Sadly enough you encounter trolls about everywhere on the net, but it seems on BDSM boards seem to be a bit worse than anywhere else.
Lately MF has had a huge influx of trolls, just one guy really, maybe with another idiot riding the coat tails, but a number of names.
Usually it's easy to ignore them, but this time a domme was targeted in the worst way possible, having been on the receiving end of such a little campaign by some deranged stalker, I had a fair idea how alone and horrible she felt through this, it's honestly not pleasant and it can get you down.
A couple of posters complained that I'm fanning the flames and I just should ignore the trolls, they do have a point, but after talking to the woman who was targeted and she said it meant the world to her that I spoke up for her, she received a ton of private messages of support, but nobody said anything in public and it was grinding her down.
When it comes down to giving support to the person who's unjustly attacked, I rather take the risk of a bit of fanning, because if you are in that position, it's horrible and for the person who's under fire, a little bit of support can mean a hell lot.
What I did in the end was make a post where I asked everybody to give a cheer for the domme being attacked, a ton of people joined in, she did feel better. So guys and girls, if you see some shit like that happening, some cyber-bullying or stalking, don't look away and just think ignoring them is enough, because for the victim and the abuser it looks like you're condoning their actions with silence.
Just my 5 cents
Showing posts with label BDSM relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BDSM relationships. Show all posts
Sunday, 31 May 2015
Friday, 28 March 2014
Not a real Domme - WTF does that mean?
OK, so I recently heard that I'm not a weal and twue Domme, because I do some really undominant stuff, like volunteering for charities, if I can, I like to help people out, I like animals and I don't eat meat, I think I'm privileged that I am fairly healthy, and I can't help but feeling that's down to dumb luck, you know such things as surviving cancer without much of a scratch (apart from donating an ovary, but hey, a ton of cancer victims would wish to be so lucky), I can't help to feel that somehow it puts me in a place where I have an obligation, not sure to whom, let's just call it the universe, to give something back.
Lately I got a whole bunch of messages about how I camouflage as a sadist, because real sadists aren't nice. Well fuck me sideways, I'm terribly sorry that being a person with a life messes with your idea about how a Domme should be. How dare I have a life, interests outside of BDSM, and how dare I being a decent human being? I know it's outrageous and somebody will rip up my Domme card, I guess it's time to confess that I don't walk around clad in leather 24/7 as well or keep slaves in my (non-existent) basement... No, I also don't have an urge to dominate everything I come in contact with, with people it would just be rude, with furniture it would be freaking useless and I'd look like a fool, with the dogs, well I have to be the alpha to make them follow orders (it's the pecking order), with the cats, they'd just laugh if I'd try to boss them around! I guess I'm fucked now...
Honestly, I like BDSM, it's part of my genetic makeup, hardwired, but it's not ALL of my life, it's a small part of my life, quite an essential part, admittedly, but I don't want to have tunnel vision. There is so much more to life than just BDSM, you know just hanging out with friends, a job, all that....
As for the sadist part, yeah, I'm a sadist but I'm also human and I'm NOT (and hope I will never be) an abuser.
So that rules out hurting people who don't voluntarily sign up to be hurt, because it turns me on to see somebody in pain, because I like inflicting pain to somebody who voluntarily signed up for it, be it because he or she wants to endure if for me, or because they crave the pain. It doesn't make a bad person because it's consensual.
So if you think I need to be a bitch 24/7 so your stereotypical tunnel vision is not disturbed, how about you kindly fuck off!
In case it turns you off that I'm the kind of person who will take the puppy or the wounded bird home, who will help the old lady with her shopping and all that jazz, GREAT! Because I seriously don't want to be your fetish delivery system and your myopic view turns me off. Actually turning me off doesn't quite describe it, it makes me want to puke.
In case it disturbs your fantasy that I'm a real person with a real life, why don't you just walk away? Even better, run, as fast as you can. And don't bother informing me, because I would only tell you to run a bit faster.
At the end of the day, as long as I am happy with myself, what you - the stranger on the internet - thinks about me, it doesn't mean jack shit. And if you think that I have to be the mean bitch and an abuser just so your fantasy stays intact, I would laugh into your face, if I could actually be bothered.
Come on, get your arse off the internet, volunteer in a shelter, join a gym, take classes, go to a munch, stop looking at porn and get a life.
End of rant!
PS: As a little update, Phil (who had that excellent guest blog about Depression & BDSM and if you like that try ShiftyW's post about BDSM & PTSD too) seems to have made a similar experience from the other side, and had a rant about not being a twue subbie.
What can I say? There are a lot of idiots around...
Lately I got a whole bunch of messages about how I camouflage as a sadist, because real sadists aren't nice. Well fuck me sideways, I'm terribly sorry that being a person with a life messes with your idea about how a Domme should be. How dare I have a life, interests outside of BDSM, and how dare I being a decent human being? I know it's outrageous and somebody will rip up my Domme card, I guess it's time to confess that I don't walk around clad in leather 24/7 as well or keep slaves in my (non-existent) basement... No, I also don't have an urge to dominate everything I come in contact with, with people it would just be rude, with furniture it would be freaking useless and I'd look like a fool, with the dogs, well I have to be the alpha to make them follow orders (it's the pecking order), with the cats, they'd just laugh if I'd try to boss them around! I guess I'm fucked now...
Honestly, I like BDSM, it's part of my genetic makeup, hardwired, but it's not ALL of my life, it's a small part of my life, quite an essential part, admittedly, but I don't want to have tunnel vision. There is so much more to life than just BDSM, you know just hanging out with friends, a job, all that....
As for the sadist part, yeah, I'm a sadist but I'm also human and I'm NOT (and hope I will never be) an abuser.
So that rules out hurting people who don't voluntarily sign up to be hurt, because it turns me on to see somebody in pain, because I like inflicting pain to somebody who voluntarily signed up for it, be it because he or she wants to endure if for me, or because they crave the pain. It doesn't make a bad person because it's consensual.
So if you think I need to be a bitch 24/7 so your stereotypical tunnel vision is not disturbed, how about you kindly fuck off!
In case it turns you off that I'm the kind of person who will take the puppy or the wounded bird home, who will help the old lady with her shopping and all that jazz, GREAT! Because I seriously don't want to be your fetish delivery system and your myopic view turns me off. Actually turning me off doesn't quite describe it, it makes me want to puke.
