BDSM and Abuse

It comes up again and again and for a lot of people not involved with BDSM it looks like there is abuse going on, the big difference is that it is consensual!

Honestly, I can't stress enough how important it is that it IS consensual.

There is NO excuse for not respecting a safe word, if people who know each other and have a rapport decide to play without a safe word, great, not a problem, however if anybody announces right off the bat that they will not respect your limits or a safe word, don't walk - RUN.

Some people are thrill seekers and all that, and while I'm not somebody who would rely on a safe word (I explain in a bit), when getting to know somebody, you have to learn about their boundaries and some people have trigger points where you just push them much too far, pushing somebody way beyond their endurance can cause a pretty serious trauma, maybe not physical but leaving mental scars is not covered by consensual play!

Why I don't want to rely on safe words is simple, when the endorphines are flying, it can be pretty difficult for a masochist to recognize what is going on, as the top you really have to watch their body language, it might just feel too good for them to call a stop. Think about it in terms of a happy drunk who's flying high and doesn't realize that he's close to alcohol poisoning. 

But truthfully, that's another issue than abuse. 

I was just reading somewhere, where a woman rejected a dominant because he seemed to have anger issues and threatened to blacken her eyes if she says something to him. That's for me seriously crossing the line, hurting somebody out of anger is not BDSM or consensual, it's being out of control, if the top is out of control, accidents happen.

No problem with a role play where you pretend to be angry, or maybe even some punishment, but boys and girls, don't play with angry people, as exciting as it may seem at first glimpse, you only got this one body.

Seriously, if it would be my hide on the line, I'd be giving somebody a grilling of the 9th degree before I would even consider getting in a situation where I would be vunerable.

If you have issues trusting somebody, don't trust them with your health or life! Being stupid is not an attractive trait in a bottom!

End of rant!

A bit of help for masochists ;)

Masochist’s handbook ;)

Quite a few of you guys are masochists but you can’t afford to come home with marks, well, there is help for that guys…

Oh you won’t like this, but actually if you do work out and you are fairly fit, you don’t bruise quite as easily as if you’re a bit flabby, so hit the gym. Your domme might actually enjoy it (firm flesh is a bit nicer to touch and to violate) and – don’t discount this at all – the spouse might as well and it might just give your dormant sex life a bit of a kick…. That additional blubber you carry with you – makes you bruise a lot easier…

In case you’re going for a CP session, start stepping up on the pineapple, it doesn’t help if you eat it the day before but if you have a little bit about a week before, it does reduce bruising A LOT. So before you go to a session, a week before knock the booze on the head, start taking vitamin C, pineapple juice is especially good, treat yourself to a lot of vitamins (C, E, K and zinc), bruises are broken capillaries, you want to strengthen them.

In case you’re taking Aspirn or any other medication that thins the blood or pain killers (ibuprofen as well), you will bruise a lot easier, so if you don’t need it for medical reasons, deal with the headache, a lot better for your blood vessels and bruising.

Knock the booze, yep, just that beer with friends and stuff, skip it because it’s also helping you get bruised, give your liver a rest.

There are 1001 ways to make you scream and hurt you that doesn’t leave marks, but you might not enjoy them quite as much as a cane or a whip, so in some cases electricity it out.

Well a good way to not bruise is starting slow, get the circulation going, a proper warm up and you will not bruise quite as easily. There are ways to help you there too, you know this marvellous stuff called deep heat, not the stuff you can buy everywhere, the really heavy stuff, works wonders, everything will feel so much more intense. Japanese mint oil works too, additionally you do have the nice pain when you wash it off, hot and cold will just be soooooo much more intense.

My personal recommendation would be deep heat (google finalgon and go for extra strong, it’s a present your domme will like) put on after a hot shower, then some saran wrap, making you sweat a bit more and warming you up, the combination of the deep heat and the saran wrap will make it quite difficult for your tissue to bruise, but it will be fucking painful – don’t thank me now, thank me later ;) And mind the cuss words….

In case it has gone wrong and you are bruised, well darling, find excuses to turn out the light, but you can do a lot to minimize the time it takes to get back to normal.

First of all find a sun bed, yep, helps, dunno why but the bruises will fade a lot quicker, then drink pineapple juice, have some aloe vera cream at hand, and – not kidding you – wear a pantyhose. The mesh actually massages your tissue and gets rid of the bruising a lot quicker, who knows, you might actually enjoy wearing one underneath your clothes.

If you are caught in a pinch, anything that firms up female skin and works against cellulite also helps to minimize bruising, simply because it increases the circulation and bruises are bust blood vessels, the more circulation you have, the quicker it gets repaired. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So the shower scrubs, the lotions you have to rub in and all that, go for them, along with a sun bed and the pair of tights underneath your clothes, the bruises (until it’s serious deep tissue bruising) should disappear in 2 to 3 days. Hit the gym, work out, anything to get your circulation going and apply vitamin K creams.

As first aid, raise the bruised area above heart level (yes, ass in the air) apply some ice cubes in a towel, bandage with an elastic bandage, apply vitamin K cream, arnica creams help as well, then back to wearing pantyhose.

An additional tip, pinch yourself (I know it’s a good reality check but that is not the reason), pinch the area where you are planning on receiving CP, how does the tissue react? Goes back immediately without any discolouration – congratulations, it looks like you have pretty good tissue!

Hope that helps… Wouldn’t want you to be caught and having to explain why you have very strange bruises from a good caning or whipping ;)