Shoes......

Not a serious post, just wore Wellington boots all day long (yeah, long 6 hour walk with the dogs through the rain - result, dogs are tired and I have a blood blister) and then polished a few of my shoes and realized that I do have a lot of shoes...

I started thinking shoes and Fashion District in LA and remembered some shoe shops there, not always the greatest quality of shoes but some pretty sexy shoes. I do have the suspicion that some of the guys might like shoes too, especially the ones with high heels and well, here are a few pics ;)

It's a really tiny shoe shop in a side alley, called Lola's Shoetique a really busy small place, but with nice people. I don't know how long the shoes will last, I didn't buy any, but I simply liked the variety and there are just tons of heels of every variety. I'm actually playing with the idea to order some... But then again, better not, walking the dog is not exactly something you do in high heels, especially not dogs the size of mine...

I usually prefer my shoes a bit classier, but they do look like fun shoes and are actually really cheap, oh well, at least they are fun to look at, and they have also tons of pics on their FB site https://www.facebook.com/lolashoetique/photos

I had far too many serious posts, so I guess it was time for something fun ;)

Mainstream BDSM

I’m kind of backing off a bit in regards to 50 Shades, don’t get me wrong, there is still no literary merit in the book, the writing is seriously awful (why couldn’t they afford a good editor?), but I am realizing that it does change the perception of people in regards to BDSM.

Seeing women reading it openly everywhere, guys benefitting from the wet panties of their spouses, couples experimenting with mild BDSM in the bedroom, the idea of a Domme Reality Show being tossed around openly, magazines writing about integrating mild BDSM into your foreplay or bedroom antics, we are really really coming out of the shadow here with big steps.

It’s pretty hard to demonize something that you’ve tried yourself and possibly found really exciting. I remember reading my grannies gossip magazines, and there were those discrete ads for vibrators, pretty hilarious, women were holding them against their cheek or forehead and they were advertised as releasing tension and massaging away headaches… HA HA HA Well, that was before Viagra ;) Sex shops were hidden away in backstreets and as a child I really didn’t know why some shops had dark curtains on the shop windows (usually in backstreets around the station), asking mom or a relative who brought me to the paediatrician what’s in there (I was always an inquisitive gal), usually resulted in a sharp tug on the arm and a conversation about something completely else, often it involved getting an ice-cream cone! You bet that I learned pretty quick that stores with dark windows meant ice-cream and I became an expert at spotting them!

As a teenager, I finally twigged but thought they were more or less costume shops, the grown up equivalent for toga parties, but by then they were a lot less hidden and had actually some costumes in the shop windows, usually they looked like cheap carnival or Halloween costumes, very shiny… They actually had those boots from Pretty Woman in the shop window of a “speciality shoe shop” near Munich’s main station called “Exotic Heels”, the ones I lusted after ever since seeing the movie, I thought they would look really cool and Goth with my blue black hair and asymmetrical hairstyle, mom propelled me away ASAP…

A few years later I actually went into one of the “sex shops” with a friend, we had partied the night away (students, yay) and I confessed that I was never in one of them and my friend dragged me in. Actually it was a bit of a let down, I expected some sleaze and smut, but it looked so clinical, brightly lit and shiny, the lady behind the counter wore a white lab coat, was middle aged and had the typical frizzy mommy perm and asked if we are looking for toys, films or clothing. All very matter of fact and business like. I must have looked like a gold fish out of water, mouth opening and closing… It really was a bit of a let down, especially since the costumes that looked so marvellous, shiny, kinky and naughty, in the shop window (naughty nurse, cop, school teacher or girl, you got the idea) just seemed to be cheap plastic and polyester rubbish on closer inspection. Seriously, you could find a lot better stuff in any of the London Goth shops, cheaper and sexier too…

I think BDSM is going kinda the same way, I mean after my first experience with an “Adult Store” – the fear and slightly naughty feel about thinking of going into one of them was off. Some years later I actually bought a really good corset in one of those stores, not a cheap corselet, a proper steel boned corset, black silk outside and inside cotton. Cost me about as much as one of the cheap polyester ones would have cost me in a BDSM store.

It was around the time when I realized that a lot of the online shops actually charged more for fetish items than sex or BDSM stores, always being an enterprising nature, with a bunch of other students, we decided to make money from it. We went to thrift stores on a raid and bought everything that looked vaguely naughty dirt cheap and put it on eBay. Soon enough it actually paid a lot more than the student jobs we had (that was before they taxed and limited) and we found another niche – big sizes for cross dressers. We figured that anything people are embarrassed to be seen shopping will do well on the net and it really was worth our time and effort ;)

There were some hilariously funny incidents, like the guy buying the leather skirt for his friend, but asked how the female size translates to male size, err yeah… Then a rather large Laura Ashley dress, a left over from the 80’s, super frilly and we only bought it because for 15 (Euros or DM, not a clue anymore) with the tags still attached we thought we could run the risk. Add a Zero to the price and that is what we sold it for, prompt payment, we sent it off and a few days later we got a thank you mail with a picture attached… Bearded, heavily tattooed guy who looked like a trucker had poured himself into the dress, but in a way it was really cool how much he enjoyed it and for a while we were sort of pen friends, we were all girls and he had so many questions about makeup. It was really cool. I don’t think he was a TV, from the way he sounded, he just seemed to enjoy wearing feminine clothes. Made me wonder a bit why our society is so narrow minded. With our group and all being a little bit Goth leaning, a guy in a black kilt wasn’t something that shocked us, and from the guy in a kilt to a guy in a dress wanting to be feminine – not such a huge jump, really…

You know I’m still feeling a bit sad when I think about how many guys feel the need to hide it because it’s not considered “normal” behaviour. We girls got the liberty of wearing dresses, frills, or even men’s clothes (yeah, wearing a black T-shirt today that’s from the men’s department – most girlie T-shirts do have some stupid print or they’re cut a bit short and with hipsters, I don’t want to flash my ass crack about) and nobody bats an eye. Pretty fucked up that guys don’t have that liberty because some knuckle dragging ape will bully them.

