I'm your Domme, not your mom

A friend of mine brought that up today in a conversation, I'm jealous, that is such a great line and so true!

Guys, no ifs and no buts, unless you are into age play a good way to turn of female dominants is to expect them to coddle you, if we wanted to have children, we would have them, some of us might even have them, so really, we don't need a guy to behave like he can't tie his shoes himself and needs to be micromanaged 24/7.

If it's in a session and you both get off on it, wonderful, but I would really really freak out if somebody would expect me to micromanage him all the time, it's kinda nice having somebody with a brain, somebody you can also have a conversation with and not somebody who wants you to know when he's allowed to use the toilet (unless it's their kink - it certainly isn't mine, bowel functions are more of a turn off, we all have them but some bodily functions are in the realm of privacy, please don't over share).

Of course I am not speaking for all dommes and some might be into micromanagement, it's just not a hell lot of us are, really. Look at it practically, micromanaging you causes us a lot of work, we have to show you how something is done, we have to check that you are doing it right, we have to control you all the time, you know what? I rather do it myself, far less trouble and I don't have to bother with somebody getting underfoot.

Think about it this way, a submissive who's smart and attentive, that is sexy, that is a turn on, yup, does something for me, somebody who's dumb or dumbs down, not so much. If you'd be looking for a potential play partner or life partner, what would you be looking for? Somebody who is smart and clever, who's an asset, somebody you can be proud of, or a liability?

Say if you are a service sub, what service are you doing me if I have to watch you all the time? So I let you into my place (bit of a risk I took) and you're there and you want to be of service, I tell you to wash the dishes while I do something else and you interrupt me every 5 minutes asking me which dish you should wash first, within 30 minutes I want to throttle you and kick your ass out, and I am not talking breath play and abandonment fantasies, I'm telling you, there is nothing kinky about me being really really pissed off!

New to BDSM

New to this

Yeah, we’ve all started somewhere and having those desires and realizing that they possibly won’t go away, that you really want to find out about it all, see if it is for you or if it isn’t seems like a good idea. A lot better than being unhappy and wishing for something but not doing anything to make it come true…

Now of course there are several hurdles, when it comes to life-style play and you just want to try things out, it’s a bit difficult to find a Domme who’ll just indulge you and do all of this just so you can figure out if you do or don’t want it, can’t blame them, you’d possibly react the same way.

Then it’s a question of supply and demand, there is a much much greater supply of submissives than there are of Dommes, luck is just not on your side, unless of course you got movie star looks, then you might be a bit luckier, better get rid of that paunch then ASAP ;)

There are a 101 reasons why you might have trouble finding a life-style Mistress, now if you are in a relationship or you don’t have all that much time you can devote to going to munches, or you simply don’t want to wait months and years until you find somebody who is willing to play with you, it might just make sense to go and see a pro Domme as long as you keep a few things in mind:

-       Be honest, tell her that you’re not experienced  (if you don’t believe me that it’s important, check for Mr Bullwhip)

-       Communicate, let her know what you are interested in, I know it’s difficult but what are you fantasizing about? Yep, that’s an interest. Something you absolutely don’t want to happen (say crossdressing really turns you off, or other men) that would be a hard limit – simple, isn’t it?

-       Don’t get fooled by pictures, make sure you have a bit of chemistry, can you talk to her when you call her up? Good! Of course you should find her attractive, that is important, but she doesn’t need to be your dream woman, you aren’t going to marry her!

-       No matter how good the session is, do not fall in love, do not get in head over heels, you booked a service, of course you should enjoy it but it’s not a date, she’s not your girlfriend. Do us a favour and read THIS

With permission from Ms Maya Midnight, here is a great essay about how to book a session, with all the pointers a newbie or a more seasoned player might need: Newbie Guide To Seeing Pro Dommes

Listen guys, as long as you keep a clear head, you communicate well and you do your research, not a lot can go wrong!

A bit of help for masochists ;)

Masochist’s handbook ;)

Quite a few of you guys are masochists but you can’t afford to come home with marks, well, there is help for that guys…

Oh you won’t like this, but actually if you do work out and you are fairly fit, you don’t bruise quite as easily as if you’re a bit flabby, so hit the gym. Your domme might actually enjoy it (firm flesh is a bit nicer to touch and to violate) and – don’t discount this at all – the spouse might as well and it might just give your dormant sex life a bit of a kick…. That additional blubber you carry with you – makes you bruise a lot easier…

In case you’re going for a CP session, start stepping up on the pineapple, it doesn’t help if you eat it the day before but if you have a little bit about a week before, it does reduce bruising A LOT. So before you go to a session, a week before knock the booze on the head, start taking vitamin C, pineapple juice is especially good, treat yourself to a lot of vitamins (C, E, K and zinc), bruises are broken capillaries, you want to strengthen them.

