It's not Dungeon and Dragons, Sparky

Let me start this off with the disclaimer, that I am not having a rant at male dominants, there are some really great Doms out there, with some of them I'm friends, but some of them (and oddly enough a higher percentage than you find with women) are a few planks short of a full tree house.

On one of the boards where I sometimes look and occasionally participate, there is a guy who complains that in 22 years he hasn't found a slave and it's all down to fakes and he's discriminated because he's disabled.

Every sympathy for somebody who is disabled, definitely doesn't make it easier for him, but even if he was able bodied, what he's looking for is simply unrealistic.

The guy is gay (nothing wrong with it), has a preference for black men (again, we all have preferences and what we are attracted to), so far so good.

Only then he decides he doesn't want just one slave, he wants several of them, his own personal little harem and how he is living the Master/slave life-style not just in the bedroom, and that's where I want to shake him and have a reality check, and go "Sorry dear, but you are not really LIVING the life-style, you're dreaming it, big big difference!"

So, somebody without any experience is declaring himself an experienced Master and complains that slaves aren't lining up around the block. Well, what a surprise that is, really....

It gets better, he also has certain expectations of the jobs the slaves should have, nothing dramatic, really, just your run of the mill, not quite college drop out jobs:

• Programmers


• Database Designers


• CAD Designers


• Animators


• Illustrators


• Editors/proofreader/scriptwriters

Apart from handing over their salaries, using their job skills for him too, they also have to do household chores and gardening.

I read through his journal and I really understand why he needs a proofreader, it was hard going (btw nobody is "dominate" you can be dominant, one of my pet peeves), but it really looks like he is living in some weird fantasy land, some drivel about being the leader of a pack of wolves, with all his slaves (so far non-existant) being his 2nd line of defense.

I copy and paste part of the journal entry:


I  think the following passage about myself speaks for itself which is taken from a note I sent to an acquaintance recently.  I felt I had to share it here.

"As I build my company I want my project team to be a tight pack, but not constricted by creativity.  I want them to be passionate about what I want. Recently I had to do a paper on a leader as it relates to my college program (database management) and  what I wanted professionally. I wound up choosing Larry Ellison (Oracle fame) and found I hated him very much for his professionalism - or lack there of.  I never want to become this type of corporate owner.

YES I am dominate,

YES I know what I want,

YES I want a second line pack following behind me like a pack of defensive wolves,

BUT NO, I do not have to be a selfish pompous jerk about it."

That was actually some of the sanest drivel he put in there, it's nice to dream about a business empire, but if you're living of social security, maybe the first move would be to do something that makes you able to support yourself.
Yes, disability makes it harder, but the idea of finding a bunch of slaves who will all work for him for free, is not really based in reality, and so far it hasn't worked for him. And he does sound like a selfish, pompous jerk.

We all know what we want, I really want to win the damned lottery (maybe I should start playing then), I really want mansions all over the planet in all my fave cities, that private plane, the cosy little castle, my own private island (hello Mr Branson, how about Necker Island?), gosh, I guess I am not "dominate" enough for it, because in the meantime, I'm still working, because the damned mortgage for the house needs to be paid off.

Oh well, a great deal of people aren't too well adjusted or don't play with a full deck of cards, I guess it's really unrealistic to expect everybody who's into BDSM to be in touch with reality...


Btw a pretty good example of how it can be different is this erotic photo blog, it shows how BDSM can be a loving relationship and that not all Doms are a bit "mentally challenged":

Downright Debauchery

Gender bending, CDs, TVs and a bit of help....

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Thought I make this a bit fun for everybody and just throw in the odd useful advise...

CDs and TVs (cross dressers and transvestites) often need a bit of help, a lot of people claim that they’re not really BDSM and all of that, to be honest, I never cared much about labels and what is “twue and weal” BDSM, if they find themselves at home under the umbrella of BDSM, it’s alright for me. In case somebody minds them a lot, just don’t read and look away, they aren’t going to push themselves at you, OK!

So a couple of my friends do enjoy a bit of gender bending, which is actually a lot of fun (yeah, doesn’t really work for me, I could only camouflage as a 3 headed alien) and it’s pretty hard for them to find somebody who’s into it, a lot of them rely on pro-dommes, but most pro-dommes don’t really have the kind of wardrobe to fit each and every size of guy and make him look feminine. It might be an idea to get your own clothes.