In case it disturbs your fantasy that I'm a real person with a real life, why don't you just walk away? Even better, run, as fast as you can. And don't bother informing me, because I would only tell you to run a bit faster.
At the end of the day, as long as I am happy with myself, what you - the stranger on the internet - thinks about me, it doesn't mean jack shit. And if you think that I have to be the mean bitch and an abuser just so your fantasy stays intact, I would laugh into your face, if I could actually be bothered.
Come on, get your arse off the internet, volunteer in a shelter, join a gym, take classes, go to a munch, stop looking at porn and get a life.
End of rant!
PS: As a little update, Phil (who had that excellent guest blog about Depression & BDSM and if you like that try ShiftyW's post about BDSM & PTSD too) seems to have made a similar experience from the other side, and had a rant about not being a twue subbie.
What can I say? There are a lot of idiots around...
Thursday, 20 March 2014
Convinced The Spouse But She's Unsure
OK, this one is just a shorty, working on a lengthy blog entry about something else, but it's something that came up a few times before. We went over that whole stuff about how to tell your partner and all of that, let me try to link:
BDSM and Betrayal
New To BDSM
BDSM and Guilt (which might you help to understand why your spouse is leery)
BDSM and a Spouse (How to tell her)
So today I stumbled across a really really interesting blog entry from some friends, it's basically about how to get comfy and how to start a scene, what to expect and all the panic attacks somebody goes through when they are domming for the first time:
So in case you are one of the lucky ones who has convinced the wife or the girlfriend to give it a try, you might want to point her in direction of this article (and read it yourself too, you don't expect her to do all the work) just to give her some reassurance and take some of the pressure off!
http://beyond50shades.com/planning-scenes-for-beginners/
Good luck to you and enjoy!!!
BDSM and Betrayal
New To BDSM
BDSM and Guilt (which might you help to understand why your spouse is leery)
BDSM and a Spouse (How to tell her)
So today I stumbled across a really really interesting blog entry from some friends, it's basically about how to get comfy and how to start a scene, what to expect and all the panic attacks somebody goes through when they are domming for the first time:
So in case you are one of the lucky ones who has convinced the wife or the girlfriend to give it a try, you might want to point her in direction of this article (and read it yourself too, you don't expect her to do all the work) just to give her some reassurance and take some of the pressure off!
http://beyond50shades.com/planning-scenes-for-beginners/
Good luck to you and enjoy!!!
Tuesday, 11 March 2014
Dominance and Selfishness
Again, I saw this on a discussion board, it was sparked off by a discussion about what seemed to be some Gorean type relationship. I really can't get into that Gorean stuff at all, but that's beside the point, it's not because it's male dominated, it's just too absurd and contrived and rather badly written, the equivalent of 50 Shades for horny teenage boys, of as somebody jokingly said "Kink in Space", hilarious and brilliantly written summary of the Gor books, let's say they are outrageously sexist and if they would be a willing parody of the genre, they'd be brilliant. Unfortunately some people really take them seriously, which in my not so humble opinion, makes it even more funny.
Apart from very few exceptions, Gorean men seem to have a slight bypass when it comes to humour and IQ, of course it's not fair to use Fartie as an example, let's say a conversation in the short bus might challenge him quite a bit and he successfully managed to make a fool out of himself again and again, even other Goreans loath him and for a while it was great fun watching him get his ass busted over his lies, if you're arguing with Fartie, it's not a battle because the poor boy is completely unarmed, but he likes to think he's superior to every woman, because some 3rd rate SciFi book says it's the "natural order", oh and in said fantasy the women all become simpering slaves, and annoyingly talk about themselves in the 3rd person, but I digress..
Anyway, this woman is married and she wasn't happy, she had the typical simpering 3rd person speak, turns out her "master/husband" makes her hold her urine in the morning while she goes through the 150 different Gor slave positions before he allows her to relieve her outside after he whistles. She tried to talk to him about it (holding urine isn't very healthy for the bladder and UT), as a response he slapped her. Apart from being a bit ignorant about medical issues, he also seems to be on a weird trip where he forgot how to communicate with his wife (or slave as she puts it). This then sparked a conversation about "Dominance and Selfishness" and if you have to be selfish to be a D-type. Quite interesting and a lot of different takes on it...
Essentially what it boils down to is, that I think both ends of the whip or crop are selfish, nobody would enter a relationship if there wouldn't be something in for them, if being in that relationship wouldn't make them happier than not being in that particular relationship or dynamic!
It's like when people claim that FinDommes rip the poor subs off, seriously? The subs usually search out FinDommes and offer them money, they must get something out of it or they wouldn't do it, it scratches one of their kinks or their kink, otherwise they wouldn't go looking for them. Seriously, the women that are dealing with guys claiming to be pay-piggies deal with a ton of time wasters and guys who just want to talk about it, I don't think they are making their money the easy way, I don't think I could deal with it, I'd possibly would feel like banging my head against the wall, but again, that's besides the point.
Essentially I believe that every D/s or S/m dynamic is motivated by selfishness on both parts, one craves what the other person can give, and if it turns from a dynamic into a relationship, I do think in the best of all cases, and the ones where the relationship stands the test of time, each partner tries to make the other one happy. Like every vanilla relationship it's a give and take.
People have needs and if the needs are not fulfilled over a prolonged period of time, the relationship starts to disintegrate. As much as we would like to believe that we are selfless, we're not and there is nothing wrong with it. A submissive doesn't "serve" out of selflessness but again, it fulfills one of his or her needs. Yes, there can be situations where the servitude is without emotions, but in those cases it's all about the fetish and the fetish fulfills those needs. Some of them actually don't even want to have human interaction, they just want to be seen as a service submissive, because being a service submissive is their kink, it's what drives them. They are quite rare, but they exist. If they're getting out of it what they want, it's perfect.
It's not that different from a lot of clients who frequent Pro-Dommes, they go there to get an urge scratched and for those 60 minutes they might actually believe that they are submissive, when in fact they pretty much dictate what they want to happen in the session. Not that there is anything wrong with it, you book the session and you negotiate it!
Sometimes your emotional needs change over time (like that with the woman who sparked the discussion) and then it's best if people start to sit down and talk to each other. I don't really buy into 24/7 because apart from BDSM needs even the most kinky of all people have different needs and need down time, your mileage on that might vary, but a 24/7 power exchange and a TPE (Total Power Exchange) seems to be unrealistic. If you're rushing into it without knowing the person, it could spell disaster and financial ruin, which I don't think is a desirable outcome.
