It's not Dungeon and Dragons, Sparky

Let me start this off with the disclaimer, that I am not having a rant at male dominants, there are some really great Doms out there, with some of them I'm friends, but some of them (and oddly enough a higher percentage than you find with women) are a few planks short of a full tree house.

On one of the boards where I sometimes look and occasionally participate, there is a guy who complains that in 22 years he hasn't found a slave and it's all down to fakes and he's discriminated because he's disabled.

Every sympathy for somebody who is disabled, definitely doesn't make it easier for him, but even if he was able bodied, what he's looking for is simply unrealistic.

The guy is gay (nothing wrong with it), has a preference for black men (again, we all have preferences and what we are attracted to), so far so good.

Only then he decides he doesn't want just one slave, he wants several of them, his own personal little harem and how he is living the Master/slave life-style not just in the bedroom, and that's where I want to shake him and have a reality check, and go "Sorry dear, but you are not really LIVING the life-style, you're dreaming it, big big difference!"

So, somebody without any experience is declaring himself an experienced Master and complains that slaves aren't lining up around the block. Well, what a surprise that is, really....

It gets better, he also has certain expectations of the jobs the slaves should have, nothing dramatic, really, just your run of the mill, not quite college drop out jobs:

• Programmers


• Database Designers


• CAD Designers


• Animators


• Illustrators


• Editors/proofreader/scriptwriters

Apart from handing over their salaries, using their job skills for him too, they also have to do household chores and gardening.

I read through his journal and I really understand why he needs a proofreader, it was hard going (btw nobody is "dominate" you can be dominant, one of my pet peeves), but it really looks like he is living in some weird fantasy land, some drivel about being the leader of a pack of wolves, with all his slaves (so far non-existant) being his 2nd line of defense.

I copy and paste part of the journal entry:


I  think the following passage about myself speaks for itself which is taken from a note I sent to an acquaintance recently.  I felt I had to share it here.

"As I build my company I want my project team to be a tight pack, but not constricted by creativity.  I want them to be passionate about what I want. Recently I had to do a paper on a leader as it relates to my college program (database management) and  what I wanted professionally. I wound up choosing Larry Ellison (Oracle fame) and found I hated him very much for his professionalism - or lack there of.  I never want to become this type of corporate owner.

YES I am dominate,

YES I know what I want,

YES I want a second line pack following behind me like a pack of defensive wolves,

BUT NO, I do not have to be a selfish pompous jerk about it."

That was actually some of the sanest drivel he put in there, it's nice to dream about a business empire, but if you're living of social security, maybe the first move would be to do something that makes you able to support yourself.
Yes, disability makes it harder, but the idea of finding a bunch of slaves who will all work for him for free, is not really based in reality, and so far it hasn't worked for him. And he does sound like a selfish, pompous jerk.

We all know what we want, I really want to win the damned lottery (maybe I should start playing then), I really want mansions all over the planet in all my fave cities, that private plane, the cosy little castle, my own private island (hello Mr Branson, how about Necker Island?), gosh, I guess I am not "dominate" enough for it, because in the meantime, I'm still working, because the damned mortgage for the house needs to be paid off.

Oh well, a great deal of people aren't too well adjusted or don't play with a full deck of cards, I guess it's really unrealistic to expect everybody who's into BDSM to be in touch with reality...


Btw a pretty good example of how it can be different is this erotic photo blog, it shows how BDSM can be a loving relationship and that not all Doms are a bit "mentally challenged":

Downright Debauchery

New to BDSM

New to this

Yeah, we’ve all started somewhere and having those desires and realizing that they possibly won’t go away, that you really want to find out about it all, see if it is for you or if it isn’t seems like a good idea. A lot better than being unhappy and wishing for something but not doing anything to make it come true…

Now of course there are several hurdles, when it comes to life-style play and you just want to try things out, it’s a bit difficult to find a Domme who’ll just indulge you and do all of this just so you can figure out if you do or don’t want it, can’t blame them, you’d possibly react the same way.

Then it’s a question of supply and demand, there is a much much greater supply of submissives than there are of Dommes, luck is just not on your side, unless of course you got movie star looks, then you might be a bit luckier, better get rid of that paunch then ASAP ;)

There are a 101 reasons why you might have trouble finding a life-style Mistress, now if you are in a relationship or you don’t have all that much time you can devote to going to munches, or you simply don’t want to wait months and years until you find somebody who is willing to play with you, it might just make sense to go and see a pro Domme as long as you keep a few things in mind:

-       Be honest, tell her that you’re not experienced  (if you don’t believe me that it’s important, check for Mr Bullwhip)

-       Communicate, let her know what you are interested in, I know it’s difficult but what are you fantasizing about? Yep, that’s an interest. Something you absolutely don’t want to happen (say crossdressing really turns you off, or other men) that would be a hard limit – simple, isn’t it?

-       Don’t get fooled by pictures, make sure you have a bit of chemistry, can you talk to her when you call her up? Good! Of course you should find her attractive, that is important, but she doesn’t need to be your dream woman, you aren’t going to marry her!