Yes, I hear you, it’s difficult and you’re embarrassed going into a shop, I get that, but you know, there’s a lot of stuff you can do, there’s the internet, you can go to thrift stores and charity shops and claim you need to find something for a fancy dress party.

There are a ton of websites out there who will do the size conversion for you, this one is for the US:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/size_chart.htm

So you find out the right size for you and you go online, but you should really make sure that the material is stretchy, at least until you get an idea of your size and what will suit you and fit you. Often there is quite a bit of difference between different brands and how they cut the clothes, so stretchy with elastic waists is really not the worst idea for your “starter kit”.

Don’t really go overboard, have a look at yourself and be realistic, in short if you’re built like the proverbial brick shit house, maybe you want to look like a high glam pin-up, but it’s not going to work. Go with something that works for you and that’s realistic, unless of course you want to end up looking like you escaped straight out of a carry on comedy.

One thing you’ll need is a good wig (again, if you’re afraid to go into shops, ebay or other online shops, they don’t give a damn if you’re a man or a woman) you might want to be the blonde or brunette bombshell with hair all down your back, but don’t fall into that trap, you want to look feminine and not like a grotesque parody of a female. Most of the super long wigs just don’t look right, unless you’re going for something super expensive. Shoulder long hair will look a lot better and more realistic, it’s a lot easier to look after, won’t look quite as ratty…

The same for shoes, don’t go sky high, go for a medium height shoe and learn to walk in them, there is nothing worse than somebody who can’t walk in high heels, you do look a lot better in a smaller heel when you don’t fall over, because breaking an arm or a nose won’t exactly make you look very feminine.

As for the sizes, there is a difference in size, a female size 9 would be a male 7 to 7 ½  and if you’re going for a heel, then you possibly will need to take that into consideration as well. So when shopping online and you’re in doubt, rather go for the half a size bigger than you thought originally, if needed put in an inlay, your feet will thank you, and stay away from peep toes, unless you have very dainty, feminine toes and very well pedicured feet. Peep toes are also often a lot more uncomfy and cut into your toes.

There are a lot of other things, I think I might do a little series of blog entries, because for a lot of guys the whole “getting ready” and the transformation is just as exiting as finally being feminized. At 200 to 300 per hour, that can be seriously expensive, so having your own gear and knowing about getting ready can get you a lot more play time, than if you need the domme around to get you ready, dress you up and all that!

I have to bug a friend of mine who’s a make-up artist if she’d write me a little bit about that, to give you a bunch of brands that are good and some hints how to remove all your make-up completely.

So I guess part 2 and 3 will be coming soon…

I needed to add something because by chance I found some good wig shops in the UK, maybe too far away for you and all that, but the styles should give you ideas...

http://www.repartee.tv/sales.php 

http://www.celebwigs.com/human-hair-lace-wigs/

The human hair wigs are actually fantastic quality.... I'm thinking of getting one myself in case I want to change my style a bit...

Dommes, clients, friendship...

A comment made me realize that maybe my blog makes guys feel uneasy, well, to be honest, I did warn you right at the beginning that you wouldn’t like it and that I’d bust some myths…

Actually the blog is nothing against clients, if I’m honest, the majority of clients was fine and a delight. As crazy as it sounds, I met life-long friends through sessions, people I’m still in touch with and I still spend time with. Not on a D/s basis, but simply as friends. People I can call up if I want to talk about something completely unrelated, I can use them as sounding boards and they usually give me good advise – and of course they can call me anytime and frequently do. We’re simply friends, like lots of other people, a sexual orientation is just that, doesn’t really change your personality

Some of the smartest and most open minded people I’ve ever met are into BDSM, be they masochists, fetishists or submissives. What apart from the fact that they’re into BDSM and we share a common interest, makes them friends? Pretty simple, that’s not the only interest we share, and there is chemistry. A common interest in BDSM is not enough, come on, how many people share a hobby with you but that’s the only thing you have in common, doesn’t automatically qualify them as friends.