I recall coming back a bit earlier one day and the boyfriend of that time wore my silk nighty, it was actually the top of an oversized silk PJ and I loved the feel of it Yeah it did give me a pause for a moment, but he was completely cool about it and mentioned how lovely it feels and it resulted in me going out and buying him some stuff and playing dress up with him. Funny, never liked playing with dolls, but when it comes to a bit of gender bending… We had a pretty good and adventurous sex life anyway and I still look back fondly (and try not to remember the fact that he was a cheating bastard with a wandering dick), it simply wasn’t such a big deal but just a bit of fun.

The way porn infiltrated the mainstream, I think BDSM is doing the same and it really is a great thing. Imagine you are drawn to something and you always feel the need to hide it or everybody will look at you in a weird way?

If people read and see more about it, and maybe experiment with it a bit themselves, no matter how mild, they won’t fear us as much, because let’s face it, we are a really tame bunch, yeah, some of the stuff might appear pretty violent, but hell, there is a lot of difference between whipping a willing participant and some wife beating thug or domestic violence.

I guess people start asking them selves if we are really that different, let’s face it, where do you draw the difference between vanilla and BDSM? Who hasn’t experimented a bit with tying somebody to the bed, maybe a blind fold, a bit of tease and denial, most couples who think BDSM is pretty horrible and freaky have done something along those lines, when they realize that we’re not all that different, maybe their attitude is going to relax and we are less the freak show.

And let me tell you, if shoe and foot fetishes would really be such a rare thing and belong exclusively in the realm of BDSM, then Jimmy Choo, Louboutin, Zanotti and all the rest wouldn't be quite so filthy rich and successful...

If it takes a poorly written book like 50 Shades to get them there, hey, I’m all for it! Bring on the cheesy novels, bring on the Domme Reality Shows shows and all the rest.

Btw that's the fabled corset...

Sorry for the bad blank out, but I don't have Photoshop (so I can't magivally lose 10 lbs) but I don't want to give my STALKER ammunition

What do you really want?

Spoiler alert: If you're a foot fetishist, you may want to skip this or have your dreams shattered!

I really don't know why I've been thinking about this a lot all of a sudden, but when I was active as a pro domme, the most annoying clients weren't the ones that wanted stuff I wasn't prepared to offer, you could easily get rid of them by recommending somebody who'd be more willing to engage on that level of "physical intimacy", the truly annoying ones were the ones who thought you had to be a mind reader.

Honestly, hardly anything worse than a guy who comes for a paid session without giving you a hint what he is looking for. The "Whatever Mistress wants" made me want to climb up the walls, give me SOMETHING to work with. No, it's not the problem of coming up with ideas, but those are typically the guys who come into a session with a fixed idea or fantasy how the session should be with a "truly dominant woman" but to give a hint would ruin their fantasy, GREAT!
Basically what they want you to do then is read their minds and make it come true, because most of the times their fantasies are so elaborate, you can't really guess them.

If it is about what I really want, then in about 80% of all cases, I really want to give you a single tailing or a caning until my arm hurts, and then I want a foot massage. And I mean a foot massage, not somebody dribbling on my toes and claiming it's foot worship. Seriously, a wet sloppy tongue on my tootsies does nothing for me, all pro dommes endure it because well, how do I put it delicately? You are clients, you pay for it. If I have to give instructions all the way on how to do it properly and you still go on slobbering, it's a bit hard to show enjoyment. Put it down to the fact that as a pro domme you do have to be part actress and since you pay, we don't really want to lose you as a client.

You want her to enjoy the foot massage and you are really doing it for her? Great then check out this link, she will thank you, I mean really thank you:

http://www.wikihow.com/Give-a-Foot-Massage

In case you haven't figured it out, those high heels look marvellous and yes we do love wearing them, but they aren't the most comfortable of shoes, so a good foot massage is always appreciated.

Now in case you are just a foot fetishist and you get off on licking toes, fine, but don't call it a service, don't call yourself a submissive, call yourself a fetishist and a pro domme will supply your fetish, no big deal, but please please spare us the rubbish about how you are doing it for us. Nothing wrong with doing things that get you off, but please stop chewing my ear off how good you are at it and how you are all doing it for my enjoyment.

Oh and if you book a session and you want it a certain way, TELL US, don't give us that bloody hogwash about "Whatever Mistress wants" because chances are that what mistress wants isn't really what you want, and you're then on every fucking internet board complaining that it wasn't your dream session! You wouldn't go into a restaurant wanting a fillet Mignon and tell the waiter "Whatever you want to serve me" and then have a little hissy fit because it's not your favorite dish.

In case you want to be forced, trust me, we're down with that and no worries, we're not going to be shocked, but maybe you shouldn't safeword out when reality hurts a bit more than your fantasy, and then later complain that we didn't push you enough.

Another thing, don't claim experience you don't have. One of my most vivid memories is the guy who claimed to have so much experience when it comes to whippings, he wanted marks, blood, I had to argue about a warm up, he told me he doesn't need one but "indulged" me - thank fuck for that! During the warm up, bare hands and super soft flogger he screamed the place down. Turned out his experience was watching clips and he didn't think it would hurt that much... Yeah, no comment...