In case you’re taking Aspirn or any other medication that thins the blood or pain killers (ibuprofen as well), you will bruise a lot easier, so if you don’t need it for medical reasons, deal with the headache, a lot better for your blood vessels and bruising.

Knock the booze, yep, just that beer with friends and stuff, skip it because it’s also helping you get bruised, give your liver a rest.

There are 1001 ways to make you scream and hurt you that doesn’t leave marks, but you might not enjoy them quite as much as a cane or a whip, so in some cases electricity it out.

Well a good way to not bruise is starting slow, get the circulation going, a proper warm up and you will not bruise quite as easily. There are ways to help you there too, you know this marvellous stuff called deep heat, not the stuff you can buy everywhere, the really heavy stuff, works wonders, everything will feel so much more intense. Japanese mint oil works too, additionally you do have the nice pain when you wash it off, hot and cold will just be soooooo much more intense.

My personal recommendation would be deep heat (google finalgon and go for extra strong, it’s a present your domme will like) put on after a hot shower, then some saran wrap, making you sweat a bit more and warming you up, the combination of the deep heat and the saran wrap will make it quite difficult for your tissue to bruise, but it will be fucking painful – don’t thank me now, thank me later ;) And mind the cuss words….

In case it has gone wrong and you are bruised, well darling, find excuses to turn out the light, but you can do a lot to minimize the time it takes to get back to normal.

First of all find a sun bed, yep, helps, dunno why but the bruises will fade a lot quicker, then drink pineapple juice, have some aloe vera cream at hand, and – not kidding you – wear a pantyhose. The mesh actually massages your tissue and gets rid of the bruising a lot quicker, who knows, you might actually enjoy wearing one underneath your clothes.

If you are caught in a pinch, anything that firms up female skin and works against cellulite also helps to minimize bruising, simply because it increases the circulation and bruises are bust blood vessels, the more circulation you have, the quicker it gets repaired. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So the shower scrubs, the lotions you have to rub in and all that, go for them, along with a sun bed and the pair of tights underneath your clothes, the bruises (until it’s serious deep tissue bruising) should disappear in 2 to 3 days. Hit the gym, work out, anything to get your circulation going and apply vitamin K creams.

As first aid, raise the bruised area above heart level (yes, ass in the air) apply some ice cubes in a towel, bandage with an elastic bandage, apply vitamin K cream, arnica creams help as well, then back to wearing pantyhose.

An additional tip, pinch yourself (I know it’s a good reality check but that is not the reason), pinch the area where you are planning on receiving CP, how does the tissue react? Goes back immediately without any discolouration – congratulations, it looks like you have pretty good tissue!

Hope that helps… Wouldn’t want you to be caught and having to explain why you have very strange bruises from a good caning or whipping ;)

I'm just a worthless worm...

Worthless worms…

Sorry, I’m a bit down today, got to do with the date and losing some friends 11 years ago, I rather not dwell on it so I’m having a rant about an email I got from a “worthless worm not worthy, blah blah blah”

Seriously, why would any domme worth her salt want a worthless worm? I mean if there are men with self-respect, intelligence, brains, manners and all that willing to sub and play, why on earth would I pick somebody who likens himself to a rather disgusting decomposer? Nothing against worms, real ones, they do serve a purpose, a guy claiming he’s a worthless worm serves no purpose, he’s simply disgusting and to be honest a bit of an insult. What he’s saying is that I can’t do better, well, sorry about that, but I think I can!

I get the humiliation aspect, though I have to admit it’s not one of my great preferences, but seriously, if you’re into degradation, shouldn’t I degrade you, calling yourself a worthless worm is a little bit of DIY degradation, so where’s the point?

This whole “worthless” spiel also makes me think of somebody who’s mentally retarded or simply not well grounded in life, those are seriously not people I want to have close and personal interactions with. Sorry, I had my fair share of crazy stalkers and psychopaths, I’m trying to avoid them actively, so a message that basically has “CRAZY” blinking in red letters all over, just ain’t going to happen, duckie! I just don’t feel suicidal enough to even entertain the idea of meeting up with you…

I said it before and I say it again, BDSM is a sport for grown ups, I want to play with somebody who’s grown up, somebody who’s aware of the risks and takes them willingly because let’s face it, SSC is a myth, there is nothing safe or sane about what we do, all we can hope for is being risk aware.