Friendships happen in a lot of different places, but they require work from both sides. I made friends in the weirdest places, once at the dentist, seriously, a guy who was even more scared than me and I tried to calm him down. He waited until I was finished and asked me if he could buy me a drink as a thank you. He didn’t try to pick me up, he was just nice, and trust me, women have a radar for that.

In case you don’t strike up a friendship with your domme, don’t be disappointed, there can be a lot of reasons for that. For one, you guys are the ones who always want their privacy respected, you head off home and that’s it for us, let’s face it, most of you guys aren’t at liberty to strike up a friendship because you’re in a relationship already.

For a lot of dommes it’s simply self-preservation to keep their distance, you guys often wander on to the next domme, we don’t even hear what has happened to you. Then some guys just freak out and become stalkers, endangering our private lives and often our work situation. Place yourself in our shoes, what on earth would you do?

The best thing you can do is enjoy a session for what it is and then back to real life, in case you get on with your domme and a friendship develops, great, enjoy, if not, don’t sweat it, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you or that you’re a bad person, it just means that she has a life outside of domming and you don’t fit into that life and she wants to keep her normal life separate from her BDSM life. Pretty much like the majority of clients do.

So guys, don’t feel bad about being clients, you go and see a pro domme to get an urge scratched, that’s a hell lot better than pretending that you don’t have the urge and being miserable and lashing out to everybody who does (a bit like the closet queers are the biggest gay bashers). Just do a reality check from time to time. Keep pro domination where it belongs to, in the dungeon. Trust me, everybody is much happier this way.

I’m not claiming that I know it all, I can only tell you what worked for me, and outside of the dungeon was outside of the dungeon. The friends I made were just that outside of the BDSM environment, friends, people I sat down with, went for a drink with, discussed problems and all that. It’s a give and take, it doesn’t work with everybody, if it works, enjoy, if not, trying to force it is definitely not going to work!

Mainstream BDSM

I’m kind of backing off a bit in regards to 50 Shades, don’t get me wrong, there is still no literary merit in the book, the writing is seriously awful (why couldn’t they afford a good editor?), but I am realizing that it does change the perception of people in regards to BDSM.

Seeing women reading it openly everywhere, guys benefitting from the wet panties of their spouses, couples experimenting with mild BDSM in the bedroom, the idea of a Domme Reality Show being tossed around openly, magazines writing about integrating mild BDSM into your foreplay or bedroom antics, we are really really coming out of the shadow here with big steps.

It’s pretty hard to demonize something that you’ve tried yourself and possibly found really exciting. I remember reading my grannies gossip magazines, and there were those discrete ads for vibrators, pretty hilarious, women were holding them against their cheek or forehead and they were advertised as releasing tension and massaging away headaches… HA HA HA Well, that was before Viagra ;) Sex shops were hidden away in backstreets and as a child I really didn’t know why some shops had dark curtains on the shop windows (usually in backstreets around the station), asking mom or a relative who brought me to the paediatrician what’s in there (I was always an inquisitive gal), usually resulted in a sharp tug on the arm and a conversation about something completely else, often it involved getting an ice-cream cone! You bet that I learned pretty quick that stores with dark windows meant ice-cream and I became an expert at spotting them!

As a teenager, I finally twigged but thought they were more or less costume shops, the grown up equivalent for toga parties, but by then they were a lot less hidden and had actually some costumes in the shop windows, usually they looked like cheap carnival or Halloween costumes, very shiny… They actually had those boots from Pretty Woman in the shop window of a “speciality shoe shop” near Munich’s main station called “Exotic Heels”, the ones I lusted after ever since seeing the movie, I thought they would look really cool and Goth with my blue black hair and asymmetrical hairstyle, mom propelled me away ASAP…

A few years later I actually went into one of the “sex shops” with a friend, we had partied the night away (students, yay) and I confessed that I was never in one of them and my friend dragged me in. Actually it was a bit of a let down, I expected some sleaze and smut, but it looked so clinical, brightly lit and shiny, the lady behind the counter wore a white lab coat, was middle aged and had the typical frizzy mommy perm and asked if we are looking for toys, films or clothing. All very matter of fact and business like. I must have looked like a gold fish out of water, mouth opening and closing… It really was a bit of a let down, especially since the costumes that looked so marvellous, shiny, kinky and naughty, in the shop window (naughty nurse, cop, school teacher or girl, you got the idea) just seemed to be cheap plastic and polyester rubbish on closer inspection. Seriously, you could find a lot better stuff in any of the London Goth shops, cheaper and sexier too…