-       No matter how good the session is, do not fall in love, do not get in head over heels, you booked a service, of course you should enjoy it but it’s not a date, she’s not your girlfriend. Do us a favour and read THIS

With permission from Ms Maya Midnight, here is a great essay about how to book a session, with all the pointers a newbie or a more seasoned player might need: Newbie Guide To Seeing Pro Dommes

Listen guys, as long as you keep a clear head, you communicate well and you do your research, not a lot can go wrong!

Lots of Shades - or 50 Shades of BS

You guessed it, I really didn't like the book, mind you I only read the first book of the trilogy and it was torture. Let me get it straight, I'm the sadist here, not the masochist who should suffer, it honestly was serious determination and stubbornness (it has been mentioned that I possess those qualities, the more unflattering term is actually stubborn bitch) that kept me going. Not just the story is unbelievable and so retro, the writing is bad, seriously bad. I had to force myself to not throw it into a corner or to whimper loudly, I did swear a bit though!

Instead of going on and on, somebody said it all before and possibly better than I could:

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2012/06/fifty-shades-of-fcked-up-trista-hendren/ 

I just copied and pasted some quotes, that's what you're getting in for if you buy the book:

“Stalker, my subconscious whispers at me through the cloud of tequila that’s still floating in my brain, but somehow, because it’s him, I don’t mind.” (62)

“Desire. This is desire. This is what it feels like.” (68)

“I think I’m in shock. My subconscious has emigrated or been struck dumb or simply keeled over and expired. I am numb. I can observe and absorb but not articulate my feelings about all this, because I’m in shock….Fear…yes…that seems to be the overriding feeling. I recognize it now. But weirdly not of him—I don’t think he’d hurt me, well, not without my consent.” (99)

It is pretty bad, honestly, in my view it is cliche ridden granny porn, I know they dubbed it mommy porn but most mothers are possibly not that prude and have steamier sex, I mean the sexual revolution has happened, hasn't it? The pill, free love and all that, 60's and 70's, the glorious days we only hear about, when women had contraception and nothing you could catch couldn't be taken care of by a few shots of penicillin. As long as you block out the thought that your own parents were possibly part of it (I think I made myself sick with that train of thought), it sounds like the golden age of the sexual liberation (though there wasn't much personal grooming or manscaping going on, eeek), no scare of AIDS.
Getting a bit of track here, but I had a lot of conversations with a friend about the difference in the generations, for somebody who didn't grow up and into their own sexuality with the threat of AIDS, it might be pretty hard to understand why we are so terrified of it. I recall that the idea of losing my virginity was completely overshadowed by being afraid of AIDS, contraception was easy to get, the pill, condoms, etc. But AIDS... I was never a fan of Queen but you couldn't escape their music, Freddy Mercury wasting away and dying - it wasn't something that made you particularly horny, even as a randy teenager... But I digress...

Luckily I didn't spend money on the book, borrowed it from a friend, other half was quite excited, he had heard that women get all frisky when reading it, so he didn't mind me reading it in bed (usually always a bit of an issue "I can't sleep when you got the light on...") but you know what, it actually turned me off and he was even more upset. Not just because I really didn't want to jump his bones after dutifully slogging through some pages, but because I kept him awake by swearing loudly and annoying him with comments like "What the f***? Couldn't they afford an editor? This isn't even Mills and Boon level, it's freaking awful..."

Seriously, I'm not a prude, but one review said it would get women's mind away from the laundry and into sex, didn't work for me, before I read part 2 and 3, I think I'd rather do laundry for a whole week, it's less annoying and mentally and sexually more stimulating.

I don't hate the author, in fact, I'm a bit envious and yeah, if I could make money from writing such shit, I totally would. Sod artistic integrity, I'd be laughing all the way to the bank, but I think I would have used a pen name, and then I'd possibly invest some of the fortune I made into creative writing classes. But hey, it's not a bad gig if you can get it.

In a way I am fascinated by the book, or rather the people who get turned on by it. I can't get over the fact that women in this day and age find abusive relationships a turn on, nothing wrong with kinky but manipulating is just not fun.
Christian (the "hero") is not only unrealistic, he's also really fucked up. In our teens we possibly all fell once or twice for an emotionally unavailable guy and suffered for it (I had Mr Terminal Zipper Problem - nice guy, very good looking, just couldn't keep his dick to himself and yes, it ended badly - in case he stumbles across this, sorry that I broke a plate on your head but the bleached bitch was seriously too much) but we all grew up.

Maybe that's the key? The women who like 50 Shades of Poo got the whole guilt thing about sexuality internalized, a bit like a rape fantasy, they're not in control, they're not guilty, because after all sex is something that good girls don't really enjoy... I thank my lucky stars that I ceased to be a good girl a long time ago and I don't need a controlling and emotionally damaged dick (pun intended) to give me orgasms...

I possibly can't stop anybody from reading the book, but I'd hope that anybody who spends money on it will at least consider giving part of that money to a charity, preferably one for abused women!

I climb off my soap box now!