I really believe people need time out from their dynamic, where they sit down and are on mutual footing and discuss what works for them and what doesn't work. Of course you can claim a good D-type (I use D-type because it is gender neutral, it can be a Dom or a Domme) should know that and realize it, but the truth is, we aren't perfect, we aren't mind readers, we make mistakes, by talking openly and frankly, without any trappings of power exchange and no repercussions. The D-type might decide not to change a thing, he or she could have her reasons for it, but consent can be withdrawn from both sides at any time. If things really don't work anymore, sometimes you do have to draw the line.
I'm a bit fed up when often subs are painted as the victims, I've seriously met more needy and selfish people who identify as s-types than D-types (mind you, that doesn't mean that all D-types are wonderful people) and there is often so much passive aggressive BS going on, after the relationship ends, what they used to crave is then pictured as abuse.
Again, I'm NOT saying that there is no abuse in BDSM relationships, there are tons of predators out in the real world, of course they are attracted to a world where it is "seemingly OK" to exploit others. But as I said countless times before, you are adults, it's your job to look out who you trust and to not rush into anything, to ask yourself what you are really getting out of the relationship and also what you are putting in. If you are just looking for a fetish delivery system and you're so focused on your fetish, that you forget to see your partner as a human being who might have needs too (other than what you're willing to give, which is in a lot of cases your own kink fulfillment and if you think logically about it, not that much to offer), then you're bound to fall prey to somebody who will try to manipulate you (and not in a good way) in order to get what they want, which happens often to be cash.
There is a person on both ends of the whip, a living, breathing human with feelings, of course with faults (would be nice if we'd all be flawless) but when it comes to a relationship, you have to take all that on board. Kink is one thing, but what are you going to do the other 23 hours of the day? If all you have in common is kink, you're fucked buddy, and not in a good way! Unless of course it is your kink to be exploited and abused, but then please stay away from me, seriously, I'm not judging your kink, but I simply don't want to deal with emotional masochism, in my book it's a recipe for disaster and the D-type always ends getting the blame. It took me far too long to leave Catholic guilt behind, I'm not signing up for emotional BDSM guilt.
No judging, I just prefer to approach my kink from a positive place, somebody who willingly signs up for what I want to dish out, because he or she craves just that. Possibly not the best option ever, but I'm not a therapist and emotional masochism and sadism, for my personal taste it's just a bit too close to abuse and I'd be worried that I might damage more, including myself.
Just my take on it, if yours is different, more power to you, I don't have to live your life and you don't have to live mine.
Though in defence of submissives, there is also one woman who identifies as a dominant, yet will not tolerate any fetishes or strong preferences on the side of a potential partner, to me it sounds like she herself has a "me" fetish herself and wants a partner who makes it also all about her, but all in a seemingly vanilla environment, where none of his other fetishes are under consideration apart from the way she likes to have sex, she wants flowers, romance, the whole stuff, nothing bad, I mentioned her here quite at the end of it, she's looking for a vanilla date on a kink board, but she won't tolerate kinks or fetishes. Yup, selfish, but then again, if she would be a hot 20 year old, she might get away with it, if you're 50+ and maybe not so hot (hard to tell if you only see a picture of Sphinx. If you want TPE and the other should give everything but you aren't prepared to give anything in return, I guess that is selfish. She doesn't hurt anybody with it (apart from guys who dare to mention a kink on a kink board, met with outrage that she is not a fetish delivery system and it has to be about her, not about the guy's kink) but herself, because let's face it, guys might get desperate but not that desperate that they're going to put up with all the trappings of TPE and none of the benefits.
Now if that was all a bit serious, try this piss take on Gor, though sadly enough, it's actually quite like the few books I forced myself to read, I just couldn't bring myself to read more of them, because they are not simply daft but painful for anybody who has standards regarding their reading material... Still wish I wrote them (using a nom de plume of course to avoid merciless piss taking from anybody who knows me), randy teenage fantasies aimed at randy teenage boys got good ol' Norman minted... Reminds me a lot of Scientology to be honest...
Apart from very few exceptions, Gorean men seem to have a slight bypass when it comes to humour and IQ, of course it's not fair to use Fartie as an example, let's say a conversation in the short bus might challenge him quite a bit and he successfully managed to make a fool out of himself again and again, even other Goreans loath him and for a while it was great fun watching him get his ass busted over his lies, if you're arguing with Fartie, it's not a battle because the poor boy is completely unarmed, but he likes to think he's superior to every woman, because some 3rd rate SciFi book says it's the "natural order", oh and in said fantasy the women all become simpering slaves, and annoyingly talk about themselves in the 3rd person, but I digress..
Anyway, this woman is married and she wasn't happy, she had the typical simpering 3rd person speak, turns out her "master/husband" makes her hold her urine in the morning while she goes through the 150 different Gor slave positions before he allows her to relieve her outside after he whistles. She tried to talk to him about it (holding urine isn't very healthy for the bladder and UT), as a response he slapped her. Apart from being a bit ignorant about medical issues, he also seems to be on a weird trip where he forgot how to communicate with his wife (or slave as she puts it). This then sparked a conversation about "Dominance and Selfishness" and if you have to be selfish to be a D-type. Quite interesting and a lot of different takes on it...
Essentially what it boils down to is, that I think both ends of the whip or crop are selfish, nobody would enter a relationship if there wouldn't be something in for them, if being in that relationship wouldn't make them happier than not being in that particular relationship or dynamic!
It's like when people claim that FinDommes rip the poor subs off, seriously? The subs usually search out FinDommes and offer them money, they must get something out of it or they wouldn't do it, it scratches one of their kinks or their kink, otherwise they wouldn't go looking for them. Seriously, the women that are dealing with guys claiming to be pay-piggies deal with a ton of time wasters and guys who just want to talk about it, I don't think they are making their money the easy way, I don't think I could deal with it, I'd possibly would feel like banging my head against the wall, but again, that's besides the point.
Essentially I believe that every D/s or S/m dynamic is motivated by selfishness on both parts, one craves what the other person can give, and if it turns from a dynamic into a relationship, I do think in the best of all cases, and the ones where the relationship stands the test of time, each partner tries to make the other one happy. Like every vanilla relationship it's a give and take.