I think BDSM is going kinda the same way, I mean after my first experience with an “Adult Store” – the fear and slightly naughty feel about thinking of going into one of them was off. Some years later I actually bought a really good corset in one of those stores, not a cheap corselet, a proper steel boned corset, black silk outside and inside cotton. Cost me about as much as one of the cheap polyester ones would have cost me in a BDSM store.

It was around the time when I realized that a lot of the online shops actually charged more for fetish items than sex or BDSM stores, always being an enterprising nature, with a bunch of other students, we decided to make money from it. We went to thrift stores on a raid and bought everything that looked vaguely naughty dirt cheap and put it on eBay. Soon enough it actually paid a lot more than the student jobs we had (that was before they taxed and limited) and we found another niche – big sizes for cross dressers. We figured that anything people are embarrassed to be seen shopping will do well on the net and it really was worth our time and effort ;)

There were some hilariously funny incidents, like the guy buying the leather skirt for his friend, but asked how the female size translates to male size, err yeah… Then a rather large Laura Ashley dress, a left over from the 80’s, super frilly and we only bought it because for 15 (Euros or DM, not a clue anymore) with the tags still attached we thought we could run the risk. Add a Zero to the price and that is what we sold it for, prompt payment, we sent it off and a few days later we got a thank you mail with a picture attached… Bearded, heavily tattooed guy who looked like a trucker had poured himself into the dress, but in a way it was really cool how much he enjoyed it and for a while we were sort of pen friends, we were all girls and he had so many questions about makeup. It was really cool. I don’t think he was a TV, from the way he sounded, he just seemed to enjoy wearing feminine clothes. Made me wonder a bit why our society is so narrow minded. With our group and all being a little bit Goth leaning, a guy in a black kilt wasn’t something that shocked us, and from the guy in a kilt to a guy in a dress wanting to be feminine – not such a huge jump, really…

You know I’m still feeling a bit sad when I think about how many guys feel the need to hide it because it’s not considered “normal” behaviour. We girls got the liberty of wearing dresses, frills, or even men’s clothes (yeah, wearing a black T-shirt today that’s from the men’s department – most girlie T-shirts do have some stupid print or they’re cut a bit short and with hipsters, I don’t want to flash my ass crack about) and nobody bats an eye. Pretty fucked up that guys don’t have that liberty because some knuckle dragging ape will bully them.

I recall coming back a bit earlier one day and the boyfriend of that time wore my silk nighty, it was actually the top of an oversized silk PJ and I loved the feel of it Yeah it did give me a pause for a moment, but he was completely cool about it and mentioned how lovely it feels and it resulted in me going out and buying him some stuff and playing dress up with him. Funny, never liked playing with dolls, but when it comes to a bit of gender bending… We had a pretty good and adventurous sex life anyway and I still look back fondly (and try not to remember the fact that he was a cheating bastard with a wandering dick), it simply wasn’t such a big deal but just a bit of fun.

The way porn infiltrated the mainstream, I think BDSM is doing the same and it really is a great thing. Imagine you are drawn to something and you always feel the need to hide it or everybody will look at you in a weird way?

If people read and see more about it, and maybe experiment with it a bit themselves, no matter how mild, they won’t fear us as much, because let’s face it, we are a really tame bunch, yeah, some of the stuff might appear pretty violent, but hell, there is a lot of difference between whipping a willing participant and some wife beating thug or domestic violence.

I guess people start asking them selves if we are really that different, let’s face it, where do you draw the difference between vanilla and BDSM? Who hasn’t experimented a bit with tying somebody to the bed, maybe a blind fold, a bit of tease and denial, most couples who think BDSM is pretty horrible and freaky have done something along those lines, when they realize that we’re not all that different, maybe their attitude is going to relax and we are less the freak show.

And let me tell you, if shoe and foot fetishes would really be such a rare thing and belong exclusively in the realm of BDSM, then Jimmy Choo, Louboutin, Zanotti and all the rest wouldn't be quite so filthy rich and successful...

