Gutted

Since my last blog post Coral died, it's been a while but I felt somewhat numb, we never had met face to face but exchanged a lot of messages, mails and phone calls over the years, just when it looked like she was catching a break, things turned bad. I know it's the nature of cancer but she was so vibrant and alive, it felt like I was sucker punched.

The worst part was, I'm in LA, nobody I can really talk about it to, taking care of a friend who has considerable health problems, tons of chaos, trying to sort things out, then there is work....

The oddest thing happened though, a friend's sister has leukemia, due to having mild lupus and a ton of antibodies due to hashimoto's (some weird thyroid thing where your body produces antibodies against your own thyroid hormones) and being gluten intolerant, I always thought I wouldn't be suitable as a bone marrow donor, guess what, change of thyroid medication and my antibodies are all in remission and almost non-existant and 99% of all autoimmune diseases have related antibodies, since our blood groups and a ton of other medicial stuff lines up, including the type of antibodies I used to have, it makes me such a good match that yeah, I'm going in. It sounds stupid but the fact that they can tap me for something and somebody else can live, it helps. Of course I'm scared, I could so do with a drink (even if I hardly drink) and all of a sudden smoking looks so tempting, but I worked out like a maniac, lived super healthy, I mean if I'm doing it, I want to give it the best shot I got.

Sorry for the rant. I guess since day 0 is getting nearer and nearer, I'm just getting more and more nervous, I'm not going to whimp out as she is undergoing chemo in preparation for it, but shit, I'm really scared, I don't even know why.