And call me a pervert (nothing wrong with that), but it’s just so much more fun to play with somebody who’s intelligent and clued up, who does it willingly and not out of desperation, who does it for ME, because he considers me worthy, not because he thinks he’s unworthy. Somebody I can be depraved with, somebody who enjoys things that would have your average guy call the cops or at least a shrink, and we’re both enjoying ourselves. And after we’ve done all of that, there is still the respect for each other as intelligent human beings. And we can sit down, have a glass of wine and discuss the world – as equals. Talk about something that’s really mind blowing!

BDSM Scandal - "Real Life 50 Shades of Grey"

Currently there is a scandal about a banker with his submissive girlfriend, of course the media labels it a real life 50 Shades, to be honest that is a good thing, because it means they are possibly not going to get dragged through the dirt as much as in the past.

I have no clue what happened, apart from what the gossip rags said, and we all know that they won’t let facts get in the way of a good story, but by all accounts, it just sounds like another relationship that has gone sour, if it wouldn’t be for the BDSM aspect, nobody would give a damn about it. There are tons of relationships that go sour every day, police gets called in because things escalate a bit, it happens but you don’t read about it in the papers.

This one seems to be a bit more restrained than the usual stuff, maybe because it’s a dominant and successful male and the general public is more inclined to sympathize with him being a bit kinky and “masculine”?

I’ve seen people label her as a victim who “endured all that pain”, well sorry, it was a BDSM relationship, I have a hunch that she might have enjoyed the pain, there are male and female masochists around and it doesn’t seem that the whippings are what caused the blow up, it seems it was that he strayed and found somebody else. So take out the BDSM stuff and it’s just a run of the mill breakup and the party who’s left behind gets angry. Nothing fucking newsworthy about it.

Happened to a friend of mine, only the scumbag left her with 3 small kids and a mortgage, dodged support payments and decided to start again with a young girl he knocked up. Chances are he’s going to leave her as well when the novelty wears off, but that’s her problem, getting involved with somebody who was in a relationship – duh, if he does it to somebody else for you, chances are he’ll do it for you, floors me how people can’t really figure that one out…

Anyway, she was struggling and almost lost her home, guess what? Wasn’t newsworthy because it’s far too common, guess if she would have thrown a whip or a pair of handcuffs in, it would have been different... /Sarcasm off

With what happened in the publicized breakup, I’m not freaking taking sides, maybe she was a pain to live with, maybe she just couldn’t deal with him breaking up with her, maybe he was playing around and was an ass about it – who the fuck knows and unless you are friends with them and know the inside story, why take sides?

It’s enough that a relationship has gone sour, common stuff that happens every day, just let them deal with it on their own. Why splash their faces all over the media?

Yes, the guy might have had pictures of him and tons of pretty women up on his site, he didn’t make a big secret of his life-style, nor did she, but then in fairness, she’s a fetish model, but that doesn’t mean that he wanted his clients to see the pics, and for them to discover it, they would have to have the same interest. Completely different story to some gossip rags exploiting it so they sell a few more papers.

To be honest, I hope that all his clients go “What a stud” and that his business thrives, and I hope she is getting lots and lots of model work due to the exposure, it would make up for being dragged through the media. 

And kudos to them for not talking to the media or giving statements! Let them starve, they aren’t publicity hungry celebs playing it out for PR reasons, they are private people who’s private lives are getting dragged through the mud!

For those who go “Oh well, but it’s BDSM and they went to parties” – oh yeah, so what? I mean how would anybody like it to see glorious details of their relationship being splashed all over the news? You know stuff like that you only do it in the missionary position, that your encounters only last minutes and all that shit. It’s just nobody’s business…

Oh and I hope that all the pictures were copyrighted and somebody is going to sue those rags for using them!

I just saw that she talked to the media - how crazy is that? I mean the NY Post? Doesn't she realize that they are just going to gobble her up and spit her out?