People have needs and if the needs are not fulfilled over a prolonged period of time, the relationship starts to disintegrate. As much as we would like to believe that we are selfless, we're not and there is nothing wrong with it. A submissive doesn't "serve" out of selflessness but again, it fulfills one of his or her needs. Yes, there can be situations where the servitude is without emotions, but in those cases it's all about the fetish and the fetish fulfills those needs. Some of them actually don't even want to have human interaction, they just want to be seen as a service submissive, because being a service submissive is their kink, it's what drives them. They are quite rare, but they exist. If they're getting out of it what they want, it's perfect.
It's not that different from a lot of clients who frequent Pro-Dommes, they go there to get an urge scratched and for those 60 minutes they might actually believe that they are submissive, when in fact they pretty much dictate what they want to happen in the session. Not that there is anything wrong with it, you book the session and you negotiate it!
Sometimes your emotional needs change over time (like that with the woman who sparked the discussion) and then it's best if people start to sit down and talk to each other. I don't really buy into 24/7 because apart from BDSM needs even the most kinky of all people have different needs and need down time, your mileage on that might vary, but a 24/7 power exchange and a TPE (Total Power Exchange) seems to be unrealistic. If you're rushing into it without knowing the person, it could spell disaster and financial ruin, which I don't think is a desirable outcome.
I really believe people need time out from their dynamic, where they sit down and are on mutual footing and discuss what works for them and what doesn't work. Of course you can claim a good D-type (I use D-type because it is gender neutral, it can be a Dom or a Domme) should know that and realize it, but the truth is, we aren't perfect, we aren't mind readers, we make mistakes, by talking openly and frankly, without any trappings of power exchange and no repercussions. The D-type might decide not to change a thing, he or she could have her reasons for it, but consent can be withdrawn from both sides at any time. If things really don't work anymore, sometimes you do have to draw the line.
I'm a bit fed up when often subs are painted as the victims, I've seriously met more needy and selfish people who identify as s-types than D-types (mind you, that doesn't mean that all D-types are wonderful people) and there is often so much passive aggressive BS going on, after the relationship ends, what they used to crave is then pictured as abuse.
Again, I'm NOT saying that there is no abuse in BDSM relationships, there are tons of predators out in the real world, of course they are attracted to a world where it is "seemingly OK" to exploit others. But as I said countless times before, you are adults, it's your job to look out who you trust and to not rush into anything, to ask yourself what you are really getting out of the relationship and also what you are putting in. If you are just looking for a fetish delivery system and you're so focused on your fetish, that you forget to see your partner as a human being who might have needs too (other than what you're willing to give, which is in a lot of cases your own kink fulfillment and if you think logically about it, not that much to offer), then you're bound to fall prey to somebody who will try to manipulate you (and not in a good way) in order to get what they want, which happens often to be cash.
There is a person on both ends of the whip, a living, breathing human with feelings, of course with faults (would be nice if we'd all be flawless) but when it comes to a relationship, you have to take all that on board. Kink is one thing, but what are you going to do the other 23 hours of the day? If all you have in common is kink, you're fucked buddy, and not in a good way! Unless of course it is your kink to be exploited and abused, but then please stay away from me, seriously, I'm not judging your kink, but I simply don't want to deal with emotional masochism, in my book it's a recipe for disaster and the D-type always ends getting the blame. It took me far too long to leave Catholic guilt behind, I'm not signing up for emotional BDSM guilt.
No judging, I just prefer to approach my kink from a positive place, somebody who willingly signs up for what I want to dish out, because he or she craves just that. Possibly not the best option ever, but I'm not a therapist and emotional masochism and sadism, for my personal taste it's just a bit too close to abuse and I'd be worried that I might damage more, including myself.
Just my take on it, if yours is different, more power to you, I don't have to live your life and you don't have to live mine.
Though in defence of submissives, there is also one woman who identifies as a dominant, yet will not tolerate any fetishes or strong preferences on the side of a potential partner, to me it sounds like she herself has a "me" fetish herself and wants a partner who makes it also all about her, but all in a seemingly vanilla environment, where none of his other fetishes are under consideration apart from the way she likes to have sex, she wants flowers, romance, the whole stuff, nothing bad, I mentioned her here quite at the end of it, she's looking for a vanilla date on a kink board, but she won't tolerate kinks or fetishes. Yup, selfish, but then again, if she would be a hot 20 year old, she might get away with it, if you're 50+ and maybe not so hot (hard to tell if you only see a picture of Sphinx. If you want TPE and the other should give everything but you aren't prepared to give anything in return, I guess that is selfish. She doesn't hurt anybody with it (apart from guys who dare to mention a kink on a kink board, met with outrage that she is not a fetish delivery system and it has to be about her, not about the guy's kink) but herself, because let's face it, guys might get desperate but not that desperate that they're going to put up with all the trappings of TPE and none of the benefits.
Now if that was all a bit serious, try this piss take on Gor, though sadly enough, it's actually quite like the few books I forced myself to read, I just couldn't bring myself to read more of them, because they are not simply daft but painful for anybody who has standards regarding their reading material... Still wish I wrote them (using a nom de plume of course to avoid merciless piss taking from anybody who knows me), randy teenage fantasies aimed at randy teenage boys got good ol' Norman minted... Reminds me a lot of Scientology to be honest...
Tuesday, 18 February 2014
Of Men and errr Women...
It was something I read on a message board, a kink board, but in a way it really doesn't just translate to kink but almost every situation where men and women interact in relationships or attempts to form relationships.
Background is, a guy new to BDSM (D-type) gets a boner each time somebody calls him Sir, which is a bit inconvenient because he's in the military (tight briefs, Sir, forget about wearing boxer shorts, Sir - sorry, couldn't resist) and if he goes shopping he eyes up women and wonders how their breasts would look with clamps, their butts with his hand prints...
So in short a discussion got sparked off, nothing unusual, most people had the take "Your thoughts are free, as long as you don't stare or make it obvious, nobody knows what you are thinking, if it bothers you, concentrate on your tax bill..."
Topic went a bit off track, as it happens everywhere but especially on the internet.
Some women expressed a dislike for being leered at (understandable), men declared it as a compliment and we should be happy, and a guy threw in the question:
"Hey, you girls can't tell me that you never looked at a stranger and wondered how it would feel if his cock would slide into you...."
Much bewilderment amongst the female participants (dominants and subs alike) and pretty resounding "No, not really! Never!"