If it takes a poorly written book like 50 Shades to get them there, hey, I’m all for it! Bring on the cheesy novels, bring on the Domme Reality Shows shows and all the rest.

Btw that's the fabled corset...

Sorry for the bad blank out, but I don't have Photoshop (so I can't magivally lose 10 lbs) but I don't want to give my STALKER ammunition

You're still thinking about it?

Oh right, yes, you think you will become the rising star and your life will be easy because there are subbies who do all the menial tasks for you. Get real! First of all, chances are that you are going to work in a dungeon to learn the ropes, most dungeons don't like to have non-paying slaves hanging around, it's bad for business and it also does create some friction, then there is the issue of space....

95% of those slaves don't do it because they are truly service oriented subs or slaves, stop kidding yourself, they do it because they want something out of it, it has little to do with your charming personality. Oh and please, no, you are not a born domme, you weren't born wielding whips, you got to learn the skills like everybody else. Your natural dominance is fine, but switch it off if somebody is trying to teach you something, the guys who'll see you and pay for it, they are paying for a service (you can turn it any way you like it, that's what it is), so you better be skilled and able to act, because while they want what they want, they also expect you to act as if that was exactly what you've been dreaming about all day long...


Sorry guys, I warned you yesterday, you don't want to read this, but the bitter truth is that not everybody enjoys every session. To let you into an even bigger secret, I am a sadist, I really am, but there were sessions that involved a lot of corporal that left me a bit cold and bored.

OK, girls, back to your devoted slaves, first of all if they want to clean your house dressed up, forget about it. First of all why let a stranger into your house? If things turn sour, you really don't want him to know where you live (and some weirdo informing your neighbors and landlord...). Then if he does want to do it in a sissy outfit, you do know how things are going to pan out?

It will take ages for him to get ready and put his "uniform" on, then you have to admire him, possibly fix his makeup and lace him into a corset. So you basically just spent 30 minutes giving him a free session. Girl you've worn a corset, they look great and I love how they feel, but it's not really what anybody in their right frame of mind would wear for cleaning, same goes for high heels.
So basically you have some guy dressed up in your house, tottering around in high heels and a corset, he can't bend down so floors are out. If you're like me, you have a certain way you want things done, so you got to teach him. At that point he possibly will lose interest, I mean you expect him to really clean? He realizes cleaning isn't quite as exciting as it was in his mind, so he wants you to watch him clean. Honestly, if I have to watch somebody clean, I rather do it myself because then I at least know it's done right.

Of course you won't believe me, so I guess you'll learn the hard way, stuff is going to get missing, you spent ages showing how somebody to clean, you watch somebody clean until you're fed up, and of course they guy will think he has done such an outstanding job (even if he just smeared the dirt over the floor instead of cleaning) that he deserves a "reward". So you end up wasting a lot of time, in the end you'll clean yourself, but the guy got a free session and his jollies off. You don't want to see him again? Guess what, he's going to rubbish you all over the internet and your commercial domming is taking a hit. Oh and of course everybody will know where you live, how you live... Gossip, gossip...

Honestly, keep most of your private business to yourself, if you don't want it to be discussed in every dungeon in town. Guys like to brag...

Work calls, I think this will have a few more entries a bit later... I doubt the wisdom of this a bit, I don't think a lot of people will read this anyway, and sod it, it's therapeutic for me, I'm just thinking if an aspiring domme reads it, she's possibly going to ignore it because I am an idiot and she knows better. Guys possibly really don't want to hear about it, the occasional reader stumbling across this thinks we're all a bit fucked up anyway... However it's fun writing.

Truth to be told, I have met the odd sub who's a service sub and excellent at what they do, but they're the proverbial needle in the haystack and most dommes will snatch them up ASAP!

What on earth are you thinking?

HMP's comment got me thinking (and it was so exciting to get a comment, almost like the first reader's letter, I feel young again...)

What he said was:

I have come to realize that pro domination is an extremely difficult and competitive profession. All the adorable young ladies out there in search of "easy money" are in for a rude awakening. My advice to them is "don't quit your day job."