Though there is one thing, the whole thing is a bit less vicious than usual, I think it does have to do with the success of 50 Shades and with the fact that more and more people are open about being at least interested in BDSM. It's a bit harder for the media to paint us all as freakazoids and dirty perverts, when a lot of us lead perfectly normal lives, just with a bit of spice, and fetish clothes and a bit of whipping or bondage, is it really so much different from wearing sexy lingerie and foreplay? The women who have read 50 Shades and had a case of damp panties, and the husbands and boyfriends who benefited from the arousal of their spouses and might have experimented with a bit of BDSM themselves, they are less inclined to see us all some type of sex-crazed subhumans, so yes, something is won by being less hidden. Because people tend to fear what they don't know, if they learn about BDSM, they realize there really is nothing to fear and it's all consensual...

Another news flash, the lady in question maintains that she never spoke with the NY Post and the whole interview is a fabrication...  Quite shocking, unless you remember it's a Murdoch paper and they didn't mind hacking private phones, parents of soldiers who lost their lives in Afghanistan, so they could have 1st hand pictures about the shock, politicians, celebs, you name it... Wouldn't be the first time the Murdoch empire forgets all about ethics, mind you they don't seem to remember much about journalism anyway. 
Let's hope the latest 2 victims take them on and that they make an equal amount of money as Max Mosely made!

In case you see an edition of the NY Post anywhere, just email their advertisers and tell them why you won't buy their products anymore, the NY Post won't be around for long with out advertisers...

What do you really want?

Spoiler alert: If you're a foot fetishist, you may want to skip this or have your dreams shattered!

I really don't know why I've been thinking about this a lot all of a sudden, but when I was active as a pro domme, the most annoying clients weren't the ones that wanted stuff I wasn't prepared to offer, you could easily get rid of them by recommending somebody who'd be more willing to engage on that level of "physical intimacy", the truly annoying ones were the ones who thought you had to be a mind reader.

Honestly, hardly anything worse than a guy who comes for a paid session without giving you a hint what he is looking for. The "Whatever Mistress wants" made me want to climb up the walls, give me SOMETHING to work with. No, it's not the problem of coming up with ideas, but those are typically the guys who come into a session with a fixed idea or fantasy how the session should be with a "truly dominant woman" but to give a hint would ruin their fantasy, GREAT!
Basically what they want you to do then is read their minds and make it come true, because most of the times their fantasies are so elaborate, you can't really guess them.

If it is about what I really want, then in about 80% of all cases, I really want to give you a single tailing or a caning until my arm hurts, and then I want a foot massage. And I mean a foot massage, not somebody dribbling on my toes and claiming it's foot worship. Seriously, a wet sloppy tongue on my tootsies does nothing for me, all pro dommes endure it because well, how do I put it delicately? You are clients, you pay for it. If I have to give instructions all the way on how to do it properly and you still go on slobbering, it's a bit hard to show enjoyment. Put it down to the fact that as a pro domme you do have to be part actress and since you pay, we don't really want to lose you as a client.

You want her to enjoy the foot massage and you are really doing it for her? Great then check out this link, she will thank you, I mean really thank you:

http://www.wikihow.com/Give-a-Foot-Massage

In case you haven't figured it out, those high heels look marvellous and yes we do love wearing them, but they aren't the most comfortable of shoes, so a good foot massage is always appreciated.

Now in case you are just a foot fetishist and you get off on licking toes, fine, but don't call it a service, don't call yourself a submissive, call yourself a fetishist and a pro domme will supply your fetish, no big deal, but please please spare us the rubbish about how you are doing it for us. Nothing wrong with doing things that get you off, but please stop chewing my ear off how good you are at it and how you are all doing it for my enjoyment.

Oh and if you book a session and you want it a certain way, TELL US, don't give us that bloody hogwash about "Whatever Mistress wants" because chances are that what mistress wants isn't really what you want, and you're then on every fucking internet board complaining that it wasn't your dream session! You wouldn't go into a restaurant wanting a fillet Mignon and tell the waiter "Whatever you want to serve me" and then have a little hissy fit because it's not your favorite dish.

In case you want to be forced, trust me, we're down with that and no worries, we're not going to be shocked, but maybe you shouldn't safeword out when reality hurts a bit more than your fantasy, and then later complain that we didn't push you enough.

Another thing, don't claim experience you don't have. One of my most vivid memories is the guy who claimed to have so much experience when it comes to whippings, he wanted marks, blood, I had to argue about a warm up, he told me he doesn't need one but "indulged" me - thank fuck for that! During the warm up, bare hands and super soft flogger he screamed the place down. Turned out his experience was watching clips and he didn't think it would hurt that much... Yeah, no comment...