More bewilderment from the men, all women (even some who said they have an abnormally high sex drive) bewildered that the guys don't understand...
Light bulb moment and a woman asking "Is that why strange men send us cock pictures? They really think we want to see this?"
It really does explain a lot, it's not completely new and all that, but I hardly have ever seen it spelled out that clear. Deep down we all know that men and women process things a bit different, but sometimes it just takes something like that to make it all crystal clear.
Somewhere else there was another comment, when a guy asked if all Dommes want payment, there were a couple of funny remarks, I was tempted to say "You can pay in blood, and nope, I'm not a vampire or a blood bank!" But figured it's not good form to scare newbies, so for a change I actually DID behave (can I have a round of applause please?)
A good one came from a dominant Lady:
"Basically, you're going to have to pay in some sort of currency or another to be in a relationship with a woman."
Another great comment came from a switch guy who seems to understand women very well:
"In gender-sensitive language, women want something out of the "relationship", and, the more impersonal the relationship, the more impersonal the "thing" that women want out of said relationship."
Or as DominaM said once (I'm paraphrasing since I don't recall her exact words):
"You don't pay us to dominate you, you pay us to go away and not dominate you and call you up, when we want that iced coffee at 3am in the morning!"
It basically boils down to a conversation I had on the blog of hermajestysplaything where we discussed what goes into a D/s relationship and how to make sure that it has a long life, and the idea is really trying to meet each other half-way and COMMUNICATION, not just talking AT each other, but listening what the other person is really saying.
Kinky relationships really aren't all that different from real relationships, still humans involved with feelings and all that...
Sorry if I didn't deliver the perfect blue print, in case anybody has one, please give me a shout!
Background is, a guy new to BDSM (D-type) gets a boner each time somebody calls him Sir, which is a bit inconvenient because he's in the military (tight briefs, Sir, forget about wearing boxer shorts, Sir - sorry, couldn't resist) and if he goes shopping he eyes up women and wonders how their breasts would look with clamps, their butts with his hand prints...
So in short a discussion got sparked off, nothing unusual, most people had the take "Your thoughts are free, as long as you don't stare or make it obvious, nobody knows what you are thinking, if it bothers you, concentrate on your tax bill..."
Topic went a bit off track, as it happens everywhere but especially on the internet.
Some women expressed a dislike for being leered at (understandable), men declared it as a compliment and we should be happy, and a guy threw in the question:
"Hey, you girls can't tell me that you never looked at a stranger and wondered how it would feel if his cock would slide into you...."
Much bewilderment amongst the female participants (dominants and subs alike) and pretty resounding "No, not really! Never!"
More bewilderment from the men, all women (even some who said they have an abnormally high sex drive) bewildered that the guys don't understand...
Light bulb moment and a woman asking "Is that why strange men send us cock pictures? They really think we want to see this?"
It really does explain a lot, it's not completely new and all that, but I hardly have ever seen it spelled out that clear. Deep down we all know that men and women process things a bit different, but sometimes it just takes something like that to make it all crystal clear.
Somewhere else there was another comment, when a guy asked if all Dommes want payment, there were a couple of funny remarks, I was tempted to say "You can pay in blood, and nope, I'm not a vampire or a blood bank!" But figured it's not good form to scare newbies, so for a change I actually DID behave (can I have a round of applause please?)
A good one came from a dominant Lady:
"Basically, you're going to have to pay in some sort of currency or another to be in a relationship with a woman."
Another great comment came from a switch guy who seems to understand women very well:
"In gender-sensitive language, women want something out of the "relationship", and, the more impersonal the relationship, the more impersonal the "thing" that women want out of said relationship."
Or as DominaM said once (I'm paraphrasing since I don't recall her exact words):
"You don't pay us to dominate you, you pay us to go away and not dominate you and call you up, when we want that iced coffee at 3am in the morning!"
It basically boils down to a conversation I had on the blog of hermajestysplaything where we discussed what goes into a D/s relationship and how to make sure that it has a long life, and the idea is really trying to meet each other half-way and COMMUNICATION, not just talking AT each other, but listening what the other person is really saying.
Kinky relationships really aren't all that different from real relationships, still humans involved with feelings and all that...
Sorry if I didn't deliver the perfect blue print, in case anybody has one, please give me a shout!
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Kinky Valentine's Day
I want a Valentine's gift from you, seriously, I'm going all demanding domme on you, please me, do something for me!
Go on, I really really want something!
An animal charity here in the UK was badly hit by the storms and the rain, they had to move the horses they have rescued and rented stables, the hay, straw and feed they had is gone, and it about cleaned them out. I know them really well because I occasionally fostered a dog for them, they are great people who have day jobs and use their own money to support the animals (one of them works at night as a nurse and by day looks after the animals, they don't pay themselves wages like some other charities do where more goes to supporting the life-style of a CEO than to the animals), they are a registered charity, not some scam outfit. I basically put the link everywhere, on my twitter, FB, even LinkedIn. I am just trying to help them spread it, in the hope they might get the odd donation. Doesn't matter if you can't afford to give them anything, if you're putting the link out and ask friends to do the same, there might be somebody who sees it who can afford to put the odd $ or 2 in.
And even if you read that some time later, just share the link, it's OK if you can't donate (but if you can, I am really really grateful to you, even if it is just $1 or £1), if you want something from me, send me a message and if I can I will do it, Skype session, no fucking problem, you're in the UK and want your ass spanked, whipped, beaten, I will do it, I'll send you socks, pantyhoses, stockings, underwear if that's what you're into.
Let me know what you want to read about and I'll write about it, I promise.
Just fucking help them out! PLEASE!
Please spread that link through your social media, nobody will know or care if comes from a vanilla or a kink account. Nobody knows you got it from here. I hammered the shit out of it through my kink network, my private vanilla network, my work network, that is more vanilla than you can imagine!
Just please, do it!
A very undomly PRETTY PLEASE?
Go on, I really really want something!
An animal charity here in the UK was badly hit by the storms and the rain, they had to move the horses they have rescued and rented stables, the hay, straw and feed they had is gone, and it about cleaned them out. I know them really well because I occasionally fostered a dog for them, they are great people who have day jobs and use their own money to support the animals (one of them works at night as a nurse and by day looks after the animals, they don't pay themselves wages like some other charities do where more goes to supporting the life-style of a CEO than to the animals), they are a registered charity, not some scam outfit. I basically put the link everywhere, on my twitter, FB, even LinkedIn. I am just trying to help them spread it, in the hope they might get the odd donation. Doesn't matter if you can't afford to give them anything, if you're putting the link out and ask friends to do the same, there might be somebody who sees it who can afford to put the odd $ or 2 in.
