor?), but I am realizing that it does change the perception of people in regards to BDSM.

Seeing women reading it openly everywhere, guys benefitting from the wet panties of their spouses, couples experimenting with mild BDSM in the bedroom, the idea of a Domme Reality Show being tossed around openly, magazines writing about integrating mild BDSM into your foreplay or bedroom antics, we are really really coming out of the shadow here with big steps.

It’s pretty hard to demonize something that you’ve tried yourself and possibly found really exciting. I remember reading my grannies gossip magazines, and there were those discrete ads for vibrators, pretty hilarious, women were holding them against their cheek or forehead and they were advertised as releasing tension and massaging away headaches… HA HA HA Well, that was before Viagra ;) Sex shops were hidden away in backstreets and as a child I really didn’t know why some shops had dark curtains on the shop windows (usually in backstreets around the station), asking mom or a relative who brought me to the paediatrician what’s in there (I was always an inquisitive gal), usually resulted in a sharp tug on the arm and a conversation about something completely else, often it involved getting an ice-cream cone! You bet that I learned pretty quick that stores with dark windows meant ice-cream and I became an expert at spotting them!

As a teenager, I finally twigged but thought they were more or less costume shops, the grown up equivalent for toga parties, but by then they were a lot less hidden and had actually some costumes in the shop windows, usually they looked like cheap carnival or Halloween costumes, very shiny… They actually had those boots from Pretty Woman in the shop window of a “speciality shoe shop” near Munich’s main station called “Exotic Heels”, the ones I lusted after ever since seeing the movie, I thought they would look really cool and Goth with my blue black hair and asymmetrical hairstyle, mom propelled me away ASAP…

A few years later I actually went into one of the “sex shops” with a friend, we had partied the night away (students, yay) and I confessed that I was never in one of them and my friend dragged me in. Actually it was a bit of a let down, I expected some sleaze and smut, but it looked so clinical, brightly lit and shiny, the lady behind the counter wore a white lab coat, was middle aged and had the typical frizzy mommy perm and asked if we are looking for toys, films or clothing. All very matter of fact and business like. I must have looked like a gold fish out of water, mouth opening and closing… It really was a bit of a let down, especially since the costumes that looked so marvellous, shiny, kinky and naughty, in the shop window (naughty nurse, cop, school teacher or girl, you got the idea) just seemed to be cheap plastic and polyester rubbish on closer inspection. Seriously, you could find a lot better stuff in any of the London Goth shops, cheaper and sexier too…

I think BDSM is going kinda the same way, I mean after my first experience with an “Adult Store” – the fear and slightly naughty feel about thinking of going into one of them was off. Some years later I actually bought a really good corset in one of those stores, not a cheap corselet, a proper steel boned corset, black silk outside and inside cotton. Cost me about as much as one of the cheap polyester ones would have cost me in a BDSM store.

It was around the time when I realized that a lot of the online shops actually charged more for fetish items than sex or BDSM stores, always being an enterprising nature, with a bunch of other students, we decided to make money from it. We went to thrift stores on a raid and bought everything that looked vaguely naughty dirt cheap and put it on eBay. Soon enough it actually paid a lot more than the student jobs we had (that was before they taxed and limited) and we found another niche – big sizes for cross dressers. We figured that anything people are embarrassed to be seen shopping will do well on the net and it really was worth our time and effort ;)

There were some hilariously funny incidents, like the guy buying the leather skirt for his friend, but asked how the female size translates to male size, err yeah… Then a rather large Laura Ashley dress, a left over from the 80’s, super frilly and we only bought it because for 15 (Euros or DM, not a clue anymore) with the tags still attached we thought we could run the risk. Add a Zero to the price and that is what we sold it for, prompt payment, we sent it off and a few days later we got a thank you mail with a picture attached… Bearded, heavily tattooed guy who looked like a trucker had poured himself into the dress, but in a way it was really cool how much he enjoyed it and for a while we were sort of pen friends, we were all girls and he had so many questions about makeup. It was really cool. I don’t think he was a TV, from the way he sounded, he just seemed to enjoy wearing feminine clothes. Made me wonder a bit why our society is so narrow minded. With our group and all being a little bit Goth leaning, a guy in a black kilt wasn’t something that shocked us, and from the guy in a kilt to a guy in a dress wanting to be feminine – not such a huge jump, really…

You know I’m still feeling a bit sad when I think about how many guys feel the need to hide it because it’s not considered “normal” behaviour. We girls got the liberty of wearing dresses, frills, or even men’s clothes (yeah, wearing a black T-shirt today that’s from the men’s department – most girlie T-shirts do have some stupid print or they’re cut a bit short and with hipsters, I don’t want to flash my ass crack about) and nobody bats an eye. Pretty fucked up that guys don’t have that liberty because some knuckle dragging ape will bully them.