I can't agree more, unless you're a straight 10 (and yes, I really do mean model gorgeous and in that case modelling is a much more lucrative option), chances are that you will have to work for quite a while until you get regular sessions (i.e. a dependable income). A couple of years ago (before the economy tanked) guys were eager to session with a new domme, now money is a bit tight and they want to be sure to get a good session, so they will look if you stick around before they book and what others have to say about you. So a bunch of cameos and you most likely won't get paid for them just so they see you, in case another domme is nice enough to get you into her session. The economy is quite tight and more than a few will be worried about introducing you to their clients - because your gain would be their loss. In the better dungeons the staff is encouraged to not have this competitive attitude and it makes a lot of sense.

• It creates a really bad work climate
• Clients pick up on that and are less likely to come for sessions
• The bad work climate makes being stuck together quite horrible, waiting for clients (yup, this is what you will be doing for most of the time, better bring some books or knitting with you) in such an atmosphere leads to fights and staff leaving...
• Rather than losing a client to another house, keep them at the same dungeon and let them "slut" around there, guys are horndogs and most clients will session with several different dommes, if they get the feeling that you disapprove and they have to hide it, it reminds them of being married. If they stay in the same house, they will do their rounds there and most likely will come back to you. They also might sing the praise of that house, which will result in more clients.
• If you are working in a friendly environment, you really learn much more and instead of letting you run into an open knife, the other women will cover for you, teach you and assist you.
• They will work with you and warn you of bad clients or will tell you about the particular quirks of a client they have seen before - so don't try to poach their clients, be fair and things are much better and more lucrative for everybody involved.

Think about it this way, if you're going to a restaurant, you want to have your dinner in a pleasant atmosphere and not where there is tension in the air...

Some other stuff you will have to consider is the start up costs, you will need fetish clothes (not cheap) but go for quality and not the cheapest outfit you can get away with. There are a lot of things you can do with a corset and a leather skirt and a pair of thigh high boots, if you buy cheap stuff, I guarantee you it's going to rip or lose shape ASAP and you have to buy again. Get a steel boned corset of decent quality, you're better off with an underbust corset, more versatile and the fit can be adjusted, with an overbust corset, doesn't happen. An underbust corset of decent quality you can order online but it still will be about 100, give or take 10 or 20, if it's too cheap to be true, it's not going to last very long, the hooks will be of bad quality and get wedged, the eyelets will come off, etc. It's a waste of money. A real leather skirt, depending on quality, you might find 2nd hand or on eBay (better make sure it's real leather) for maybe 20, boot you might have a pair at home already, but you will want a pair that has a BDSM look, you can get some in goth shops, but I'd advise you to go for the stiletto heel, good quality leather (they really have to fit well, nothing looks worse than boots that are far too wide and you're flopping around in them, or boots that are so tight that your thighs have love-handles, book 300 for halfway decent quality...
You can combine it with a black bra, a hot black bodystocking, a transparent blouse, etc while you get the money together for a leather top and more items.

I always told newbies to buy stuff they like themselves and would wear or could combine with normal clothes, so it wouldn't hurt so much if their career in BDSM wouldn't take off. It certainly does help a lot if you actually like BDSM. It makes learning easier and the clothes won't just be an expense but something you really enjoy.

So you got the basics covered and you're already out of pocket, don't expect to make a fortune or the rent the first few weeks, have another job, even if you're just washing dishes or waiting tables, a secure income helps to take the stress off, it also helps to keep you grounded and in the real world. With a few exceptions over the years (the longest might have been 6 weeks when I had to cover for the head mistress) domming was never my main income. It has another practical aspect, you are never pressured to accept sessions you really really don't want to do because you need the money. I don't mean sessions you simply don't like, I mean stuff that really disgusts you or goes against your personal boundaries. I don't think I need to paint a picture...