And even if you read that some time later, just share the link, it's OK if you can't donate (but if you can, I am really really grateful to you, even if it is just $1 or £1), if you want something from me, send me a message and if I can I will do it, Skype session, no fucking problem, you're in the UK and want your ass spanked, whipped, beaten, I will do it, I'll send you socks, pantyhoses, stockings, underwear if that's what you're into.
Let me know what you want to read about and I'll write about it, I promise.
Just fucking help them out! PLEASE!
Please spread that link through your social media, nobody will know or care if comes from a vanilla or a kink account. Nobody knows you got it from here. I hammered the shit out of it through my kink network, my private vanilla network, my work network, that is more vanilla than you can imagine!
Just please, do it!
A very undomly PRETTY PLEASE?
http://tinyurl.com/on992ct
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
BDSM and a spouse
Whenever BDSM comes up and somebody is sneaking around the wife, a lot of people raise the finger and point out how dishonest it was to get involved, knowing your spouse doesn't share it...
To be honest, yes, it would be better if you would have thought about it before you got involved, but let's face it, we don't have much of a choice who we fall in love with and maybe you really thought those desires and urges would go away, or maybe they weren't quite as prominent as they are now. I'm not giving you a free pass for cheating on your spouse, but if you insisting on it would mess up the relationship, then by all means rather than force your wife or girlfriend to do something she'd hate, take it outside and then your best option is a pro domme.
The problem a lot of people have is talking to their other half and explaining, it's a bit easier for women, with submissive guys the main worry the woman will have is if you aren't going to change. There are a lot of rumours about and a lot of misconceptions about BDSM and her hearing that you have submissive feelings, she is bound to worry how the whole relationship will change. It's your job to reassure her that you are not planning to change the whole relationship (and in case you do and she doesn't want that, do what's right and let her go - long term you are both going to be unhappy), that you aren't expecting her to lead you around on a leash day in day out or keep you in a cage under the bed.
Proceed with caution is all I can say, and think how you bring it up, might be a good idea to share a bottle of wine and watch a movie that is a little bit kinky to bring it up, or talk about music, BDSM images are in most music videos, a great opening to mention something innocent like "Have you ever experimented with BDSM?"
In case she denies it and wonders why you ask: "The clothes are so hot and I thought about it a few times, as long as it's not too extreme..."
Don't shock her away with your wildest desires, give her time to get used to it. Also have a few things at hand, that maybe blindfolds or tying somebody to the bed is already a mild form of BDSM, now who hasn't done that at least once, it will look less scary to her ;)
Always make sure she understands that you want to try it with HER, you trust her, you feel comfortable enough with her... No woman wants to get the feeling that she's just a fetish delivery system, so tell her she would look great in boots, how much it turns you on to see her in them, how much more it would turn you on to see her just in boots...
Once you made her curious and she's willing to experiment a bit with you, again go slow, and after each experiment, be super super attentive and loving (flowers, doing something she wants to do, cuddles, etc.), yes in a way you do condition her to see kink as something very rewarding, something positive... She might even take advantage of it and initiate kinky things more often.
You should also ask what her boundaries are, what she can imagine, what would turn her on, and while I don't think you should get her mindlessly drunk (dangerous and how much fun is it if somebody has to interrupt to run and vomit...) if a glass of wine or a glass of champagne just makes her a bit more relaxed, go for it.
For a lot of people it's super helpful if they're doing some kind of role play, you might even go to a hotel first to play there, pretend that she picks you up at the bar or something like that. A lot of times it will make it easier for her, she can just pretend to be somebody else, it might even turn her own...
Also make sure that she knows everything is consensual and that she can stop at any point, use the simple traffic light code:
Green: Everything is fine
Yellow: Careful
Red: Stop straight away
What's really important is that you shouldn't expect that it will work from today to tomorrow, give her time, don't push too far and don't stop being her partner otherwise, unless she indicates that she wants to take more control. Give her enough time to get used to something and get comfortable with it before you push further.
You know there is an excellent book you should consider getting for you and your girlfriend/wife:
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
To be honest, yes, it would be better if you would have thought about it before you got involved, but let's face it, we don't have much of a choice who we fall in love with and maybe you really thought those desires and urges would go away, or maybe they weren't quite as prominent as they are now. I'm not giving you a free pass for cheating on your spouse, but if you insisting on it would mess up the relationship, then by all means rather than force your wife or girlfriend to do something she'd hate, take it outside and then your best option is a pro domme.
The problem a lot of people have is talking to their other half and explaining, it's a bit easier for women, with submissive guys the main worry the woman will have is if you aren't going to change. There are a lot of rumours about and a lot of misconceptions about BDSM and her hearing that you have submissive feelings, she is bound to worry how the whole relationship will change. It's your job to reassure her that you are not planning to change the whole relationship (and in case you do and she doesn't want that, do what's right and let her go - long term you are both going to be unhappy), that you aren't expecting her to lead you around on a leash day in day out or keep you in a cage under the bed.
Proceed with caution is all I can say, and think how you bring it up, might be a good idea to share a bottle of wine and watch a movie that is a little bit kinky to bring it up, or talk about music, BDSM images are in most music videos, a great opening to mention something innocent like "Have you ever experimented with BDSM?"
In case she denies it and wonders why you ask: "The clothes are so hot and I thought about it a few times, as long as it's not too extreme..."
Don't shock her away with your wildest desires, give her time to get used to it. Also have a few things at hand, that maybe blindfolds or tying somebody to the bed is already a mild form of BDSM, now who hasn't done that at least once, it will look less scary to her ;)
Always make sure she understands that you want to try it with HER, you trust her, you feel comfortable enough with her... No woman wants to get the feeling that she's just a fetish delivery system, so tell her she would look great in boots, how much it turns you on to see her in them, how much more it would turn you on to see her just in boots...
Once you made her curious and she's willing to experiment a bit with you, again go slow, and after each experiment, be super super attentive and loving (flowers, doing something she wants to do, cuddles, etc.), yes in a way you do condition her to see kink as something very rewarding, something positive... She might even take advantage of it and initiate kinky things more often.