I recall coming back a bit earlier one day and the boyfriend of that time wore my silk nighty, it was actually the top of an oversized silk PJ and I loved the feel of it Yeah it did give me a pause for a moment, but he was completely cool about it and mentioned how lovely it feels and it resulted in me going out and buying him some stuff and playing dress up with him. Funny, never liked playing with dolls, but when it comes to a bit of gender bending… We had a pretty good and adventurous sex life anyway and I still look back fondly (and try not to remember the fact that he was a cheating bastard with a wandering dick), it simply wasn’t such a big deal but just a bit of fun.

The way porn infiltrated the mainstream, I think BDSM is doing the same and it really is a great thing. Imagine you are drawn to something and you always feel the need to hide it or everybody will look at you in a weird way?

If people read and see more about it, and maybe experiment with it a bit themselves, no matter how mild, they won’t fear us as much, because let’s face it, we are a really tame bunch, yeah, some of the stuff might appear pretty violent, but hell, there is a lot of difference between whipping a willing participant and some wife beating thug or domestic violence.

I guess people start asking them selves if we are really that different, let’s face it, where do you draw the difference between vanilla and BDSM? Who hasn’t experimented a bit with tying somebody to the bed, maybe a blind fold, a bit of tease and denial, most couples who think BDSM is pretty horrible and freaky have done something along those lines, when they realize that we’re not all that different, maybe their attitude is going to relax and we are less the freak show.

And let me tell you, if shoe and foot fetishes would really be such a rare thing and belong exclusively in the realm of BDSM, then Jimmy Choo, Louboutin, Zanotti and all the rest wouldn't be quite so filthy rich and successful...

If it takes a poorly written book like 50 Shades to get them there, hey, I’m all for it! Bring on the cheesy novels, bring on the Domme Reality Shows shows and all the rest.

Btw that's the fabled corset...

Sorry for the bad blank out, but I don't have Photoshop (so I can't magivally lose 10 lbs) but I don't want to give my STALKER ammunition

Experiment Part I

After talking for months with a friend (male) about what happens to your inbox if you're female and on a BDSM site and showing him my RANT regarding how guys approach women, we laughed, but he thought I was exaggerating. We joked and I told him he could use some of my pics (most vanilla) and I just crop my head out, he should make himself a female profile. The first thing he said:

Dated:

8/1/12 8:04 PM

30 seconds in with no text on my profile - 9 views and 3 messages already!!!

You might guess that it got worse, about 12 hours in, 7 pages of dross when I checked the profile. Doesn't look like anybody reads profiles, of course a few who offer to be blackmail slaves and all that... I'm currently playing with one who claims to be a shopping slave, my guess is that he will disappear within minutes, if not of course I'll tell him, but my money is on him just trying to get his kicks talking about it.

I made a wishlist on Amazon, it's under a false address, so anybody buying anything there, it will be delivered back to Amazon and the person gets the money back, so nobody is going to be screwed out of money. Now when I made the wish list and gave it to the guy, he claimed he'd send something from it, oddly enough Amazon doesn't even seem to know it, I'm sure it must be a "hitch".

I'd also like to stress that nothing in the profile solicited presents or anything like that, it was the broadest of terms, and sounds a bit like a loon (no limit slave and such):

Looking for subs to use and abuse as I see fit. Have no limits and be on your knees when you approach...

I'm not interested in watching you on cam or do online games, that means you'd be wasting MY time. 

Tell me what you have to offer and why I should pick you, if you want my interest!

---

I best post what he had to say about it in his profile:

I've always wondered what Dommes on here have to go through. I always read on profiles how swomped they get with messages, pictures sent and no consideration given to the Lady in question. This has always been slightly hard to believe as I can say as what I consider to be a genuine sub on here for a number of years that I have had barely a handful of unsolicited messages from genuine subs, and I would never send a message without a degree of thought.

After talking about this with a friend on here we decided that I would set up a profile as a Domme and see first hand what you Lady's have to go through. Today is day one....

After setting up a blank profile I instantly had messages waiting and chat requests. I didn't even open any messages but still they came. Before long I had more views of my profile than I probably have on this profile in 6 months!

My friend has kindly supplied me with a handful of her own photos, entirely genuine and a variety of poses from one of her foot/leg to full face and body pics. I've drip fed the first 3 of these onto the profile starting with the least on show and working my way up, each addition giving a new surge in messages.

I started reading/opening messages which inspired a further surge messages as people asked why I hadn't responded.

Lastly I added a little text which did encourage a handful of messages from people who had read the text and did slightly tailor the text to suit what it said.

After being "a Domme" for approximately 4 hours I have already had 6 pages of messages!

I expect there will be some on here that will disagree with this experiment, however its something I wish I'd done sooner and would recommend any sub to experience. The overall feeling I have so far is of embarrasment on behlf of male subs. I know there is a degree of stereotyping as there are undoubtedly good ones out there but I now see how hard it is for us to stand out. I have however learnt so much from it that will improve me.

The experiment will continue and I will report what I learn here...

I doubt he will continue the experiment, because I am getting increasingly frequent feedback of "Ewww" and "I don't really understand why guys send those kinda pictures...

He's a very nice person and I really feel a bit sorry for him, but he was curious about it ;) From what I see and understand, he doesn't even log into the female profile anymore out of fear what he sees...