For the first couple of months and maybe a year, you will have to invest in more and more fetish clothes and toys. The dungeon might have most of them, but there's a difference between using your own whip, the one you're used to and the ones that are in the dungeon. The same with other stuff, you clean them yourself and all that, you'll be much more comfortable using them. Don't go over board and blow all your money on a ridiculously expensive fetish item, keep in mind you need something you can combine with a lot of other stuff and create a lot of different looks. The guys don't want to see you in the same thing over and over again, they come to see you for a break from reality, don't kid yourself, don't buy into their BS of everlasting devotion, it's a fantasy, it is the adult industry, best look like you stepped out of their fantasy. And while a lot of them will swear they really care for you as a person and want to know all about you, don't be too open... Think stalker, they don't tend to announce themselves, think that you might have to drop the guy as a client because he will want more than domination, not everybody plays with a full deck of cards, some of the guys might go a bit nuts. Unless you want your family and all of your neighbors knowing what you do (it might be a cool idea and you'll feel like a rebel, but if you want a career outside of BDSM, not such a great idea), be careful...

Got a lot more to say about this, if I don't get distracted maybe tomorrow, but for now I want to watch a movie with hubby...

All hope abandon ye who enter here

Now that I figured out the background (still looks pretty awful and embarrassingly long to fiddle around with it) and I am still in rant mode (have I mentioned how therapeutic it is to get that stuff off my chest?), a few home truth about the glamorous life of pro-dommes.


You want to keep your illusions, well then don't enter through the gates of hell here, because it might be Dante's Inferno.

OK, I'm the first one to admit that they typical - well stereotypical - domme does exist, we all met them, they're fucked up, be it on drugs or whatever else or just with their heads so far up their own anuses that they almost disappear (unfortunately that only makes them louder), dumber than a garden tool and all that,  but seriously, the majority of us really isn't like that.

I'm not claiming every domme is a rocket scientist but there is a rather large percentage of us who actually have a fairly good education and another career. We might be attracted to BDSM and it's various activities, and yes, also to the money. Think about it, you have a skill that's very sought after, you invested a lot of time and money in your skills and your tools, say you're a great guitarist, of course you may want to play at friend's parties for free, but if strangers would offer you quite a bit of money to play at their parties and events, wouldn't you charge? Wouldn't you like your skills, the amount of time and money you invested into learning them being appropriately reflected in that payment? Not to mention the costs for you to take that gig (guitar strings, wear and tear on your guitar, petrol money, time...)?
Or you are working for your boss for free and you pay your rent out of a trust fund?

The old chestnut of dommes charging too much is just so fucking ridiculous. We don't actually have to get into how much it costs, you don't believe me? Rent, advertising, outfits, toys, cleaning material...

If you want to have the super cheap session, look for the usual suspect in a city, a house with a lot of very young dommes, most will have no or only basic equipment and fetish gear, a good indicator is if they pose on the webpage only in underwear. You might not have the best session, but then again,  you possibly also spent less than the going market rate. Or if you feel really adventurous, Craigs List, Backpage, a bit of a gamble...

Apart from the costs, you also have a lot of dangers. The ever popular stalker, stalkers are drawn to dommes like moths to the light. I don't know why guys become so obsessed, and oddly enough not just submissives or kinksters, regular guys can get really obsessed with them too. I never really figured out why. There are several reasons that I think are distinct possibilities, yet none of them makes sense to a rational mind. But I guess to be a stalker the absence of a rational mind is a prerequisite...
It's kind of scary that I really don't know a single domme who never had to deal with a stalker, most don't talk about it, it's not glam, it's bad for business, clients don't want to hear about it, and you know if you do talk about it openly, often copy cats are encouraged. Sadly enough most stalkers have seriously criminal energy and know exactly how to avoid being caught. They can be the most uneducated hicks, when it comes to that, they're effing marvels.
Another problem in the domme world is that nobody wants to get involved, some fear about their business (thinking that they can handle the guy and the other woman was just not domme enough and more such BS), others might be afraid that they will attract the attentions of a stalker if they help the victim. Unfortunately there is a lot of backstabbing in the domme world, that's so stupid, I mean nobody is going to get more business if they get another person out of the way, doesn't work. It really doesn't, all it does is making everybody weaker. So yes dommes, if you are warned about a stalker or a bad client, it's your call to ignore it or not, but do not rat the person out who's trying to help you because you want to take care of the competition. It's really that simple...

And on that happy note (no, my rant is far from finished) I'm off to do some mundane house cleaning as I am expecting a guest tomorrow... I told you, you'd be disappointed...