You should also ask what her boundaries are, what she can imagine, what would turn her on, and while I don't think you should get her mindlessly drunk (dangerous and how much fun is it if somebody has to interrupt to run and vomit...) if a glass of wine or a glass of champagne just makes her a bit more relaxed, go for it.
For a lot of people it's super helpful if they're doing some kind of role play, you might even go to a hotel first to play there, pretend that she picks you up at the bar or something like that. A lot of times it will make it easier for her, she can just pretend to be somebody else, it might even turn her own...
Also make sure that she knows everything is consensual and that she can stop at any point, use the simple traffic light code:
Green: Everything is fine
Yellow: Careful
Red: Stop straight away
What's really important is that you shouldn't expect that it will work from today to tomorrow, give her time, don't push too far and don't stop being her partner otherwise, unless she indicates that she wants to take more control. Give her enough time to get used to something and get comfortable with it before you push further.
You know there is an excellent book you should consider getting for you and your girlfriend/wife:
When Someone You Love Is Kinky
Sunday, 2 December 2012
BDSM Clubs - connect with Dommes
I said a lot about it before and I'm going to link to some blog entries I made before so I don't need to repeat myself (and bore you to tears)
It's a difficult subject, I know and meeting somebody is not easy, my first advise would be to be yourself and really meet people at munches.
In case you are online and you try to talk to people, here are some traps to avoid when contacting a domme
You can be respectful and polite without turning into a sniffeling worm, and dommes tend to be not too attracted to guys who present themselves as worthless worms
In case you just discovered BDSM, you might be really overwhelmed and want to tell everybody about it but I'd advise you to think it through before you out yourself, once you're out of the closet, you can't go back in.
Also have reasonable expectations, don't get confused by labels and don't think everything is like in books or porn, don't expect to be coddled, you're looking for a domme and not a surrogate mom
In case it's just the occasional urge and you're happy with seeing a pro domme from time to time, go with that but do not fall into the trap of thinking it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...
Don't fall in love with a Pro-Domme
So if you book a session, let her know what you want and respect her boundaries and don't get hung up on what to wear and keep your expectations in check, a perfect session requires not just a good domme but also a good chemistry. At one point we were all new to BDSM, but even if you're not, check this out it might make things easier for you and the domme!
Meeting a pro domme is not difficult, you find one who appeals to you and you contact her, after you read her website and after you checked out how to avoid putting your foot in!
Now meeting life-style dommes might be a bit more difficult, but you HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, most dommes are really not computer warriors who want to play cyber games, if you want to do that, do us all a favour and go to Niteflirt or another site, it's work and those women should be compensated for it. Basically you are not looking for a real relationship, you are looking for somebody who's wank fodder for you - there are plenty of free sites out there, if you can't find what you are looking for on the internet and you need to bug somebody, sorry buster, pay for it. No woman owes you to be a fetish delivery system for free!
So once you finally dared to venture out and go to some munches or parties, I gave you a few hints how to behave, in short, the same way you would behave if you would be around people who aren't kinky, just be polite and respectful.
It can't be said often enough: Dommes are women first and we want to be treated like women, not fetish delivery systems!
In short if you don't appeal to us as a woman first, you won't appeal to us as as dommes, so work on the charms and be polite without being a sniffeling menace who bugs us!
Let me make you a list:
A lot of it is just common sense and you possibly have figured it out all yourself but in a situation like being in a BDSM club or at a BDSM party, it's easy to forget.
A simple example, I used to go to a Fetish Club in Munich, always pretty full but usually a lot more guys than women, in short it was pretty hard for the guys to meet women or get noticed by them, and to be honest as a woman, you got pretty annoyed after a while when every few minutes a guy came up to you and wanted to "serve" you, the service was usually a kinky interaction for THEIR enjoyment, because seriously, why would I want to exchange my comfy chair to sit rather uncomfy on some guys back, because he wanted to be objectified as a chair, couldn't be a foot stool, had to be a chair... How the hell is he serving me if I'm uncomfortable? Another domme was a non-smoker, a guy insisted on lighting a cigarette for her, because he had a smoking fetish and claimed he wanted to "serve her". Service is not something that turns you on, it's something the domme wants...
Anyway, there was one guy, not outrageously attractive, rather average looking, he carried a little box with him and came over, very politely told me that he admires my boots a lot and has a boot fetish, would I allow him to shine my boots.
I was taken aback for a moment, unlike a lot of the other guys, he was so polite and he actually offered something, and while my boots were nice and not dirty, having them polished well, yeah, sure. He opened his box and had a complete set for shoe care in it, boot blackener, different brushes, even a soft cloth for a proper shine, and guess what, he did a great job. I was so pleased, I asked him if I could buy him a drink as a thank you, he thanked me and insisted on buying drinks, we had a really good conversation and he told me he just wanted to stand out from the crowd and get to know dommes without pestering them, so he figured most of them have amazing shoes and while everybody asks them to kiss their shoes, polishing them is something he never saw offered. Well, damned good thinking! He could approach basically any domme he liked, got to know her, in case she was just a rude bitch, he polished the shoes, thanked her and left.
To cut a long story short, I introduced him to a few friends (other dommes) and whenever we saw him at the club, we talked to him, because we knew him, we also played on occasion with him, his social circle broadened a lot and he never stood around or was the gooseberry.
It doesn't matter if you bring a kit for polishing shoes, if you have some good quality (but cheap) crops and you give one to the domme who caught your eye or just as a conversation starter (again, buy them in equestrian stores - very cheap), do something FOR the domme, the usual "Can I buy you a drink" doesn't make you stand out. There are a lot of ways, if you're good at arts and crafts, make something kinky, again, just stand out from the crowd...
I know I promised a BDSM check list which should help you to define your limits and likes and all of that, but I guess this entry was rather long, so it will have to wait. Stay tuned.
And if you have questions or think a blog entry should deal with something, let me know!
It's a difficult subject, I know and meeting somebody is not easy, my first advise would be to be yourself and really meet people at munches.
In case you are online and you try to talk to people, here are some traps to avoid when contacting a domme
You can be respectful and polite without turning into a sniffeling worm, and dommes tend to be not too attracted to guys who present themselves as worthless worms
In case you just discovered BDSM, you might be really overwhelmed and want to tell everybody about it but I'd advise you to think it through before you out yourself, once you're out of the closet, you can't go back in.
Also have reasonable expectations, don't get confused by labels and don't think everything is like in books or porn, don't expect to be coddled, you're looking for a domme and not a surrogate mom
In case it's just the occasional urge and you're happy with seeing a pro domme from time to time, go with that but do not fall into the trap of thinking it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...
Don't fall in love with a Pro-Domme
So if you book a session, let her know what you want and respect her boundaries and don't get hung up on what to wear and keep your expectations in check, a perfect session requires not just a good domme but also a good chemistry. At one point we were all new to BDSM, but even if you're not, check this out it might make things easier for you and the domme!
Meeting a pro domme is not difficult, you find one who appeals to you and you contact her, after you read her website and after you checked out how to avoid putting your foot in!
Now meeting life-style dommes might be a bit more difficult, but you HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE, most dommes are really not computer warriors who want to play cyber games, if you want to do that, do us all a favour and go to Niteflirt or another site, it's work and those women should be compensated for it. Basically you are not looking for a real relationship, you are looking for somebody who's wank fodder for you - there are plenty of free sites out there, if you can't find what you are looking for on the internet and you need to bug somebody, sorry buster, pay for it. No woman owes you to be a fetish delivery system for free!
So once you finally dared to venture out and go to some munches or parties, I gave you a few hints how to behave, in short, the same way you would behave if you would be around people who aren't kinky, just be polite and respectful.
It can't be said often enough: Dommes are women first and we want to be treated like women, not fetish delivery systems!
In short if you don't appeal to us as a woman first, you won't appeal to us as as dommes, so work on the charms and be polite without being a sniffeling menace who bugs us!
Let me make you a list:
- Be polite and charming, behave like a gentleman!
- Conversation is important! In case you don't have anything to say, think about a few themes that might interest women too, you might be passionate about your stamp or coin collection, but it's a fair bet most women aren't.
- Compliment them, but don't go over board with sleazy stuff.
- A good conversation starter are outfits and toys "Excuse me, I noticed your <item of clothing, toy, etc> can I ask you were you found it? Never seen one like that...."
- Stand out from the crowd... Chances are there are at least 5 guys for every woman there, you don't want to be the 15th guy who offers to buy her a drink, offer her a crop (you can buy very cheap but high quality crops at equestrian stores)
- Be honest, seriously, don't lie about your experience, especially if you have none, sooner or later it will come out anyway and if she can't trust you being honest about your experience, she'll possibly figure that she can't trust you at all and you messed up any chance you ever had - and your mouth most likely wrote a check that your ass can't pay.
- Know your limits - sounds easy, you may even think you have none, so let me bring a few things up that might make you change your mind: lasting marks (scars, tattoos), feces, knifes, electrical play, breath play... I get to that later and give you a few pointers how you can find out in advance... People come into the lifestyle at any point of their lives, nobody was born with the knowledge, so letting somebody know that you aren't experienced doesn't count against you, some even might view you as "unspoiled".
- Don't think you are experienced because you read a bit about BDSM or you"served" somebody online. There is a world of difference between typing you serve somebody a drink and actually serving somebody.
- Don't pester dommes to play with you, you can mention that you would be delighted to play if she wishes (again, before that happens you tell her your limits or tell her that you're a newbie) and then leave it up to her. Dommes don't tend to be shy wallflowers, she'll let you know...
- Know yourself, by that I mean don't get carried away, even if you see something you REALLY REALLY like, do not just go and touch, very bad idea... (I know, should not have to be said but unfortunately it has to be said because it happens)
- Tolerance! Don't bitch about somebody's fetish, no matter how ridiculous it may seem to you, your fetish possibly looks just as ridiculous to somebody else! Live and let live!
- In case I left something out - please let me know, this is a work in progress!
A lot of it is just common sense and you possibly have figured it out all yourself but in a situation like being in a BDSM club or at a BDSM party, it's easy to forget.
A simple example, I used to go to a Fetish Club in Munich, always pretty full but usually a lot more guys than women, in short it was pretty hard for the guys to meet women or get noticed by them, and to be honest as a woman, you got pretty annoyed after a while when every few minutes a guy came up to you and wanted to "serve" you, the service was usually a kinky interaction for THEIR enjoyment, because seriously, why would I want to exchange my comfy chair to sit rather uncomfy on some guys back, because he wanted to be objectified as a chair, couldn't be a foot stool, had to be a chair... How the hell is he serving me if I'm uncomfortable? Another domme was a non-smoker, a guy insisted on lighting a cigarette for her, because he had a smoking fetish and claimed he wanted to "serve her". Service is not something that turns you on, it's something the domme wants...
Anyway, there was one guy, not outrageously attractive, rather average looking, he carried a little box with him and came over, very politely told me that he admires my boots a lot and has a boot fetish, would I allow him to shine my boots.
I was taken aback for a moment, unlike a lot of the other guys, he was so polite and he actually offered something, and while my boots were nice and not dirty, having them polished well, yeah, sure. He opened his box and had a complete set for shoe care in it, boot blackener, different brushes, even a soft cloth for a proper shine, and guess what, he did a great job. I was so pleased, I asked him if I could buy him a drink as a thank you, he thanked me and insisted on buying drinks, we had a really good conversation and he told me he just wanted to stand out from the crowd and get to know dommes without pestering them, so he figured most of them have amazing shoes and while everybody asks them to kiss their shoes, polishing them is something he never saw offered. Well, damned good thinking! He could approach basically any domme he liked, got to know her, in case she was just a rude bitch, he polished the shoes, thanked her and left.
To cut a long story short, I introduced him to a few friends (other dommes) and whenever we saw him at the club, we talked to him, because we knew him, we also played on occasion with him, his social circle broadened a lot and he never stood around or was the gooseberry.
It doesn't matter if you bring a kit for polishing shoes, if you have some good quality (but cheap) crops and you give one to the domme who caught your eye or just as a conversation starter (again, buy them in equestrian stores - very cheap), do something FOR the domme, the usual "Can I buy you a drink" doesn't make you stand out. There are a lot of ways, if you're good at arts and crafts, make something kinky, again, just stand out from the crowd...
I know I promised a BDSM check list which should help you to define your limits and likes and all of that, but I guess this entry was rather long, so it will have to wait. Stay tuned.
And if you have questions or think a blog entry should deal with something, let me know!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)